Let me just say it out loud so we can laugh together: You’re going to find Johnny Depp, take him back to Vahalal, and put him in a zoo?

Jack, be nimble, Jack, be quickJill’s a little whore and her alibis are dirty tricks

Laziness is the mother of all bad habits, but ultimately she is a mother and we should respect her

How’d you get to be so good at this?””I had a good teacher.””Better not have been Myrnin or I’ll have to kick his predatory ass.””I mean you, dummy.””Oh.

John Adams warned of the division of America into two great political parties. Luckily, the parties we ended up with are mediocre at best.

World is so full of idiots that you can’t even imagine to escape. The only solution is isolation. But it still spares one!

I don’t need a personal trainer… I need someone to stalk me and threaten to kick my ass when I eat and drink stuff I’m not supposed to!

Students want female teachers to be warm and nurturing. When they aren’t, they get marked down across the board for being ‘bitches.” What’s a bitch? A woman who acts like a confident guy. Women are...

I like video games, but they’re really violent. I’d like to play a video game where you help the people who were shot in all the other games. It’d be called ‘Really Busy Hospital.

…I gotta burn these scales… sigh*

Then, yes, Shea, I would love to be your girlfriend.

A fit, healthy body—that is the best fashion statement

I have read the terms and conditions for growing up and I do not agree.

Noah held my hand and my bag as he escorted me to the third floor – the Women’s Pavilion. The elevator bell rang and the doors opened. “Jesus, Echo, circulation in my hand would be...

I was making pancakes the other day and a fly flew into the kitchen. And that’s when I realized that a spatula is a lot like a fly swatter. And a crushed fly is a...

Radical Edwards’s profile? He’s a seven-foot tall ex-basketball pro hindu guru drag-queen alien.-Jet Black, from the Cowboy Bebop anime script

Basil Stag Hare tut-tutted severely as he remarked to Ambrose Spike, ‘Tch, tch. Dreadful table manners. Just look at those three wallahs, kicking up a hullaballoo like that! Eating’s a serious business.

I must have killed a lot of cows in a past life for Karma to hate me this much.

The advantage of growing up with siblings is that you become very good at fractions.

The first sign of maturity is the discovery that the volume knob also turns to the left.

A bully with charisma and top marks is still a bully. He’ll probably end up Prime Minister one day. God help us all.

He’s not doing anything he shouldn’t be doing, right?” “Like what?””Like hitting on you.””Ew. No, of course not. He doesn’t see me that way.” Michael shook his head and went back to his coffee.”What? You...

Sort of’ is such a harmless thing to say… sort of. It’s just a filler. Sort of… it doesn’t really mean anything. But after certain things, sort of means everything. Like… after “I love you”…...

Check my riddle, and I’ll let you play my fiddle.

A philosopher is a blind man in a dark room looking for a black cat that isn’t there. A theologian is the man who finds it.

I want to lose weight by eating nothing but moon pies, which have significantly less gravity than earthier foods such as fruits and vegetables.

Somehow the idea of Montgomery as a fairy doesn’t have the same effect on me as it appears to have on you.-Raphael

I just recently figured out how mirrors work. Pretty cool. That guy always hungrily staring at my naked body was me!

I have the feeling we just made a deal with the devil, and he’s going to come back and want our first-born child or something.”Daemon waggled his brows. “You want kids? Because you know, practice...

Look at what you’ve done,’ Sanguine said, shaking his head with mock severity. ‘You have foiled out insidious little plot. You have emerged triumphant and victorious. Curse you, do-gooders. Curse you.

I would never say snog. I would say osculate.” She looks at me as if to say: why do you exist?

What are we going to do when we get into the temple, anyway? Are we going to fight our way through the Necromancers on our own?””No, we’re going to find a way to let our...

As a conservative, while I oppose the invasion of privacy, I fully support the privatization of that invasion.

I’ve had so many bikini waxes, I cry every time I see a Popsicle stick.

It’s a very small object to be capable of doing many wonderful things, don’t you think?””It does much more that that,” Valkyrie said, opening up a game and showing it to him.His eyes widened. “What...

I cook better than you,” Nick corrected absently. “I think monkeys can probably be taught to cook better than you.””I’d like to have a monkey that cooked for me,” said Jamie. ” I would pay...

Best friends one, and now we have almost nothing to say to each other. It was interesting, how he had joined those guys and I just stayed on my own. I didn’t like it or...

I was nervous. Like an ice cube, I just froze up. Then I melted in some strange guy’s drink.

He wanted a faery. More than anything else in the world. He had already imagined exactly how it should happen. He would set up the invitation, and the next day there would be a petal-winged...

Aunt Elizabeth said, ‘Do you expect to attend many balls, if I may ask?’ and I said, ‘Yes, when I am rich and famous.’ and Aunt Elizabeth said, ‘Yes, when the moon is made of...

Analysis is soul of thought and ghost of wit.

Yeah, I was thinking about taking one of those showers where you huddle in the corner fully clothed and cry,” Archer offered.

If flowers were boogers, I’d pick a few big ones and flick them on your grave.

What were you thinking?” I demanded once we were moving to the music. I was trying to ignore his hands. “Do you know how much trouble you may have gotten me in?”Adrian grinned. “Nah. They...

Webster said, ”Time them skeeters get done with that old man, his French blood will be all gone and he will speak American as good as we do.

They tend to come out a colour called ‘Pants left in wash’

I installed a skylight in my apartment…The people who live above me arefurious!

Ever heard of the rule of three? he shouts as we run.No!If you save somebody’s life three times, their life belongs to you. You saved my life today, that makes once. Save it twice more...

I want to protect innocent people from sin by locking them in cages, where the evil can’t get to them.

(Referring to the piano’s natural shape) Isn’t it a shame when those big fat opera singers lean against the pianos and bend them?