Only a female could be as calculating and have the foresight that destiny requires,’ the gypsy explained. ‘Now fate is a man,’ he went on, ‘no planning, just go with the flow and see what tomorrow brings.

When your diary is full and your life is empty, get a date

Iron deficiency can lead to a wardrobe full of crumpled clothes

Always think backwards before moving forwards

You can change your mind, don’t let your mind change you

A sneeze can never be to far away

I’ve found a great hiding place for all my money, down the drain

We’re on a planet, relax!

You know, it really doesn`t matter what (the media) write as long as you`ve got a young and beautiful piece of ass.

Who knows how to make love stay?1. Tell love you are going to Junior’s Deli on Flatbush Avenue in Brooklyn to pick up a cheesecake, and if loves stays, it can have half. It will stay.2. Tell love you want a momento of it and obtain a lock of its hair. Burn the hair in...

Smartass Disciple: Master, I’m going to change the whole world.Master of Stupidity: It changes within you. It changes without you.

Smartass Disciple: If there were two masters, which one should I listen to?Master of Stupidity: Use the ears to the one who looks so stupid, eyes to else.

I paid the cabman exactly his fare. He received it with an oath; upon which I instantly gave him a tract. If I had presented a pistol at his head, this abandoned wretch could hardly have exhibited greater consternation. He jumped up on his box, and, with profane exclamations of dismay, drove off furiously. Quite...

The dull people decided years and years ago, as everyone knows, that novel-writing was the lowest species of literary exertion, and that novel reading was a dangerous luxury and an utter waste of time.

A few alligators are naturally of the vicious type and inclined to resent it when you prod them with a stick. You can find out which ones these are by prodding them.

The stork is voiceless because there is really nothing to say.

maybes”.’ ‘Maybe,’ I said. ‘But if what I’m saying is correct …

The most pleasant and alluring curve on a woman is the smile

Aye, Sir. Course laid in” is a seriously sweet gig, but when I was a teenager, it sucked.

Victor eyed the glistening tubes in the tray around Dibbler’s neck. They smelled appetizing. They always did. And then you bit into them, and learned once again that Cut-me-own-Throat Dibbler could find a use for bits of an animal that the animal didn’t know it had got. Dibbler had worked out that with enough fried...

… a metaphor … is like lying but more decorative.

But we left camp after a while and we was driving in a real spooky place cause all the roads up near camp are dark and in the woods and we had to drive for a while to get to a highway cause there was no street lights or anything and nothing but woods and...

I heard this story once,” she said, “where this bloke got locked up for years and years and he learned amazin’ stuff about the universe and everythin’ from another prisoner who was incredibly clever, and then he escaped and got his revenge.””What incredibly clever stuff do you know about the universe, Gytha Ogg?” said Granny.”Bugger...

Cats gravitate to kitchens like rocks gravitate to gravity.

It wasn’t enough that I had to worry about playing well and winning the game, but I also had to deal with possibility that one of my teammates could be dragged off the field by the inhabitants of the mental hospital.

Ever since the robot was first invented, there have been people who swear up and down that this marks the first step towards the fall of man … To be fair, their arguments are backed with scientific fact taken from documentary films such as The Terminator, The Matrix, and RoboCop.

I never understood how men could remember all those details about sports but, yet, were incapable of remembering where they set their car keys or wallet.

It is well known that stone can think, because the whole of electronics is based on that fact, but in some universes men spend ages looking for other intelligences in the sky without once looking under their feet. That is because they’ve got the time-span all wrong. From stone’s point of view the universe is...

Supposing an emperor was persuaded to wear a new suit of clothes whose material was so fine that, to the common eye, the clothes weren’t there. And suppose a little boy pointed out this fact in a loud, clear voice…Then you have The Story of the Emperor Who Had No Clothes.But if you knew a...

Heaven has no taste.””Now-“”And not one single sushi restaurant.”A look of pain crossed the angel’s suddenly very serious face.

Cards and boards, [Johnny] thought. And the dead. That’s not dark forces. Making a fuss about cards and heavy metal and going on about Dungeons and Dragons stuff because it’s got demon gods in it is like guarding to door when it is really coming up through the floorboards. Real dark forces… aren’t dark. They’re...

I would not trade any of these features for anybody else’s. I wouldn’t trade the small thin-lipped mouth that makes me resemble my nephew. I wouldn’t even trade the acne scar on my right cheek, because that recurring zit spent more time with me in college than any boy ever did.

I’m told I’m very charming when people do what I want.

All right, shadow-priest, you’ve been spying — on what? What state secrets have you learned watching me groom these horses?”Only that they hate you, Daru. Every time your back was turned, they got ready to nip you — only you always seemed to step away at precisely the right moment-”Yes, I did, since I knew...

Your own brain ought to have the decency to be on your side!

Bein’ a soldier is not hard. If it was, soldiers would not be able to do it.

Normalmente los magos definían ‘escuchar’ como un período durante el que decidías lo que dirías a continuación. Era desconcertante.

There’s me,” said Tiffany.

(…) perfectly ordinary books, printed on commonplace paper in mundane ink. It would be a mistake to think that they weren’t also dangerous, just because reading them didn’t make fireworks go off in the sky. Reading them sometimes did the more dangerous trick of making fireworks go off in the privacy of the reader’s brain.

In the words of the philosopher Sceptum, the founder of my profession: am I going to get paid for this?

He’d been an angel once. He hadn’t meant to Fall. He’d just hung around with the wrong people.

We got the spell exactly right. Except for the ingredients. And most of the poetry. And it probably wasn’t the right time. And Gytha took most of it home for the cat, which couldn’t of been proper.

But not for long,” said Nanny wistfully.

Even the pious Scots, locked throughout history in a long-drawn-out battle with their arch-enemies the Scots, managed a few burnings to while away the long winter evenings.

Wizards don’t believe in gods. They didn’t deny their existence, of course. They just didn’t believe. It was nothing personal; they weren’t actually rude about it. Gods were a visible part of narrativium that made things work, that gave the world its purpose. It was just that they were best avoided close up.

It is said that whomsoever the gods wish to destroy, they first make mad. In fact, whomsoever the gods wish to destroy, they first hand the equivalent of a stick with a fizzing fuse and Acme Dynamite Company written on the side. It’s more interesting, and doesn’t take so long.

Thou shalt not submit thy god to market forces.

There’s one thing you can say for air pollution, you get utterly amazing sunrises.

Ichigo: You got that? Huh?! I’m the rescuer, so you just SHUT UP!!Rukia: Wha–wha’d you say? A rescuer isn’t supposed to ignore the rescuee!Ichigo: Yeah? And what kind of rescuee complains about the rescue!? Why don’t you go sit in a corner and tremble in fear and cry out “Save me! Save me!” like you’re...

He only drinks when he gets depressed,’ said Carrot. ‘Why does he get depressed?’ ‘Sometimes it’s because he hasn’t had a drink.