I knew you were awake. Who else spews such original and captivating swears?

Love is as we will it to be.” ~ Amunhotep El Bey

I guess I’m too dumb to see the difference.

There you have it: our lives in a nutshell. Emphasis on nut.

Let’s say you have an ax. Just a cheap one, from Home Depot. On one bitter winter day, you use said ax to behead a man. Don’t worry, the man was already dead. Or maybe...

If you don’t realize a deja vu, you have to realize you’re creating a deja vu

Fair enough. You want some of mine?

dying, crying, hyperventilating

―Es solo una hora ―empezó a decir de nuevo, pero la rabia de las multitudes tiene efectos secundarios: enturbia la mente y ensordece a sus víctimas. Debía cambiar de táctica―. ¡Mirad, el Rey de España!Pero...

Lolzez

The only thing that frightens me, Chloe, is that you keep lessening the six degrees of separation in our lives.

I’m trying to compliment you,” Barclay say. “Can’t you just say thanks?

And,” Amber said, practically drooling as she ogled him, “it’s tradition for new arrivals to help with the pep rally.”Brooklyn quirked her lips in doubt. “Tradition?””It’s a new tradition,” Amber shot back.”Clearly the deeper meaning...

She went in the pool,” she finished for me. “Ohmigod. She was killed while tweeting. It was Twittercide!

Are you really going to work in that?” Maura asked.Blue looked at her clothing. It involved a few thin layering shirts, including one she had altered using a method called shredding. “What’s wrong with it?”Maura...

I’m sorry I missed the meeting and hurt your little feely-weels okay?

Well, so you don’t get too cocky, I myself often complete the TV Guide crossword puzzle.” He puffed out his chest. “In pen.

Yes, my style sucks. But at least I didn’t bowl half a game with a nacho stuck to my ass.

I’ve been sick for so long I don’tremember a time when I wasn’t.

Cazadores de Sombras: se les ve mejor el negro que a las viudas de sus enemigos dede 1234.

A classroom . People trying to stick me in classrooms was becoming as predictable and annoying as people trying to kill me, but with less-fun results.

I like the name Lola, because it has LOL in the beginning.

Next, I wasn’t willing to mimic a dude. I’d done it twice and it wasn’t something I wanted to do again. Ever. Extra body parts and things dangling in place they shouldn’t? No way.

She spoke throught her teeth. “Almost, dear. What were the real words you used? The bad words. It’s okay to say them again, just this once.” I shrugged, “fine. I said’. . . just ’cause...

You hate birthdays yet pee your pants over presents. There is clearly something wrong with you,” Garrett joked.

You’re not seriously going?” Troy asks.”Of course I’m going,” I say. “What other choice do I have?””Um…not going.

In my book an erection constitutes personal growth.

I took the money and passed the box across the counter and said politely, ‘Your choice of colourreally lacks style.’ I smiled and Beth laughed and the guy asked to see my manager.I got Bert...

I found this, though,” Gazzy said excitedly, holding up a small green box. “Gas-X! Like, ‘X’ for explosion! This is great! I’m thinking I rig this with a detonator and-“”Did you find that in the...

Okay. When he comes, you can see him?””Yes. I can hear him, too. And he, uh…”She brushed the bandage on the side of her skull. I looked at her in bewilderment. Was she serious?”He hits...

You bet they did. Dellray was there. You should’ve seen him. He ordered every other case put on hold and said if metallurgy report wasn’t in your hands ASAP there’d be one mean mother——you get...

repooping is the purest form of pooping

I nod and smile and smile and nod, and when she turns away, I form a gun with my hand, place it to my temple, and pull the trigger. This girl is starved for attention....

I sigh. “I don’t know what’s happening to me.””They’re called hormones.”I shoot him a dirty look. “I’m serious.””Me too.” He cocks his head at me. “That’s like, biological and shit. Scientific. Maybe your lady bits...

I think a platform is missing its go-go dancer, Sabine.” Fey’s brutal tone cut through our courtesies.

Y’all got your heads tucked so far up your rears, she’s petrified the kid’s gonna need a shrink before he can shit in a dish.

I can’t believe you just did that! Are you crazy?”I gripped the steering wheel tighter. “Why do people keep asking me that?”He turned to stare at me, his eyes worried. “Who else keeps asking you...

something really deep and inspirational.

I’m more lopsided than a one legged badger!” Graypaw stopped his careful stalking to wander comically across the clearing “I will have to settle for hunting stupid mice I shall just wander up to them,...

Saw him where?””While I was sitting outside with one of my half aunts.”This seemed to satisfy Ronan was well, because he asked, “What’s the other half of her?””God, Ronan,” Adam said. “Enough.

He was right. The annoying Disney song was right. The universe was too fucking small.

Agatha, what do you see when you look in the mirror?””I don’t look in mirrors.””Why is that?””Because horses and hogs don’t sit around ogling their reflections!

Did you have fun? How many boys did you make out with? Seventy. At least. How many shots did you take?Fourteen. I let go of the wheel halfway home and Jesus drove me the rest...

I’ve kissed my dad and mygranddad.

And I’ve got THIS,” I pulled out the signum and held it up for him to see, “that says I’m kindred. And I’ve got THIS,” I pointed at my head, “that says I’m as smart...

You stand out like a fart in church.

I love my haters, they rage and rage and all they do is spreading my word.

Only when we’ve got company.”–Jason questioning Timmy

Are you two you know?” Jacob pointed at us. ” Together? Together? ” I didn’t get a chance to answer. Cam spun me around and kissed me, right there between the two buildings. It was...

I’m not sure on the protocol over here, though, is it customary to celebrate bastards?” Garrett’s comment hit the mark just like he knew it would. The smile was wiped from Milo’s face, and he...