Baldness is visually enough of a stigma as it is without a big sweaty bloke on stage pointing it out.

I’ve got too much respect for stand-ups to call myself one.

I think I’m realising more and more that I’ve got a job to do and I can’t be doing the big nights out and working to my full potential the next day. I feel much...

It is easy for me to love myself, but for ladies to do it is another question altogether.

I don’t want to demonise ‘Johnny.’ I was really proud of what he achieved. Especially within stand-up. He was quite a unique voice. I will always possibly be trading off ‘Johnny’s name, but there’s a...

It can be tough as a jobbing actor.

My first holiday to San Francisco in 1998-99 was supposed to be a two-week vacation but I ended up staying five weeks and nearly didn’t come home.

Never try to be witty with U.S. airport officials. It’s always lost on them and you’ll find yourself being put back on the plane.

Oh, I’m terrible at travel.

I’m getting positive feedback for my acting so we’ll see if any other interesting parts come up.

Up North you are holding your own. Everyone considers themselves a comedian.

There’s lots of stuff about me being a fan of Cliff but not being gay. Which suggests that he is, but he’s not. Anyway, this is Channel 4, let their lawyers sort it out.

I came from a very loving home, had a happy life with no great aspirations, but going to the seminary changed me. There was a chunk of my childhood missing. Once I’d realised it wasn’t...

I sang ‘American Pie’ a lot in my stage set. It had a knack of uniting an audience in a sing-along. It’s a clever song about American history but wrapped in a fantastic tune.

My agent once said, ‘You’re not very driven.’ And it’s true. I’m not the type to ring up and go, ‘Get me this part!’

I couldn’t be ‘Johnny’ in front of a camera in acting jobs and behind the camera I like to be ‘Michael.’ With directing, you can’t do it by halves. There’s a lot of reflection, and...

Health-wise, I couldn’t have said what my life expectancy would’ve been if I’d just carried on doing solid blocks of stand-up.

I think it sort of dawns on you that if you’re not gigging constantly you’re not actually relevant. You may be relevant to a different part of the media now, to television commissioners and editors,...

There is something more spiritual to us than what we are on this earth, but how you access it I’m not sure.

You can sway an audience if you win the women over. The gentlemen will follow ’cause they can be so foolish like that at times, they are easily led.

I’ve always said that with kids’ TV that people get stuck in it from drama school but that’s not fair because I know myself that when you go in creatively, kids are so much more...

I trained to be a priest – started to. I went to seminary school when I was 11. I wanted to be a priest, but when they told me I could never have sex, not...

They look outside the windows of their apartment in town and realize they’re not living in a terrace anymore. This is a room full of dreamers who like to go to London for a day.

My forte is playing drunks down the ages. When my agent rings me about a role, I don’t ask what the part is, but what century it’s in.

I get obsessed with decorations and decorating the house. I keep it tasteful outside, but when you get inside it is a bit like Blackpool illuminations, I go bonkers!

I am a big fan of smelly cheeses but the rest of the family don’t seem to be particularly keen on them.

I’d never experienced stress before I did stand-up, and it was a massive shock to my system, this thing of waking up, and the nerves of, ‘You’re on stage tonight.’

You can’t be a proper comic unless you’ve been out on stage and felt the fear.

I always say that the stand-up world is the arena of the unwell, and it is.

I want to be buried with Monkey. The thought of anybody else working with him would be too much.

We all have days where we can’t pronounce things or give it the emotion it deserves.

You get people who come to London, sever links with where they come from, and then when they need people, there’s nobody there. To feel like you can’t go back home would be a horribly...

The cheese board is my big treat at Christmas that I have to deny myself during the rest of year.

I’m loath to use my personal life to promote what I do, but at the same time, I don’t like a journalist going away with no more than you could get off Wikipedia, where most...

I avoid any kind of organised trips as that’s one of my bugbears.

In credits, I’m ‘Michael’ sometimes now, but people know you as something, so there’s no point fighting it. ‘Squiggle,’ you’ll always be ‘Prince,’ and ‘The Rock,’ just accept it. I want to move on, but...

I was loved as a kid; I was raised with more love and emotional support than most folks could wish for… my memories aged nought to ten… are all bound up together in a mesh...

I had a massive amount of self-belief when I did stand-up.

I get all kinds of ages, it really does range from silly drunk old men to silly drunk young lads. And the same goes for the females.

When I wasn’t as attractive as I am now, I suffered at the hands of cruel children and their taunts until I realised that confidence and a bit of aesthetic care can overcome that.

I wanted to try and trace the genuine origins of ‘Johnny’ and how he so successfully staged this takeover of ‘Michael Pennington.’ ‘Johnny’ is a contradiction to who I am as a person. I’m not...

The idea of being on TV 24 hours a day and people seeing the real me… No.

I used to be good with kids, but as I get older, I’m grumpy and terrible with them. As for doing a gig at a 6-year old’s birthday party, you couldn’t pay me enough.

I’ve got my finger in a lot of pies.

There have been times I’ve finished a big job and thought, ‘Great, a couple of weeks off.’ But then a couple of weeks turns to three weeks and then after a month you’re staring at...

There’s this idea that it has to be made in London. But we’ve got everything up here, and if you’ve got comics who are gifted because of where they’re from, you shouldn’t drag them away...

I still give myself the right to be highly critical of others, though.

If I see somebody visually challenged, I won’t purposefully focus in on them unless they call me names, and then I’ll call them back.

I hate flying, airports and the whole rigmarole – queuing up, security and lost luggage.

Some comics are in it for what they can get out of it. Others are in it for a love of comedy. I think those that are in it for a genuine love of comedy...