A blanket could be used like a trumpet could be used as a murder weapon. And if the cops ask you what I was doing on the night of June 6th, tell them I was...

Yeah? Did you see what I did with my keys? ”Silence. Then dial tone.These younger demons. So easily discouraged.

A blanket could be shared with someone cold. And if you’re sharing your blanket, they might as well share the blame in getting pregnant. It’s not like they can blame me, because I was in...

Hayden?””Yes,Gia?””Nothing I just wanted to say your name

A blanket could be used to spread the love around. Tuck it in at the edges, so nobody can hog all the amor.

Life is a very brief candle especially when you burn it at both ends

A blanket can be a meditation device. If the blanket is white, and you stare at it, you can blank out your mind and find peace within yourself.

I had a scimitar at my throat. I’d like to see you try signaling under those conditions.”-Janco and Ari bickering

If I hung out with Van Gogh, I don’t know what we’d do. We’d just play it by ear, I guess.

My very first job was at McDonalds. In that job I learned an important principle: When something goes wrong at work, blame the guy who gets killed.

Isobel moved farther into the kitchen, not knowing whether to be relieved that her mother hadn’t had an atomic meltdown, or mortified that she’d taken it upon herself to play head chef with the nearest...

I always wear gloves, so at any moment I could commit a crime and not be worried about fingerprints. Plus, it saves on buying hand sanitizer.

Jewelry takes people’s minds off your wrinkles

I can be a gentleman off and on. When the urge hits me. – Tran

A brick could be used for bric-a-brac. If you bring the brick, I’ll bring the brac.

If you die in an elevator, be sure to push the up button.

Should I have brought my diploma?

A brick could be used to help America make money. Trust me, this is smarter than letting a central bank like the Federal Reserve make all the money.

GOD. Sometimes I think there might be a god out there, and that every once in a while he tunes in to see what we’re up to, and have a good laugh at how we...

When I was growing up we didn’t have a massive house and there were five women running around, so my dad and I had to stick together!

A brick could be used to save humanity from mortality. Or at least save us from mortar.

Are you wearing space pants?” Miranda asked him.”What?”How did it end? oh, right. “Because your butt is fine.”He gazed at her in that way he had like he was measuring her for straitjacket. “I think-”...

It’s delicious,’ he announces, chewing my sandwich. ‘I would like to stay here forever and die with you in my arms.’ ‘I don’t know. I think it’s too cold for forever,’ I say, smiling.

A brick could be used to represent society as a whole. But to represent society as a half, I’d recommend using either a full carton of half and half, or a half-full carton of whole...

When I get real bored, I like to drive downtown and get a great parking spot, then sit in my car and count how many people ask if I’m leaving.

Raffin appeared again, a floor above her, on the balconied passageway that ran past his workrooms. He leaned over the railing and called down to her. “Kat!””What is it?””You look lost . Have you forgotten...

A brick could be used as a scapegoat. But don’t blame the brick. The brick didn’t kill my mother-in-law. It was merely the instrument I utilized in showing her how much I loved her.

One afternoon, when I was four years old, my father came home, and he found me in the living room in front of a roaring fire, which made him very angry. Because we didn’t have...

No, little one, George’s ghost won’t come back. Human beings don’t have souls. No soul, no ghost. Simple.””How can you say that?” protested Mopple. “We don’t know whether humans have souls or not.””Every lamb knows...

A brick could be used as toilet paper—especially if you just shit a brick. You could shit and wipe your way to a wall of privacy.

A text pops up on the screen. It’s from Luis. I can’t help but grin when I read his perfectly thought-out message.Luis: Hey

You can’t kill us all, human.’ He was right. I raised the machine gun a little. ‘True, but who’s going to be first in line?

Shit a brick.”

My brother spent a large portion of the agonizingly slow drive to school banging his forehead on the stearing wheel.

Are there any other missing persons living under your roof? Elvis? Jimmy Hoffa? Amelia Earhart? I’d just like full disclosure now, before we go any further.

Shut up,” I said.

It was like being leaned on by a very heavy, warm brick. A sexy brick.

Then I say, “Let’s go and brush our teeth.” So Lola says, “But Charlie, I can’t brush my teeth because somebody is using my tooth.” “But who would use your toothbrush?” I ask. Lola says...

Maggie wasn’t without her concerns, though. “What if he’s crazy?””Yeah, that’s a definite possibility,” he agreed.”What if he’s not your type?””Then we’ll only hook up in dark places.

The Occupy Wall Street movement faltered when activists realized that traders were quite busy already.

I told the Inland Revenue I didn’t owe them a penny because I lived near the seaside.

my problem is that my body acts before my brain thinks… it sometimes brings me huge trouble, or also huge success. recently, my body and brain got come to an agreement. it may be far...

Brilliance is impossible without a touch of insanity.

Everything has taken on a strange, distant quality – the sounds of running and shouting outside get warped and weird like they’re being filtered through water, and Alex looks miles away. I start to think...

This kind of mixing of ingredients happens all the time at fast-food places… You know when you order french fries and there’s a rogue onion ring at the bottom. You know, at first you’re alarmed...

Jean-Baptiste Say may have coined the term ‘entrepreneur’ but he totally missed the opportunity to put it on a t-shirt and sell it.

You blew up half the town.

I toss and turn so much in my sleep that the very act of sleeping must be exhausting for me. Sleeping makes me want to sleep even more.

There comes a time in every woman’s life where she will decide to eat cookie dough. It is when and how that truly defines her.

I watch old school film so that I can learn so much that I just sort of miss all the new stuff.