The boomerang is Australia’s chief export (and then import).

First, let me finish. Then interrupt.

…I gotta burn these scales… sigh*

Spanish was weird that way: two words for monkeys, and esposas meant both wives and handcuffs. That said a lot.

That is fuckin’ awesome. I mean fuckin’ awesome. I fuckin’ mean fucking awesome. You are one Big Swinging Dick, and don’t ever let anybody tell you different.” It brought tears to my eyes to hear...

I’ve been coerced into free will.

The biggest enemy of truth is known as facts in our society.

Listen carefully, Lucas Steele, because I will only say this once. I am NOT your mate, I will never be your mate, and if you ever put your hands on me again I will cut...

Fact: The plastic knife is perfect for when a person just wants to make some marks on his food and get insanely frustrated at the same time.

Hotel Conundrum: The continental breakfast. What is it that makes continents so shitty at providing an adequate breakfast?

Our atheist thoughts go out to his family following their loss.

Monday is Teacher Appreciation Day, and I was thinking of making a nice quiche for Miss Keener.

No one ever thinks about the guy who was raised by the guy who was raised by wolves.

A lie near to truth is always difficult to catch.

Men exist because a vibrator can’t fix a flat tire. On second thought, I should just buy a AAA card…

Andamio

Sorry, I didn’t see the big X with the words Top Secret Government Laboratory on the map, did you?

There are times when I am so unlike myself that I might be taken for someone else of an entirely opposite character.

Holy hell,” Shawn whispered, his eyes glued to Ziang’s front. Particularly to what Ziang didn’t have between his legs. “Dude, where’s your dick?

Let her? Mate, if you think you can control a woman, you must be single—-and a thousand pounds says she beats your arse.

There are some people who believe that home is where one hangs one’s hat, but these people tend to live in closets and on little pegs.

…but once more I say do as you please, for we women are born to this burden of being obedient to our husbands, though they be blockheads

I need you to get inside Wayne’s head. I need someone who thinks a bit left field and in your own unpleasant way, Helen Walsh, you’re a genius.He had a point. I’m lazy and illogical....

Wisdom of the Ages “The Marshawn” US Army’s new main battle tank. Runs over enemies instead of shooting them. Biggest expense: maintaining the dreadlocks hanging off the turret.

Sam was waiting for her,his gaze sweeping over her. “Looks great.” “I look like a geek,” Lucy said. “I smell like a brewery. And I need a bra.””My dream date.

If you always do what interests you, at least one person is pleased”.

Madam, I have just come from a country where people are hanged if they talk.

Communist until you get rich. Feminist until you get married. Atheist until the airplane starts falling.

Clap your hands, stomp your feet, praise the Lord, we got some heat!

The main difference between a lawyer and a prostitute is that a prostitute won’t screw you after you’re dead.

She narrowed her eyes and concentrated on his mouth. Name. He wanted her name. She had to think about it for a second before she remembered. Great. She must have hit her head. Which, duh,...

Lord Emsworth belonged to the people-like-to-be-left-alone-to-amuse-themselves-when-they-come-to-a-place school of hosts

Jack might look my age, but he was like a little kid on a sugar high — in need of a good spanking. — Good heavens, that sounded creepy.

Years ago there was an old man I knew that told me he didn’t trust me, because people with beards were hiding from something. I told him, “That’s true, I’m hiding from the barber!!

So good.

Dude, you know I’m not getting paid for this shit, which is probably against the law. Child labor going on right here in the heartland of America!-Dan Garrett

I hated her out of principle; and that principle was bitterness.

Do you like him? Ty asked. “Not that I care.” “I do,” I said, because it was true. Even though it didn’t matter anymore. “Not that I care you don’t care. Though you clearly do...

He stood at the table facing Flora and blowing heavily on his tea and staring at her. Flora did not mind. It was quite interesting: like having tea with a rhinoceros.

If an angry bull is running toward you, and your pants become wet despite holding the red cloth, make sure the other side of the cloth is white.

Our ancestors are very good kind of folks; but they are the last people I should choose to have a visiting acquaintance with.

Worry wasn’t an emotion to which he was particularly accustomed—and it worried him.

You hit the Lord of The Titans with a blue plastic hairbrush.

May my hands fall from my wrists before I kill an artist like yourself,” said the man in black. “I would as soon destroy da Vinci. However”—and here he clubbed Inigo’s head with the butt...

Albert Camus did not know he was summing up modern photojournalism when he wrote:”Will I kill myself or have a cup of coffee

How many beers do y’all think it takes before one internationally scientist turns to another and says, ‘Dude, bet you twenty bucks I can levitate a frog with a magnet?’ ‘ Sam drawled.

He had a dashing smile. It nearly dashed right off his face.

One thing I’ll miss is his sense of humor, however warped it may be.

(About sweeping)….What he was in FACT doing was moving the dirt around with a broom, to give it a change of scenery and a chance to make new friends.

Jim: Green and red. (pulls on green lever which closes a door)Artie: Very impressive. (stops Jim from pulling the red lever). Uh…did it ever occur to you that red might mean danger?Jim: For instance?Artie: For...