It’s easier to win an argument over a dinner you’re paying for.
Let’s make love in the library—in the romance section.
Christ was the son, I am a magnifying glass, and you are an ant.
I had a dream about you. We were in a band. I was the lead singer, guitar player, saxophonist, harpist, violinist, bassist, cellist, harmonica player, pianist, and drummer. Oh, and I played the trumpet. And you, you had the important role—you played air guitar. I feel this dream accurately reflects me as an unselfish person,...
Renaldina told Renaldo and Renaldo told me, so that’s two points for possible miscommunication, especially when you consider that she’s deaf and he’s blind, so it went through two language variations and two incompatible methods of travel, like mule to submarine.
J is the sexiest letter, followed closely by a,r,o,d, and then k,i,n,t,z.
Little Women,” what, is that about midgets? I freaking love midgets.
I used to wrestle, and I had a perfect record. I never failed to fail.
I type as fast as a ten-legged man who just had eight legs chopped off runs.
The ocean waves were choppy. Good thing I know karate and was able to fight back.
Love will wreck your heart like a derailed train. So choo-choose your partner wisely.
My name is Yogurt Vonnegut, and I write with a spoon.
I’m running from the very person I’m chasing, and this is how I know I’m in love.
flat” characters, are all maps. It’ll be a story about boundaries.
The only thing I could love more than you is two of you. And I suppose three.
I like coffee tables. I’m into drinkable furniture.
Bestseller doesn’t necessarily mean good writer. I think it takes 10,000 book sales to make the bestseller’s list, and at about 9 dollars a pop for my book, if I had an extra $90,000 dollars of disposable income, I’d be a bestseller tomorrow. But would I be a better writer? No, I’d be a poorer...
I have a bedroom rug that I feed. It’s not very flat, and it meows when I step on it.
Cats have the curiosity of a genius, while dogs have the intellect of a sack of manure covered in hair and mulch made from bark (so loud). Actually, that assessment isn’t quite fair. Sacks of manure are smarter than dogs, and make better best friends (I should know, because I’ve lost three best friends to...
Love is meant to be felt, like a cat. I’m meowing for your affection.