A brick could be translated into Spanish, and then used to landscape a lawn.

A blanket could be used to confuse and disorient. Think of it not as a bed adornment, but as a really big blindfold.

A blanket could be used as a parachute, for jumping out of dreams.

A brick could be used as one ingredient on the greedy Cake of Love. Other ingredients include: Everything.

A brick could be utilized to teach the danger of procrastination. Ignoring the brick and pretending everything will work itself out is not going to transform it into a wall.

Bricks could be used to fill Fort Knox. I know, I know. You’re probably thinking, if we fill Fort Knox with bricks, where will we keep all the gold that’s kept there? I still need...

A brick could be used to let that special someone in your life know how much you love them. Instead of tossing out a careless I love you, try tossing a brick at them instead.

A brick could be used as a stand in for a liar’s face. Go on, punch that liar in his face.

A brick could be used as a key to unlock a door disguised as a brick wall. The security in the lock lies not with a one-of-a-kind key, but with a key that looks like...

Blankets could be used to stop exponential population growth. If we kept the people warm, maybe they wouldn’t try to heat themselves up through continual fornication.

A blanket could be used instead of a blindfold when kidnapping someone. And the trunk of your car could be rented out like a cheap motel room to a midget.

A blanket could be used to catch a hippopotamus. But you try it out first, and let me know if it works.

A blanket could be reverse engineered to discover the origin of sleep. If we could figure out where sleep comes from, we’d know where it goes to while we’re awake, instead of thinking it just...

A blanket could be used at the end of meetings, to wrap things up—sort of like a big office burrito of productivity.

A brick could be locked in a safe, because nobody will try to steal it there.

A blanket is great for covering things, like the dead guy, I just killed with this brick.

A blanket could be used to barter with. I could trade my blanket for your sex, and everybody’s happy but the tax collector.

A blanket could be used to alert your guest when he’s overstayed his welcome. But what’s even more effective would be a flying brick at his forehead. Subtlety can be a bit soft, and can...

A brick could be used as an AFD, or Atmospheric Floating Device, whose sole function is to make people ask WTF?

A blanket could be made of tuna fish skin, which would go well with my cottage cheese thighs.

A brick could be used to help you keep your job. Just hold it down, man.

A brick could be used in a manner most secret. But Shh! I can’t tell you. What part about secret don’t you understand?

The cloud cover made for a terrible blanket.

A brick could be used as a flashlight. What, still dark? Check the batteries, because they may be dead.

A brick could be used in speech therapy, to cure a stutter. I mean look at me, I don’t have a stutter. But to be fair, I never did have a stutter, so I can’t...

Bricks could be used to line the pockets of the politicians, the way the people’s money once was, as we drop them off to search for Atlantis.

A brick could be used as a yes, and a blanket could be a no. Make your life so positive that you could build a house with all your yeses, and forget the fact that...

A brick could be affixed to the collar of my shirt, because I’ve already got the weight of the world on my shoulders, so what’s the problem with a little new construction to go on...

A brick could be used to build a color theory that red objects encapsulate rage. Don’t believe me? Think of all the red objects that inspire hate: stop lights, Nazi swastikas, and tomato juice.

A brick could be used as a substitute for the brother I never had. It seems ridiculous, but I’ve always wanted a brother who was smarter than the average politician.

A brick can’t cure cancer. But who knows, maybe a brick combined with a blanket could. I’ll have to ask Dr. Burzynski about it.

A blanket could be used to alter the future. But so can setting your watch ahead five minutes. Trust me, I’ve been to the future, and I was late.

A blanket could be used as a tarp to cover an outdoor swimming pool the size of a bed. As far as training goes, swimming is such a snooze of a sport that I think...

I took a nap and used a napkin as a blanket. Obviously it was a small nap.

A blanket could be used to smother a fire—but not the fire that burns in my heart for you. Or perhaps that’s merely heartburn, and you’re just as common as a brick.

A blanket can be rolled up, much like I roll up my emotions when I listen to political rhetoric.

A brick could be used to tell time. And just between you and me, I hope that brick tells time to go to hell.

A brick could be used like a fleeglebeegle, which in turn could be used like a zoopkatofka, which itself could be used like a Wexlybexter Device (the one with the hand crank, not the one...

A blanket could be used to cure the common cold. I mean, come on it’s just common sense. A blanket is warm, and if a cold is what it’s named, then a blanket would transform...

A brick could be used as motivation to acquire more bricks. Hey, I’m just trying to help here. Don’t shut me out by building a wall between us.

A brick could be used to keep warm, and a blanket could be used to build a house.

A brick is a baton, as it passes from a civilization in ruin to one on the rise.

A brick could be strapped to the back of a pet gerbil, to teach it how to swim. That’s how I learned to swim. Grandpa glued a gerbil to my back, dropped me off in...

A brick could be used as a door handle. On an all-brick house this would be great, but on an all-brick car it’d be even better.

A brick is a mythical object that empowers its handler and enables them to conquer the world and control the globe through secret occult knowledge. Just ask the Masons.

Two bricks, parallel and horizontal, equals an equal sign.

A blanket could be used as a lovely rug, a rug that just so happens to be covering a large hole, you should really feel this rug!

A brick could be used to separate the Jorges from the hoorays.

A blanket could be used as a spy, because if you need to blend in and go under cover, what’s better than a banket?

I don’t need a blanket. I need your naked body on top of me.