Frame everything and some of it will become art.

I’ve found a great hiding place for all my money, down the drain

I moved out of my head office and went out of my mind.

If you want to know what’s going on, keep your mind in the fridge or it might go off.

Iron deficiency can lead to a wardrobe full of crumpled clothes

A sneeze can never be to far away

Great songs don’t grow on trees, yet lots of songs have been written on great trees

I think cynicism often disguises itself as humour.

I feel that life is divided into the horrible and the miserable. That’s the two categories. The horrible are like, I don’t know, terminal cases, you know, and blind people, crippled. I don’t know how they get through life. It’s amazing to me. And the miserable is everyone else. So you should be thankful that...

In a traditional German toilet, the hole into which shit disappears after we flush is right at the front, so that shit is first laid out for us to sniff and inspect for traces of illness. In the typical French toilet, on the contrary, the hole is at the back, i.e. shit is supposed to...

It’s the oasis,” said the camel driver.”Well, why don’t we go there right now?” the boy asked.”Because we have to sleep.

can’t even face his marriage problems full on.

Laziness always wins.

Nothing can be more notorious than the calumnies and invectives with which the wisest measures and most virtuous characters of The United States have been pursued and traduced [By American Newspapers]

Democracy is the worst form of government, except for all the others.

Where’s Kraven? Is he stalking me too?”His mouth went tight. “I’m not stalking you.

They seek him here. They seek him there. Those Frenchies seek him everywhere. Is he in Heaven? Or is he in Hell? That damned, illusive pimpernel.

He turned around, suddenly concerned. “Are you pregnant? Are you gay? I’d rather you were gay than pregnant. Unless you’re pregnant. Then we’ll deal. Whatever it is, we’ll deal. Are you pregnant?

For any given problem, if there’s a simple solution it will already have been applied. So, perhaps, the solution isn’t as simple as you think.

It was like being leaned on by a very heavy, warm brick. A sexy brick.

Only the great warriors fall down from their horses; one would not fall who rides a donkey cart.

Those that know, do not need explanations, and those that do not, would not understand any explanations.

I suspect I am a hooligan.

Sorry, no. I refuse to join an army which practices human sacrifice and has no adequate pension plan.

Why?”Because I know it’ll annoy the shit out of you.

What’s happened is somewhere, along the line, as a society, we confused the notion of ‘home’ with the possibility of ‘an investment opportunity’. What kind of creature wants to live in an ‘investment opportunity’? Only man.The fox has his den. The bee has his hive. The stoat, has, uh… his stoat-hole… but only man chooses...

If natural selection can create creationists it can manage a caterpillar with a face on its arse.

Veimke” (jeune fille au pair),is subject to natural law,and can be made fat,by such things as poor diet,and alcohol.

I regret that I didn’t realize that actually they’ve got no power over you at school — it’s all just a trick to indoctrinate you into being a conditioned, tame, placid citizen. Rebel, children, I urge you, fight the turgid slick of conformity with which they seek to smother your glory.

In life, more than in anything else, it isn’t easy to end up alive.

Illegal aliens have always been a problem in the United States. Ask any Indian.

(on the word “fuck”)’Oh, come on, Mum,’ I sighed at her protest. ‘It’s just an old Anglo-Saxon word for the female organ which has been adopted by an inherently misogynist language as a negative epithet. It’s the same as “fuck”, it basically means the same as copulate, but the latter is perfectly acceptable. Why? Because...

Valuable and ingenious he might be, thought Jack, fixing him with his glass, but false he was too, and perjured. He had voluntarily sworn to have no truck with vampires, and here, attached to his bosom, spread over it and enfolded by one arm, was a greenish hairy thing, like a mat – a loathsome...

You know what would be awesome? . . . If I could have a machete.

Misery, thy name is Mudslide

I love you.” Of course, straight to the point was also an effective strategy.

Dor woke again as dawn came. The sun had somehow gotten around to the east, where the land was, and dried off so that it could shine again.

Well, don’t expect us to be too impressed. We just saw Finnick Odair in his underwear.

Money’s scarceTimes are hardHere’s your fuckingXmas card

Rhett: If you’ve made up your mind to impale someone, do it with conviction.

Mr. Vey, you cannot be stuffed into a locker without your consent.” Dallstrom said, which may be the dumbest thing ever said in a school. “You should have resisted. That’s like blaming someone who was struck by lightning for getting in the way.

Tiffany knew what the problem was immediately. She’d seen it before, atbirthday parties. Her brother was suffering from tragic sweetdeprivation. Yes, he was surrounded by sweets. But the moment he took anysweet at all, said his sugar-addled brain, that meant he was not takingall the rest. And there were so many sweets he’d never be...

Look,’ said Cyrus, raising his knife again and pointing it at her. ‘Give me one reason why we shouldn’t kill your boyfriend over there. Come on. The dark scowling face is reason enough in my book.’She could have sworn she heard the sound of Lucas’s eyes narrowing to slits.‘Come on, just one reason,’ Cyrus repeated,...

Actually, we have a lot of traditions for that. You’ll find out

It may take a village to raise a baby, but hell! it takes an army to produce a book.

Crime writers, I’ve noticed, can be jumpy. They live in a world where there are murderers on the loose and they haven’t been caught yet!

Losing the Internet has forced them to interact verbally instead of microblogging their lives, but a lot of them still talk in Tweets:”Ugh! I’m standing in line at the post office.””I’m not eating the crusts on my sandwich because apparently I’m five.

What do you do,’ said Jean, ‘with, ah, “ungifted” children when you have them?”Cherish them and raise them, you imbecile. Most of them end up working for us, in Karthain and elsewhere. What did you think we’d do, burn them on a pyre?”Forget I asked

I crawled back to bed, knowing I was done for. Hours later, the phone in our room started ringing. It was George. He was not happy.”Room 312. Now!” he shouted.Bouldy got up. I tried to pull myself together, splashing my face with water and hauling on my shorts and flip flops. It was a lovely...

Caldris led them over to a large covered basket that sat on the stones near the docked dinghy. He undid the cover, reached in and removed a live kitten. “- Hello, you monstrous little necessity”. “- Mrrrr”, said the monstrous little necessity.