Huge Jackman has divorced his wife and happened upon my picture in some old article and decided that I’m the woman for him?~ Susan

JOSH!” she screeched, accidentally letting loose a snap of electricity.

Don’t put your wand there, boy! … Better wizards than you have lost buttocks, you know!

In theory, especially in the case of Stone, those who have human hearts would remain cognizant of their behavior and in control of themselves. Those who are Katagaria . . .

I’m a born-again atheist.

Divination is turning out to be much more trouble than I could have foreseen, never having studied the subject myself.

So, you invite a wild rabbit living in Italy to a party on the island of Crete. What’s it supposed to do, swim there? Its little tux would get wet.

AHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!’ he screamed.’So that’s Sara,’ I said.’Yes.”She seems nice.

A brick could be used to change the channel on a TV. Or at least turn it off—permanently.

A teacher had once told them that men were either beasts, gentlemen, or beasts masquerading as gentlemen. Might there be a fourth category — gentlemen masquerading as beasts?

The following ten throws went a variety of places. I never hit the target, but I was getting closer. Isabella was laughing so hard she wrote “Please stop can’t breathe” in the dirt with her...

A brick could be used as a trophy at your company’s annual award ceremony. It’s a way to save money while making pride and applause at the same time.

I hardly think there’s any chance of that,” Amelie said. “I doubt you have the capacity.

Impersonating a quiet, gentle librarian like Barbara Gordon–You deserve to be taken out of circulation!

A brick could be used to stall for time when the police are searching your place looking for a missing person. I kept telling them, I didn’t steal a person—I kidnapped a mannequin. Is that...

Yes,” he said. “I am sure. I double-checked everything after you went home yesterday. I even made a few improvements, just in case.” The first part of that reassured her. The second part… not so...

If at first you don’t succeed, skydiving is not for you.

Women who seek advice from single women about getting a man is like asking a homeless man how to be rich.

The only difference between me and a famous writer is that I do not want to be famous.

If it works, it will be plenty dramatic. And I suppose that if it doesn’t work, it will be even more dramatic, what with the blast.””David, I think you just made a joke.”He frowned, utterly...

A brick could be crushed, mixed with water, and drunk like a sports drink. And hey, with no bromated vegetable oil, it’s healthier than Gatorade.

Make sure they put that on your headstone, will you? Right below ‘Here lies Benedict Bartholomew Ford. He had no friends and a really stupid name’.

Damn, Ian was already there. I braced myself as he came out from behind the RV. He sniffed, his nose wrinkling. Then he looked over me and my blonde captive, grinning.”Managed to squeeze in a...

Bricks, bricks, and bricks could be used instead of gold, silver, and bronze medals in the Olympics. If all an athlete cares about is winning, then I’ll take the precious metal off the international communities’...

You aren’t allowed back until you’ve learned to willingly suspend disbelief.

I’m jealous of your hooks,” Kevin replied. “Having no hands is better than having two equally strong hands.”Don’t be ridiculous,” one of the white-faced women replied. “Having a white face is worse than both of...

The common man prays, ‘I want a cookie right now!’ And God responds, ‘If you’d listen to what I say, tomorrow it will bring you 100 cookies.

I don’t think people have been able to deal with the fact that African American filmmakers can make movies about life and relationships.

A brick could be used as a Red Beard Replacement, for those of us who can’t grow facial hair, but desire the respect a beard brings.

There’s nothing more boring than unintelligent actors, because all they have to talk about is themselves and acting. There have to be other things.

All of a sudden Yutaka realized he had created a cloud of dust all around him. Oh no! No! This sucks. This blows more than your mama! Hey, now’s not the time to come up...

Psychobabble attempts to redefine the entire English language just to make a correct statement incorrect. Psychology is the study of why someone would try to do this.

I’m Liberace without a piano.

Lief. That’s not nice, considering all your sister has done for you,” admonished Perl.”Oh right. How could I forget that she made me bait for a snake, left me on house arrest in Ixia, and...

When I was small I dreamed of demons. I thought they were under my bed, but you said, it can’t be so, you don’t get demons our side of the river, the guards won’t let...

Did you know that man had the nerve to lasso me while I was out in the woods?

Hey! When he dug into it, rifling through her things, she snapped, “Go Yoda someone else’s supplies, asshole.

I stitched an itch to my side. As far as surgeries go, I’m just barely scratching the surface.

Took me a while to get to the point today, but that is because I did not know what the point was when I started.

Wisdom of the Ages: “The Pope and Congress” It looks as if confidence in the American voter to exorcise the demons in the Capitol has completely fallen through.

A brick could be used as a trophy, and when you get yours, believe me, you’ll have earned it.

The small amount of foolery wise men have makes a great show.

Xav sprinkled olive oil on his lettuce. ‘Lola was very particular that it all had to fit properly.’ ‘Lola?’ squeaked Diamond. I wanted to warn her not to rise to the bait Xav was dangling...

California is a fine place to live, if you happen to be an orange.

Artificial plants grow best in artificial light.

Although, not first-hand,” he quickly adds.

A brick could be used as a Sexual Orientation Device. But I don’t need it, because I know my sexual orientation—north!

I had liked him for all the wrong reasons.

Occasionally, a dog will be presented as some training method for having a baby. “My girlfriend and I got a dog. We are going to see if we can handle that before we have kids.”...

Even Dad likes it,” said Caddy, and her father agreed that he did. In a way. Being a broad-minded, tolerant, artistic sort of person. Or so people told him…”Oh, yes?” said Saffron, rolling her eyes.”Yes,”...