It’s easier to win an argument over a dinner you’re paying for.
I ought to fire one of my two employees into the other one’s asshole.
I got a boob job on my butt, and be honest here, does this bra make my ass look fat?
If I could change any one thing about me, I’d change you.
Whenever I drink, I always have one too many. Of course, I only ever drink one.
I’m now solidly in my mid-thirties. I turned thirty, three days ago.
Susan B. Anthony. Also, Susan be Anthony, now that she had a sex change.
Alcohol is the motorcycle of beverages. Liver fast, die young.