A balanced dieT to make you die with a tea, consists of holding two bags of cookies on each hand and a voracious hunger to consume.

I’ve been coerced into free will.

That is fuckin’ awesome. I mean fuckin’ awesome. I fuckin’ mean fucking awesome. You are one Big Swinging Dick, and don’t ever let anybody tell you different.” It brought tears to my eyes to hear...

The boomerang is Australia’s chief export (and then import).

First, let me finish. Then interrupt.

…I gotta burn these scales… sigh*

Spanish was weird that way: two words for monkeys, and esposas meant both wives and handcuffs. That said a lot.

The biggest enemy of truth is known as facts in our society.

Our atheist thoughts go out to his family following their loss.

Monday is Teacher Appreciation Day, and I was thinking of making a nice quiche for Miss Keener.

No one ever thinks about the guy who was raised by the guy who was raised by wolves.

Fact: The plastic knife is perfect for when a person just wants to make some marks on his food and get insanely frustrated at the same time.

Listen carefully, Lucas Steele, because I will only say this once. I am NOT your mate, I will never be your mate, and if you ever put your hands on me again I will cut...

Hotel Conundrum: The continental breakfast. What is it that makes continents so shitty at providing an adequate breakfast?

A lie near to truth is always difficult to catch.

The ark was like a portable computer hard drive and Noah was a one-man Geek Squad, and he dumped God’s most important files onto it before he zorched the virus-ridden computer that was the world.

The only principle of Success in Life :”You must be present to win.

Was it fate? Was it destiny?””I think it was Alan Blunt.

The American dream is actually Cuban.

I don’t know what effect these men will have upon the enemy, but, by God, they frighten me.

The surgeon tells me that you’re a sorcerer,” Pym said. “Is that so?”Jaki looked to the captain with the glare of the masts in his eyes. “Yes.”Pym weighed this disclosure. “You speak with the dead?””Yes.”The...

Can I have my ear back?” He asked irritably.She blinked.”Mother, can you tell this creature here to loosen her hold?

Attacking a provincial lord in his manor house, surrounded by guards…Honestly, Kell, I’d nearly forgotten how foolhardy you can be.”Foolhardy?” Kelsier asked with a laugh. “that wasn’t foolhardy – that was just a small diversion....

I have always been impressed by the fact that there are a surprising number of individuals who never use their minds if they can avoid it, and an equal number who do use their minds,...

I’m a devil at a quick mistake, and when I make one it takes the form of Lead.

I love judging people. It makes all my fears disappear and all the things I don’t like about myself seem so much less important.

I have been told the best things in life are free ~ I found them very expensive.

Despite the fact that he loves books and owns a bookstore, A.J. does not particularly care for writers. He finds them to be unkempt, narcissistic, silly, and generally unpleasant people. He tries to avoid the...

Have a Glass of wine & over time it will be fine.

Holy Crap, Kaitriana you are one wicked Witch.

Why does everything so bad for you always taste so dreamy?

Austin and I proceeded to knock back a couple of Ketel One and grapefruit juices, which happened to be my drink of the moment. Someone told me that grapefruit was a great detoxifier and I...

If there is anything a _ _ _ _ _ hates it’s a drooping mustache

Just tell him to keep his hands to himself and his python in his pants.

Marriage is the equivalent of trying to live with a bug perpetually up your nose.”D’Artagnan Bloodhawke

In short, we derive support for our preferred conclusions by listening to the words that we put in the mouths of people who have already been preselected for their willingness to say what we want...

Do I look like I’m compelled to do anything? Do I seriously look like anyone could compel me to even bring them a coaster?”She looked me over again. “You look like you’re compelled to cause...

In some sort of crude sense, which no vulgarity, no humor, no overstatement can quite extinguish, the physicists have known sin; and this is a knowledge which they cannot lose.

Scott had some sort of power, or force field. In essence, he was like fucking gay guy repellant. Not a single gay guy would come anywhere near me, let alone talk to or hit on...

There’s a place for farts, and there’s a place for sharts.

He thought moving to a small town would allow him to find a way to get along to some extent but people were just plain idiots.

Choose old people for enemies. They die. You win.

Mary Lou et moi, on est amies depuis qu’on est toutes petites. J’étais le boute-en-train de service, et elle, le cancre de la classe. « Cancre » n’est peut-être pas le mot juste. Disons que...

I only have so much willpower, Helen,” he whispered. “And since you apparently sleep in the most ridiculously transparent tank top I’ve ever seen, I’m going to have to ask you to get under the...

Being here? With you? I’ve met my subconscious, and he’s not that sick.

Not that we’re prejudiced,” Theo teased.

Wisdom of the Ages: Another Bush in the White House-Yep they keep forgetting to grab the TV and silverware.

Wisdom of the Ages: “National Symbol” With the preponderance of lawyers, banksters, arms, drug and tobacco dealers in our government, shouldn’t our national symbol be changed from the eagle to the vulture?

Damn.

Am I breaking the law right now?