It just a fun game, until someone starts to win and then everyone else begins to cheat!

If you’re given a dirty look, wash it and give it back.

JOIN THE CIRCUS OF CHAOS … juggling, stilt walking, and other skills for socially acceptable procrastination.

Always blow your own trumpet, blowing someone else’s is unhygienic

A fit, healthy body—that is the best fashion statement

Stop worrying about life, no one survived it.

I have no problem with god – it’s his fan club that scares me.

If you want to know what’s going on, keep your mind in the fridge or it might go off.

Frame everything and some of it will become art.

I’ve found a great hiding place for all my money, down the drain

Great songs don’t grow on trees, yet lots of songs have been written on great trees

Iron deficiency can lead to a wardrobe full of crumpled clothes

A sneeze can never be to far away

I moved out of my head office and went out of my mind.

Ignorance is bliss. Denial is the reaction to a painful truth.

Amazin’.’ he said again. ‘He just looks as though he’s thinking, right?”Er…yes.”But he’s not actually thinking?”Er…no.”So…he just gives the impression of thinking but really it’s just a show?”Er…yes.’Just like everyone else, then really,’ said Ridcully

Holly girl, you are all too human, I can assure you. Prickly and awkward and human, because that’s what witches are – human, that is, not necessarily the prickly and annoying bit. That’s just you.

Women are almost two thirds more likely than men to believe in God, a major study of attitudes among middle aged Britons has found, says The Telegraph. Well, men are twice more likely than God...

Short cuts make long delays.

Sophie did this?” He said, not for the first time. They were standing at the foot of Jessamine’s bed. She lay flung upon it, her chest rising and falling slowly like the famous Sleeping Beauty...

Bottled, was he?” Said Colonel Bantry, with an Englishman’s sympathy for alcoholic excess. “Oh, well, can’t judge a fellow by what he does when he’s drunk? When I was at Cambridge, I remember I put...

Most of the people I worked with in my old job were pretty cool. We used to go out drinking after lights out and the less pleasant members of staff would be the topic of...

You’ve never really loved your wife, have you, Ridley?

The Brit’s face shares a heritage with a junkyard butt-sniffing mutt. It’s a hard-earned moonshine mug, dotted with a hairy mole that looks like a rat’s been gnawing on it. His beard looks like a...

That´s the problem with planning a late night supper after the opera, not only does the hero or the heroine die singing, but you end up famished after the last notes of the finale.

What I Found in My DeskA ripe peach with an ugly bruise,a pair of stinky tennis shoes,a day-old ham-and-cheese on rye,a swimsuit that I left to dry,a pencil that glows in the dark,some bubble gum...

Victor Vigny: A monkey glances up and sees a banana, and that’s as far as he looks. A visionary looks up and sees the moon.Conor Broekhart: Which resembles a giant banana.

Vhat ozzer abilities do you haf?” ter Borcht snapped, which his assistant waited, pen in hand.Gazzy thought. “I have X-ray vision,” he said. He peered at ter Borcht’s chest, then blinked and looked alarmed.Ter Borcht...

Maruman does not loll.

The main reception foyer was almost empty but Ford nevertheless weaved his way through it.

Please don’t arrest me.””Listen to me, I’m not going to arrest you, ok? I’m not a cop.””Are you sure?””Am I sure I’m not a cop? yes, I’m sure.””You could be undercover.

I can win an argument on any topic, against any opponent. People know this, and steer clear of me at parties. Often, as a sign of their great respect, they don’t even invite me.

So? I know lots of beautiful women. Nova wanted to chase… I merely obliged her by running.

His fingers lightly grazed my cheek. “I didn’t know you before. When you’re not there, I can’t concentrate. I’m wondering where you are, what you’re doing…if you’re there and I can see you, I can...

Such a narrative as this demands some sort of physical consolation for its spiritual tribulation. Our heroine received it in one last cup of tea. The reader may be advised to do so likewise.

The men who made the joke saw something deep which they could not express except by something silly and emphatic.

The emperor is naked!”The parade stopped. The emperor paused. A hush fell over the crowd, until one quick-thinking peasant shouted:”No, he isn’t. The emperor is merely endorsing a clothing-optional lifestyle!

No! Wait! I’ve got a better idea…””Your ideas tend to result in unnecessary violence, Sergeant Schlock.””And your point is…””Let’s broaden the definition of ‘necessary’.”-Sergeant Schlock & Captain Tagon

The earliest intelligence of the travellers’ safe arrival at Antigua, after a favourable voyage, was received; though not before Mrs. Norris had been indulging in very dreadful fears, and trying to make Edmund participate them...

Life makes fun of us and we should help it.

I don’t have my whip and chair with me.

No. See, when you throw up you’re vomiting, but when you throw down you’re starting a fight, as in throwing down the gauntlet.””Ohhhh,” he said. “I thought you were speaking literally.””I do beg your pardon....

…food was at least three million per cent more delicious when you ate it immediately after thinking you were going to die.

Getting to a higher spiritual level is like increasing your credit score. You get a lot more points for sinning and repenting than if you have no credit history at all.

But the loneliness was still on Danny and demanded an outlet.’Here we sit,’ he began at last.’ – broken-hearted,’ Pilon added rhythmically.’No, this is not a poem,’ Danny said. ‘Here we sit, homeless. We gave...

There is no sunrise so beautiful that it is worth waking me up to see it.

Sorry, no professionals.

And finally, I get to meet the Breakup Coach” Ryan says before we can be introduced. “I’m a big fan of your work” he says with mock admiration as I turn around. I decide I...

I’m very much afraid I didn’t mean anything but nonsense.

I don’t know if you have had the same experience, but the snag I always come up against when I’m telling a story is this dashed difficult problem of where to begin it.