My life is so bad that it’s worse than it really is.
A fit, healthy body—that is the best fashion statement
Nobody can be bad at everything. There’s no such thing as a perfect screwup.
90% of life is showing up. I’m staying home to wait for the other 10%.
When your diary is full and your life is empty, get a date
You might as well laugh at yourself,everyone else is.
I finally decided what I want to be when I grow up – late.
Uh, normally she doesn’t judo-flip people.
An apple a day feeds the tapeworm to stay.
Always think backwards before moving forwards
I spilled semen everywhere. No wonder the world is overpopulated.
Mom lied. The crust is the shittiest part.
We’re all odd balls; some people are just better at pretending to be even
The most pleasant and alluring curve on a woman is the smile
Oh, I can’t help quoting you, because everything that you said rings true.
Growing up is the dumbest thing I ever wanted to rush into.
That’s art. Nothing is for everybody.
Erre es korakas, Blinky!” Dionysus cursed. “I will have your soul!
Jack, be nimble, Jack, be quickJill’s a little whore and her alibis are dirty tricks
Life is short unless agony is long.
Never be less interesting than your refrigerator magnets.
It’s easier to win an argument over a dinner you’re paying for.
There is a meaning of life but I’ve been sworn to secrecy.
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