Always blow your own trumpet, blowing someone else’s is unhygienic

Stop worrying about life, no one survived it.

It just a fun game, until someone starts to win and then everyone else begins to cheat!

If you’re given a dirty look, wash it and give it back.

Frame everything and some of it will become art.

JOIN THE CIRCUS OF CHAOS … juggling, stilt walking, and other skills for socially acceptable procrastination.

If you want to know what’s going on, keep your mind in the fridge or it might go off.

Iron deficiency can lead to a wardrobe full of crumpled clothes

Great songs don’t grow on trees, yet lots of songs have been written on great trees

A sneeze can never be to far away

I moved out of my head office and went out of my mind.

I’ve found a great hiding place for all my money, down the drain

Amazin’.’ he said again. ‘He just looks as though he’s thinking, right?”Er…yes.”But he’s not actually thinking?”Er…no.”So…he just gives the impression of thinking but really it’s just a show?”Er…yes.’Just like everyone else, then really,’ said Ridcully

Holly girl, you are all too human, I can assure you. Prickly and awkward and human, because that’s what witches are – human, that is, not necessarily the prickly and annoying bit. That’s just you.

Short cuts make long delays.

What an absurdity to go and bury oneself in South America, where they are always having revolutions.

Our great democracies still tend to think that a stupid man is more likely to be honest than a clever man, and our politicians take advantage of this prejudice by pretending to be even more...

Secrets are dangerous.” Gottfried Baumauer.

This has serveral consequences, starting with screwing over most cryptography algorithms–translation: all your bank account are belong to us–

No one messes around with a nerd’s computer and escapes unscathed.

It was getting very clear then (and during this week Riseholme naturally thought of nothing else) that Lucia designed a longer residence in the garish metropolis than she had admitted. Since she chose to give...

Everywhere I go, I am asked if I think university stifles writers. My opinion is that it doesn’t stifle enough of them.

I daresay something will happen, between now and ’91, to make your fortunes look up.

You must master the vices. You know that if a thing is worth doing it’s worth doing well. If, however, a thing is not worth doing then it’s worth doing fabulously, amazingly, with grace, style...

loathe it or ignore it, you can’t like it.

Thank you. Thank you very much. It’s important you feel comfortable around me, Kenny. It’s important we build up a level of trust. That way I’ll catch you completely unprepared when I suddenly accuse you...

Humor is emotional chaos remembered in tranquility.

Many people claim coffee inspires them, but, as everybody knows, coffee only makes boring people even more boring.

Let me deal withit. Normally I’m not into directconfrontation with this sort of shit, butthere’s isn’t enough time for it to fizzle outon its own.”Mzatal regarded me with that damnedunreadable mask which he’d slipped on...

Sam, Sam, quite contrary,bought a budgie,wanted a canary.Sam, Sam, quite contrary, kissed Suzannah,meant to kiss Marry.Sam, Sam, quite contrary,dressed as a pirate,playing a fairy.Sam Sam quite contrary,ate dark chocolate,says he likes diary.Sam, Sam, quite contarary,shaved...

I’m glad to be eating the bread of freedom even if it does taste like sponge buttered with greasy salt.

I know the human being and fish can co-exist peacefully.

Judging by the sounds of general panic, I want a gun like that.

Un optimiste, c’est un homme qui plante deux glands et qui s’achète un hamac.

Gideon laughed. “I like to be direct.””Okay,” I said. “But I warn you, I like to be evasive, inserutable and generally send mixed messages.” “I doubt it.””Human interaction is not my strong point,” I told...

You will do well to take advantage of Madame’s short residence to get up your French a little… You will be glad of this, my dear, when you have reached France, where you will find...

And the way you lost your temper!” went on Wallis enthusiastically. “Oh, Mr. Allan, it was beautiful! You haven’t been more than to say snarly since the accident! It was so like the way you...

I was practically The Boy in the Bubble; all my autoimmune responses stripped bare by chemical representations of pine forests and summer meadows.

Back in my day, which was about a week and a half ago, we took our lumps and we got back up and we cried like babies and quit and then put on weight.

Manners come down to a single principle, talk of nothing that might actually prove interesting.

Maple thought optimistically that human beings, on their good days, weren’t much dimmer than sheep. Or at least, not much dimmer than dim sheep.

Chuck Norris will never have a heart attack. His heart isn’t nearly foolish enough to attack him.

Comedy is hard work. People expect you to be funny 24/7. So if you’re not constantly cracking up your friends, it can hurt you professionally. They may not read your book or come to your...

Jerry Falwell said that the reason that September 11th happened, the reason that God allowed it to happen, was because of certain people in our country. People like, and I’m quoting, ‘the pagans,’ which is...

If Beyoncé Knowles and Miley Cyrus represent the latest branch of feminism, then surely the male-dominated power elite must be aroused with concern.

I shot him a look. “That bouncer was really big.”His lips quirked. “Oh, Kitten, see, I try not to say bad things.””What?”The grin spread. “I would say size doesn’t matter but it does. I would...

Our friend Chewy doesn’t speak much, but he chews a lot of tobacco so we call him Chewbacco.

Che cazzo… -mormora Gesù. – Che ne è stato di ? Ogni volta che Dio ripensa alla meravigliosa semplicità di quella frase, il Suo unico e originale comandamento, gli subentra in automatico un altro pensiero:...

Sam’s hand brushed her shoulder, and she almost jumped out of her skin as he brought his mouth close to her ear and murmured, “You look beautiful. Though I bet you already know that.” She...

LADY BRACKNELLThis noise is extremely unpleasant. It sounds as if he was having an argument. I dislike arguments of any kind. They are always vulgar, and often convincing.