Erre es korakas, Blinky!” Dionysus cursed. “I will have your soul!

Always think backwards before moving forwards

Jack, be nimble, Jack, be quickJill’s a little whore and her alibis are dirty tricks

Love flows like flowers, and grows like water. I’m so thirsty for romance I could drink a dozen roses.

Humor can make a serious difference. In the workplace, at home, in all areas of life – looking for a reason to laugh is necessary. A sense of humor helps us to get through the...

John Adams warned of the division of America into two great political parties. Luckily, the parties we ended up with are mediocre at best.

My doctor told me to avoid unnecessary stress, so I stopped going to doctors.

Mom lied. The crust is the shittiest part.

You can’t shame a shameless man, you can only remind him of the awesome shit he’s done.

I don’t mean to be rude—” he began, in a tone that threatened rudeness in every syllable.”Yet, sadly, accidental rudeness occurs alarmingly often,” Dumbledore finished the sentence gravely.

Comedy is a great tool. We are trying to find ways to use humor to enlighten people without preaching to them.

Caring about someone isn’t complicated. It isn’t easy. But it isn’t complicated, either. Kinda like lifting the engine block out of a car.

If you only go around once in life, then why has that one gone around more than once?

We’re all odd balls; some people are just better at pretending to be even

It’s easier to win an argument over a dinner you’re paying for.

Who’s stupid now, Jimbo?!

Lightning doesn’t thunder twice. Let that be a lesson in love.

Laziness is the mother of all bad habits, but ultimately she is a mother and we should respect her

over protective? a butler in a grade- B movie? someones jewish mother? you got it

Oh, I can’t help quoting you, because everything that you said rings true.

That’s art. Nothing is for everybody.

You know, it really doesn`t matter what (the media) write as long as you`ve got a young and beautiful piece of ass.

Life is short unless agony is long.

I like video games, but they’re really violent. I’d like to play a video game where you help the people who were shot in all the other games. It’d be called ‘Really Busy Hospital.

There is a meaning of life but I’ve been sworn to secrecy.

Never be less interesting than your refrigerator magnets.

I don’t need a personal trainer… I need someone to stalk me and threaten to kick my ass when I eat and drink stuff I’m not supposed to!

Oh, man,” Xavier groaned. “See what you’ve done–now I’m stressing.””You can’t! You’re the stable one!”Xavier laughed and I realized his distress had been feigned to illustrate a point. He wasn’t worried in the slightest.”Just relax....

Uh, normally she doesn’t judo-flip people.

Why no s for two deer,but an s for two monkeys?Brother Quang saysno one knows.So much for rules!Whoever invented English should be bitten by a snake.

I can’t name just one example. Then there’s only one.

All art is but dirtying the paper delicately.

My life is so bad that it’s worse than it really is.

The thing I hate the most about advertising is that it attracts all the bright, creative and ambitious young people, leaving us mainly with the slow and self-obsessed to become our artists.. Modern art is...

Self talk and self prayer: When you audible the first and correctly interpret, the white coats correct you in a nuthouse. When you audible the second and misinterpret, the dinner coats swear you to an...

A fit, healthy body—that is the best fashion statement

I was making pancakes the other day and a fly flew into the kitchen. And that’s when I realized that a spatula is a lot like a fly swatter. And a crushed fly is a...

If it was my business, I wouldn’t talk about it. It is very vulgar to talk about one’s business. Only people like stockbroker’s do that, and then merely at dinner parties.

I spilled semen everywhere. No wonder the world is overpopulated.

Only a female could be as calculating and have the foresight that destiny requires,’ the gypsy explained. ‘Now fate is a man,’ he went on, ‘no planning, just go with the flow and see what...

Nobody can be bad at everything. There’s no such thing as a perfect screwup.

90% of life is showing up. I’m staying home to wait for the other 10%.

Hello, Bradley,’ said Mom. She’d regained her composure after my outburst, and now raised her camera. ‘Stand close.”No, Mom,’ I said. ‘No pictures.”But you’re friend’s here now,’ she said, waving us together. ‘Smile!”I don’t need...

You might as well laugh at yourself,everyone else is.

I finally decided what I want to be when I grow up – late.

How’d you get to be so good at this?””I had a good teacher.””Better not have been Myrnin or I’ll have to kick his predatory ass.””I mean you, dummy.””Oh.

The most pleasant and alluring curve on a woman is the smile

Even men of the noblest possible moral character are extremely susceptible to the influence of the physical charms of others. Modern, no less then Ancient History, supplies us with many most painful examples of what...

An apple a day feeds the tapeworm to stay.

If the weight comes from bacon you can so deduct it off the scale total to get your true weight. #science