…I gotta burn these scales… sigh*

The boomerang is Australia’s chief export (and then import).

Listen carefully, Lucas Steele, because I will only say this once. I am NOT your mate, I will never be your mate, and if you ever put your hands on me again I will cut them off along with other body parts you might want to use one day. Got it?” Jacque told him with...

Fact: The plastic knife is perfect for when a person just wants to make some marks on his food and get insanely frustrated at the same time.

No one ever thinks about the guy who was raised by the guy who was raised by wolves.

Hotel Conundrum: The continental breakfast. What is it that makes continents so shitty at providing an adequate breakfast?

This was shaping up to be the worst conference call of my life, even worse than that time I accidentally clogged the school toilet back in the first grade with my Boba Fett figure (I was pretending it was the Sarlaac pit).

If only, I thought, I could talk to Eugene just one more time. This was before I came to understand that you cannot make someone fall in love with you But here’s what you can do. By arguing and pleading and screaming and crying and throwing plates and phoning a lot and bringing hot food...

If men had to have babies there wouldn’t be any sex life left.

How did you know they were there?” Glory asked. “Oh wait, I forgot, NightWings are all-knowing, all-seeing and all-brilliant, right?” “Don’t forget al-wonderful and all-brilliant.

Selling eternal life is an unbeatable business, with no customers ever asking for their money back after the goods are not delivered.

Britain and America couldn’t agree on shoe sizing, dress sizing, weight, distance or temperature measurements, but on the scale of breasts, we were of one voice.

Fo’. Shiz.

Sell your book like a can of beans & your readers will place the same value on it.

Only the great warriors fall down from their horses; one would not fall who rides a donkey cart.

Men live by intervals of reason under the sovereignty of humor and passion

Leandros’s favorite place had turned out not to be vegetarian, but vegan, which was for people who preferred their suicide slow.

Jewish vampires: Garlic? As a weapon? No its a spice silly human

Humor is something that thrives between man’s aspirations and his limitations. There is more logic in humor than in anything else. Because, you see, humor is truth.

(Referring to the piano’s natural shape) Isn’t it a shame when those big fat opera singers lean against the pianos and bend them?

One afternoon, when I was four years old, my father came home, and he found me in the living room in front of a roaring fire, which made him very angry. Because we didn’t have a fireplace.

What’s your name?””What?” I asked, squinting at the light.”Your name.” I recognized Dr. Olendzki peering over me.”You know my name.””I want you to tell me.””Rose. Rose Hathaway.””Do you know your birthday?””Of course I do. Why are you asking me such stupid things? Did you lose my records?”Dr. Olendzki gave an exasperated sigh and walked off.

Her date was pleasant enough, but she knew that if her life was a movie this guy would be buried in the credits as something like “Second Tall Man”.

Trust me, I write fiction.

Shayna thinking about Jensen:” ….From my first glance I knew he was atleast three or four inches taller than me and I could tell his lightweight sweater hid a well muscled chest and arms, but lean, not meaty. I was aware of an excess of saliva in my mouth and forced myself to swallow, trying...

Oh, how I regret not having worn a bikini for the entire year I was twenty-six. If anyone young is reading this, go, right this minute, put on a bikini, and don’t take it off until you’re thirty-four.

Boys are just dogs

I’m infatuated with you, I cannot deny it. Physically speaking, you’re a very attractive man. But I don’t like you, the vast majority of the time. So far as I can gather, you behave abominably in public and are only marginally better in private. I only find you remotely tolerable when you’re kissing me.

Paul is a liar, he said so. (Romans 3:7.)

When a guy says,’I’ll call you,’ and he doesn’t say when-that means he won’t call you.” Kit pulled his phone out of his pocket and pressed a couple buttons. My phone vibrated in my pocket. I fished it out, smiling. “Madness,” Kit whispered softly into his phone. “I meant I’d call you. This is me...

was willing to bend nature to fit his grand philosophical scheme.” The only difference between Mendeleev and crackpottery is that Mendeleev was right: Lecoq de Boisbaudran soon retracted his data and published results that corroborated Mendeleev’s predictions.

When I get to Heaven I just know I’m going to forget my toothbrush.

If I could out run the Angel of Death I’d probably die from lack of breath!

Lots of ways to have your steak “Well done, medium rare, rare, bloody or fetch me a club”.

I was out of salt so I threw pepper over my left shoulder for luck and the poor guy behind me almost sneezed himself to death.

South Carolina is not a state; it is a cult.

Umoristica (sessista): “Alcuni membri della Commissione avrebbero preferito che le donne non fossero ammesse in Irlanda, ma ci voleva pure qualcuno che stirasse

If you have the choice between humble and cocky, go with cocky. There’s always time to be humble later, once you’ve been proven horrendously, irrevocably wrong.

There were certain instances where I used humor to deflect questions, and I guess some reporters took offense,

That?” I glanced back to the door where JT had disappeared. “That was Genus Homo, species Whowantstofuckus, subspecies Closeted Headup Hisassia. Let us move on to the cages with the interesting animals.”–Jacob “Yasha” Livingston

The stork is voiceless because there is really nothing to say.

Count Duchamps: It’s a wonder he didn’t clank when he [Jim West] when he walked. (referring to all of Jim’s gadgets and weaponry)Wild Wild West (TV) Season 1Night of the Two-Legged Buffalo

Y’all reporters like my quotes, don’t you. Yeah, my quotes are Shaqalicious.

Unfortunately…I missed out on the California Gold Rush a century before…I’ll be dammed if I miss out on this one.

Once she even successfully argued on behalf of my older brother, Dan, getting a BBGun, a weapon which he promptly turned against his younger siblings, outfitting us in helmet and leather jacket and instructing us to run across Eaton Park while he practiced his marksmanship. Today he is a colonel in the army and the...

I’ll tell you more when my skin stops crawling.

Raven: The Honourable Mr Listless is gone. He declared that, what with family quarrels in the morning, and ghosts at night, he could get neither sleep nor peace; and that the agitation was too much for his nerves: though Mr Glowry assured him that the ghost was only poor Crow walking in his sleep, and...

Well, don’t expect us to be too impressed. We just saw Finnick Odair in his underwear.

…clearly, we’re supposed to be together. If this were the internet, seventeen-year-old girls would be writing slash fiction about us as we speak.

If you were an animal, what would you be?” I wrote, “A bumblebee trying to fuck a marble.