A brick represents my rationality, and a blanket represents my emotions. It’s robot versus mannequin, and to get a sense of who I am as a person, you need some mortar and a pillow.

A brick could be used to keep yourself warm, and a blanket could be used in the construction of a house. But just like wearing your boxers on the outside of your pants, if you...

For loose teeth the tooth fairy recommends tying your tooth to a brick and throwing said brick down the stairs.

A blanket, as the epitome of warmth, could be used to stop colds. Also, sex with me might be the surest way to prevent a cold.

A brick could be used as a medallion on the end of a necklace, much like human testicles aren’t used. It’s a shame, really, because when you think of all things dangly, male genitals drop...

A blanket could be used to battle the cold, but not battle an army with swords, bayonets, and other sharp objects (unless the opposing army is armed only with sharp words).

Love is like building a wall with two bricks and a ton of wind. Obviously you and your lover are bricks.

Bricks could be used to pad the pockets of crooked politicians. Why stuff their greedy pockets with cash, when we could load them up with bricks and find out how good of swimmers they are?

A brick is a fraction of a building, and a brick is like a building—if you’re like an ant.

Four bricks could be affixed under a skateboard and used as really inefficient wheels. Ha! Let’s see Tony Hawk do tricks on that board. Actually, he probably could.

Bricks could be used to feed the homeless. But why not use those bricks to build the homeless people homes? Oh yeah, because that’s not the sort of smart decision DC makes.

Brick and Blanket could be the names of two characters in a screenplay full of witty dialogue like: Brick: Hello! Blanket: Hi! Brick: How are you? Blanket: Good. You? Brick: Good.

A blanket could keep a family of three warm for a lifetime, but global warming could do the same for the world forever.

A brick could be lodged inside a home to provide comfort, stability, hope, change, and audacity. Oh gosh! Sorry about the last three—I was in my political bullshit mode again.

A brick could be used in religious ceremonies. After all, it is slightly better than using live human sacrifices.

Without rules, there’d be nothing to break. Well, except glass, dance, and bricks. So I guess bricks could be stacked up in place of a list of rules.

A blanket could be used to show people the benefits of sleeping with a parachute—especially if you’ve got a flying bed like I do.

A blanket could be hooked to ropes and attached to the body of a swimmer in training, to provide resistance and increase strength and endurance. Those very same ropes could be used to tie me...

A brick could create a clear winner in a fight if instead of fighting pillows against blankets, you fought bricks against blankets.

Brick!”

With one blanket, you and I could wrap up like a burrito. Yum. And if you want melted cheese, just fart a bit.

A brick could be used as a musical instrument. It doesn’t matter how bad it sounds, because I’ll be the band’s lead singer, and my sexy voice is like melted butter on a corn on...

A blanket can be a meditation device. If the blanket is white, and you stare at it, you can blank out your mind and find peace within yourself.

A brick could be used as a deodorant deterrent. Just ask any stinky Congressman.

A brick could be used to make music. But why not use something more humane, like your armpit.

I’ve got you covered. Just don’t hog all the blanket.

A blanket could be used to wipe away my tears. But it’d better be a blanket the size of America, because I’ve been crying since Andrew Jackson died.

A brick could be placed down on the first step on the path to enlightenment.

A brick could be placed in the trunk of a car manufacturer’s competitor, to increase the odds of decreasing their fuel efficiency.

If I were a mad scientist, I’d use a brick in an angry way. And if I were a mad scientist, I’d use it in a diabolically clever way. Probably I’d use the brick, in...

A brick and a blanket are going to help me conquer the world. Just give me an army at my disposal, and you’ll see what I mean.

One blanket, coupled with a fluffy pillow, could be implemented as a torture device for insomniacs.

A brick can be used as a nickname for people who are slow, both physically and intellectually.

I’ve always wanted to go out with a bang, that’s why I carry two bricks around with me wherever I go, so when I leave a room I clap them together.

Kick the blanket, don’t kick the bucket—especially if that bucket is full of death (or bricks).

A blanket could be used to fix your broken marriage. You’ll also need duct tape, an empty car trunk, a getaway driver, and the most opportune moment to snatch your mother-in-law away to never be...

A blanket could be used to understand Understanding. At least I think so. The process is complicated, and really hard to understand.

A brick could be used to back the dollar. Hey, it’s better than the dollar being backed by nothing, right?

Movado,” because it’s a waste of time. Instead of spending your free time trying to put a ball in a net, how about reading a few books.

A brick could be used for bric-a-brac. If you bring the brick, I’ll bring the brac.

A blanket could be used to settle disputes. Hold my penis while I demonstrate how it would work.

A brick could be used to divide two people, and then conquer both of them.

A brick could be used to assuage your sense that life isn’t real. Hold it in your hands and say, This is not a dream.

A brick is something solid, stable, and yet edgy. In other words, it’s everything a politician isn’t.

Bricks could have been used to stop Napoleon’s army from advancing into Russia. And blankets could have been used to keep Napoleon rolling in victories.

A brick could be grown on a tree, much like an apple or money, so that maybe humanity could achieve world peace—starting with not killing innocent fruits and vegetables.

Brick is to blanket, as ellipses is to…

A blanket could be used as a water purification device. Place it between a flowing water source and your storage barrel and let the blanket filter out impurities. Then after your water is pure, drop...

I’ll take a brick in a blanket, hold the ice.” What the bartender started, the Finnish guy finished, and the brick and the blanket thought they’d better to drink elsewhere. * A brick in a...

A brick could be an object to measure your life against. Are you square, rigid, and inflexible? If yes, are you in the military? If no, why are you acting like a brick?