I’ve been coerced into free will.

That is fuckin’ awesome. I mean fuckin’ awesome. I fuckin’ mean fucking awesome. You are one Big Swinging Dick, and don’t ever let anybody tell you different.” It brought tears to my eyes to hear...

The boomerang is Australia’s chief export (and then import).

First, let me finish. Then interrupt.

…I gotta burn these scales… sigh*

Spanish was weird that way: two words for monkeys, and esposas meant both wives and handcuffs. That said a lot.

A balanced dieT to make you die with a tea, consists of holding two bags of cookies on each hand and a voracious hunger to consume.

The biggest enemy of truth is known as facts in our society.

Our atheist thoughts go out to his family following their loss.

Monday is Teacher Appreciation Day, and I was thinking of making a nice quiche for Miss Keener.

No one ever thinks about the guy who was raised by the guy who was raised by wolves.

Fact: The plastic knife is perfect for when a person just wants to make some marks on his food and get insanely frustrated at the same time.

Listen carefully, Lucas Steele, because I will only say this once. I am NOT your mate, I will never be your mate, and if you ever put your hands on me again I will cut...

Hotel Conundrum: The continental breakfast. What is it that makes continents so shitty at providing an adequate breakfast?

A lie near to truth is always difficult to catch.

The ark was like a portable computer hard drive and Noah was a one-man Geek Squad, and he dumped God’s most important files onto it before he zorched the virus-ridden computer that was the world.

To enjoy a peaceful & Beautiful Life We should open our ‘EYE’ and Close our ‘I

A wise man is someone who knows how to convert obstacles into resources.

You know, Becky, you haven’t been the same since that crowbar fell on your head.

The problem with the world is that no one knows how to shit anymore!

Knowledge may be power, but half of what I know I wish I could forget.

You may want to reconsider. Cheese sticks will take residency on your ass,” I respond with a sarcastic smile, tilting my head to the side. “You would know,” she snorts. “Actually, I wouldn’t. I don’t...

I stamped, certified, and lipsticked my life in a package sent through Priority Mail directly to the devil herself…and there’s no turning back.

If this was mental illness, or even just a particularly clinical case of adolescence, I was bearing up pretty well.

Art speaks to everyone but some people don’t listen.

Cheap? I could have bought a whole pig with that coin jester. -Exactly my Lord. And while some may eat a mule, no one can ride a pig.

I don’t get why prom is like a mini-wedding these days…No one should spend that kind of money for a high school dance.

Does the work get easier once you know what you are doing?””Your lungs grow thick with stone dust and your eyes bleary from the sun and fragments thrown up by the chisel. You pour your...

When Uncle W. G. held out his hand to take my money, I dropped the dead mouse in his hand.

God.

You taste like summer. Did I ever mention, summer is my favorite season?

Yes. A strange name, but I like it. That’s what you will call me then. Eat’em. Thank you for this.

Her Majesty to the theatre. The performance took place on a stage erected in the courtyard, and Her Majesty closed in one part of her veranda for the use of the guests and Court ladies....

Tanith frowned. Did people still go on DATES any more? She was sure they did. They probably called it something different though. She tried to think of the last date she’d been on. The last...

The first rule of book club – is that nobody wants to talk about book club.

No one plays Bass guitar. everyones like “Oh yeah I play guitar” strum strum

Pardon me Mam,I’m new in town, could you please show me the way to your house?

Free will always results in collateral damage.

Obstinate, headstrong girl!

Tomorrow I’ll be 24 hours longer than I am today. My love for you grows every minute, and pretty soon it will be 120 seconds tall.

I am certain an animal would sooner die of laughter than gunshot wound if I even made the attempt.

Don’t stop writing until someone pries the pen from your cold, dead hands.

What do you call a rifle with three barrels?A trifle.

How passionate have you embrace life?

Aside from that, all I heard was enough repetitions of ‘how many chucks could a woodchuck chuck’ to make me want to stake myself.

Yes, he’s an equal opportunity asshole,” Szilard said. “And he’s aware of it, which he thinks means it’s okay.

Was denkt Er sich, Lausekerl? Will Er mit Seinem Altweibergebiss Soldat werden? Scher Er sich weg da, Er Zahnkrüppel, sonst vergess ich mich!

Wisdom of the Ages: “Forgiveness” Steroids for the Soul.

You should see the murderous stares I get on the street. Though I think that has less to do with seeing a man carrying a purse and more to do with paisley. Paisley makes everyone...

If I had not lived so long I wouldn’t be so old!