…I gotta burn these scales… sigh*

The boomerang is Australia’s chief export (and then import).

Fact: The plastic knife is perfect for when a person just wants to make some marks on his food and get insanely frustrated at the same time.

Listen carefully, Lucas Steele, because I will only say this once. I am NOT your mate, I will never be your mate, and if you ever put your hands on me again I will cut them off along with other body parts you might want to use one day. Got it?” Jacque told him with...

No one ever thinks about the guy who was raised by the guy who was raised by wolves.

Hotel Conundrum: The continental breakfast. What is it that makes continents so shitty at providing an adequate breakfast?

There were certain instances where I used humor to deflect questions, and I guess some reporters took offense,

The stork is voiceless because there is really nothing to say.

Count Duchamps: It’s a wonder he didn’t clank when he [Jim West] when he walked. (referring to all of Jim’s gadgets and weaponry)Wild Wild West (TV) Season 1Night of the Two-Legged Buffalo

(About sweeping)….What he was in FACT doing was moving the dirt around with a broom, to give it a change of scenery and a chance to make new friends.

She wore so much thick white makeup in order to conceal her naturally rosy complexion that if she turned around suddenly her face would probably end up on the back of her head.

[how can anyone] be silly enough to think himself better than other people, because his clothes are made of finer woolen thread than theirs. After all, those fine clothes were once worn by a sheep, and they never turned it into anything better than a sheep.

Unfortunately…I missed out on the California Gold Rush a century before…I’ll be dammed if I miss out on this one.

Once she even successfully argued on behalf of my older brother, Dan, getting a BBGun, a weapon which he promptly turned against his younger siblings, outfitting us in helmet and leather jacket and instructing us to run across Eaton Park while he practiced his marksmanship. Today he is a colonel in the army and the...

I’ll tell you more when my skin stops crawling.

Raven: The Honourable Mr Listless is gone. He declared that, what with family quarrels in the morning, and ghosts at night, he could get neither sleep nor peace; and that the agitation was too much for his nerves: though Mr Glowry assured him that the ghost was only poor Crow walking in his sleep, and...

… a metaphor … is like lying but more decorative.

Oh, that’s just Thud! That’s easy!” yapped a voice.Both men turned to look at Horsefry, who had been made perky by sheer relief.”I used to play it when I was a kid,” he burbled. It’s boring. The dwarfs always win!”Gilt and Vetinari shared a look. It said: While I loathe you and every aspect of...

Possession of the box conferred a kind of power on the wielder–which was that anyone, confronted with the hypnotic glass eye, would submissively obey the most peremptory orders about stance and expression.

Where’s the pleasure in bein’ the winner if the loser ain’t alive to know they’ve lost?

That?” I glanced back to the door where JT had disappeared. “That was Genus Homo, species Whowantstofuckus, subspecies Closeted Headup Hisassia. Let us move on to the cages with the interesting animals.”–Jacob “Yasha” Livingston

Y’all reporters like my quotes, don’t you. Yeah, my quotes are Shaqalicious.

No,I just thought I’d shoot bullets out of my nose

Positiveness is not a god gift. Things are negative when you realize that frog inside you is not able to jump high.

Do we have a hand mirror?’ I asked from the kitchen doorway.’Never use one,’ said Lester, examining the date on a carton of sour cream.’Naturally, you’re a male. What you see is what you’ve got,’ I said resentfully.’Huh?’ said Lester.

No, I don’t go to that restaurant anymore. No body goes there. It’s too crowded.

If you were an animal, what would you be?” I wrote, “A bumblebee trying to fuck a marble.

[To my enemy:] Some are great, some are born great, some have greatness thrust upon them! And then there’s you.

We fell to wrestling again. We rolled all over the floor, in each other’s arms, like two huge helpless children. He was naked and goatish under his robe, and I felt suffocated as he rolled over me. I rolled over him. We rolled over me. They rolled over him. We rolled over us.

…clearly, we’re supposed to be together. If this were the internet, seventeen-year-old girls would be writing slash fiction about us as we speak.

Ish #1 “It’s not your mama’s macaroni and cheese if you used spaghetti noodles.

hey man, i am tankianann and i like to research

I was stark raving mad, and my family was too polite to mention it. That’s what living with the Yamanis does to people. They get so well-mannered they won’t mention you’re crazy.

A good friend will bail you out of jail. A true friend will be sitting next to you saying, ‘damn, we fucked up’.

Don’t beat yourself up,” said Charlotte. “True love can be so easily mistaken for other things-friendship, humane concern, indigestion…

In movies, we are accustomed to seeing handsome actors. It’s so commonplace on the screen, large or small, that we barely note it as extraordinary. But in life, rarely do we encounter an onslaught of beauty, entire a hive of handsomeness, find ourselves awash in an ocean of attractiveness, drowning in a miasma of hotness.

Writing a book with completely fictitious characters is like running a democracy, centered around a capital state. You constantly live with the fear & suspicion that one of the characters will start an uncontrollable rebellion.

You want to grab something here, Brycin?” he asked, bending over again. Um . . . yeah. Your ass.

…Anand, look at the back of my hands. No hair. The sign of an advanced race, boy. And look at yours. No hair either. But you never know. With some of your mother’s bad blood flowing in your veins you could wake up one morning and find yourself hairy like a monkey

With a bit of humor, we’re able to convey just how quick the commute to downtown is, and since many of our buyers work inside the Loop and are moving from neighborhoods inside the Loop, it’s important to make that point.

Good humor is one of the best articles of dress one can wear in society.

It’s more like how some people can’t help but bring out the not necessarily righteous parts of your personality. Like how you meet someone and instantly know they’re a full-time professional victim, and no matter how hard you try, something takes over and you can’t help needling them.

Famous people steal my quotes all of the time without knowing; none of it is ever very interesting though.

There is this benefit in brag, that the speaker is unconsciously expressing his own ideal. Humor him by all means; draw it all out, and hold him to it.

With an enemy like that, who needs friends?

Of course I don’t care if you’re bleeding! I’m fucking autistic!

Jim Rosato was recently married, to a Greek nurse. Rosato was half Irish and half Italian, and there was a pool on at the 1st as to which of the two would arrive at work wearing the other’s skin as a hat within the year.

Our guy has a property office, John. And I don’t mean the Property Office here in One PP. I mean the huge fucking storage facility. A guy in there, with access to thousands of fucking handguns. Even the ones that other people would be keeping an eye on, like Son of Sam’s piece, for fuck’s...

You can crab over the morning paper and kick the shins of the guy in the next seat at the movies and feel mean and discouraged and sneer at the politicians but there are a lot of nice people in the world just the same.

Albert Camus did not know he was summing up modern photojournalism when he wrote:”Will I kill myself or have a cup of coffee