I never ever, ever say anything against my husband to anyone except my husband. Everyone gets in fights, and I think the natural propensity for women is, ‘Oh I want to talk to someone.’ But...

I never sleep on the plane. I have to be awake and using my mind power to keep it in the air

I want to change my life…except I sort of like it. I mean, I couldn’t be more delighted every Monday night after Fletch goes to bed when I come downstairs, pull up the Bachelor on...

I’ve always been able to cook Italian food. That’s in my blood because I’m half Sicilian.

Owning a dog is slightly less expensive than being addicted to crack.

I stuff another handful of Raisinets in my mouth. What gets me is the ‘pretty face’ bit. ‘Cause I won’t mind being reminded I’m fat as long as you water it down first. Why not...

I believe that I have such a vanilla life.

I don’t care how happily married you are or how deeply enmeshed you are with your children and family and career — every woman needs a couple of chicks who’ll break out the sangria just...

I’m such a fangirl when it comes to other writers. I read 250 books a year, and I’m always talking up books by other authors.

Amen,’ I exclaim, accidentally spitting out a Raisinet. I pick up the chocolate with a Kleenex and stuff it in my purse. Ten bucks says a month from now I’ll have forgotten about it and...

No matter how happy anyone is with their choices, I believe it’s human nature to wonder about the path not taken.

When she gets rattled, the South really comes out. Once when Daddy tried to cancel our country club membership because he said the dues were too high, she went from zero to Atlanta burning in...

Everyone who reads me is someone I’d like to hang out with.

Maybe I’ve moved to the dark side, but it’s clean and nice and we never run out of toilet paper.

I’m very detail oriented. I think that’s why people enjoy my memoirs – because I tend to remember everything.

You know what? We need a recession in this country, because that would finaly weed out al the subnormal, underdeveloped, stupefied, puerile people in this workforce.

Expressing political opinion can be a powerful way to establish a character’s voice when writing fiction.

As a reader, I notice political views regardless of whether or not the book is fiction. What annoys me is when said views do nothing to advance the narrative.

I’m a humor writer, so I don’t always present myself in the best light.

In real life, I tend to yell at people a lot. Not because I’m bossy or mean, but because I’m frustrated.

Writing is something that I’ve always loved. That stems from my love of being a reader.

You want to change? Lose the bitch. Be nicer to people. Stop telling them to “bite you” and threatening to kick them until they’re dead.

I think people tend to be very myopic and they don’t understand how their actions impact others.

You can’t all of a sudden go to sleep one night and wake up Martha Stewart. It’s bit by bit by bit.

If you’re anorexic, you’re doing it wrong.”I swat him with a dish towel. “No, no, I mean anorexics look in the mirror, and even if they’re eighty pounds, they still see a fat girl. I’m...