Hello, Bradley,’ said Mom. She’d regained her composure after my outburst, and now raised her camera. ‘Stand close.”No, Mom,’ I said. ‘No pictures.”But you’re friend’s here now,’ she said, waving us together. ‘Smile!”I don’t need...

I knew you were awake. Who else spews such original and captivating swears?

for the rest of the night, that’s mine. Don’t touch it.

I am what prevents the Accelerator from being a bomb.””Except you didn’t,” said Gracious. “Because you weren’t around.””I got bored.””You’re a machine.””Machines can become bored, too.”Gracious looked suddenly concerned. “My toaster is bored?””Perhaps, ” said...

The shapes inched closer. I gaped at them, trying to discern their features. “I think I see dead people,” I whispered.”Yep,” Aidan said, smiling. “More vampire jokes. You’re just fine, then. Once this is over,...

You have what they call the complete package, Adders.-What do you know about my package?-No that package, you idiot! You are the complete package! I wasn’t talking about what’s in your trousers!

It was like bouncing tennis balls off a mystery piece of furniture and deducing, from the direction in which the balls ricocheted, whether it was a chair or a table or a Welsh dresser.

Elizabeth smiled warmly. “For you I will allow it, Mr. Trask. How is your wife, sir? Still putting up with you, or has she finally come to her senses and run away?” Trask laughed, slapping...

Nobody ever goes to that store to shop because it’s too crowded.

Roses are wilting, Violets are dead,The sugar bowl is empty,and so is your head.

Okay, well I think the programme is like being screamed at for an hour by a drunk with a strobe-light, but like I said–

I’m almost finished,” said Wilhelm, wiping out a line with his sleeve and drawing over it.”I never doubted you for a moment,” said Vex, then looked at Aurora and spoke more softly. “I actually doubted...

How much of my fever-induced dream was real? I felt safe assuming that my time as a bee was fiction, as well as a few mythological animals that I swear I’d seen. Then I’d lived...

I am a great warrior.

Lord John: ‘The court has suffered most sorely for your absence. We hardly know where to find our amusement now.’ Lady Nora: ‘I am sorry to hear that, I suppose it takes some wit to...

The alien in my uncle hand obviously taken full control. Soon, it would claw its way out of his stomach and tap dance across my bed

I am alergic to these flowers.-I know.

Everybody! This is my cousin right here, and he just dethroned God’s gift to Women – Griffin

I think I kind of like the idea of you all cold and wet.””Oh right, I’ll be at my best; no visible balls, and a dick that looks like a Chiclet…””I can fix that,” laughed...

Everyone got behind Fox, the name the guys had dubbed the red truck.”Fox?” I asked, raising an eyebrow.”Yeah,” Isaac said with a grin. “Our truck is hot, like Megan Fox.

Besides my great fashion sense? I play a mean harmonica.

The door handle turned. Someone knocked, and a man’s voice called, “Uh, hello?”Valkyrie looked at Skulduggery, looked back at the others, looked at Skulduggery again.”Hello,” Skulduggery said, speaking loudly to be heard over the alarm....

And, really, she did like Chandler, too. She did. What woman wouldn’t? He was handsome and successful, a member of one of Nashville’s oldest and most prominent families. But she’d never felt anything more than...

My greatest privilege is being married to a gentle loving husband. I am very grateful God made our path cross.

Honey, are you being safe?”I wear my seat belt, yes.”Does this Rob Lovely wear a seat belt too?’Matty sighed. ‘Mother, seat belts should be worn at all times when in a moving vehicle. Didn’t you...

He was still thoughtful. ‘Do you think any of us ever really knows anyone?’ ‘Philosophy, Lord Dryden? And yet it’s daylight and everyone is still sober.

When she and Wren divided up their clothes, Wren had taken anything that said “party at a boy’s place” or “leaving the house.” Cath had taken everything that said “up all night writing” or “it’s...

Laboratory scientists use formaldehyde as a disinfectant or preservative. They don’t fucking drink it.

If anybody is a master at improvisation, it would be Ken Jeong. He is hilarious.

Oh- and grab the plastic bag over by my suitcase.”I slug down the last of the coffee and get up. The bag contains panty hose. I put them on her desk.”They’re for you.””You want me...

What are you doing?””I’m, uh, acting normal.””No you’re not. You’re acting like someone pretending to be normal. Stop pretending and start acting, but don’t act like you’re not pretending, that’ll make it worse.

tiny doesn’t just sing these words – he belts them. it’s like a parade coing out of his mouth. i have no doubt the words travel over lake michigan to most of canada and on...

Things that remind me of our parents,” Poppy said absently, “and that lovely cottage in Primrose Place… they always make me feel better. Like eating these tarts. And flower-print curtains. And reading Aesop’s fables.” “The...

It was a nasty look. It made me feel as if I were something the dog had brought in and intended to bury later on, when he had time.

I am happy to pay you,” she announced. “For your services.”A harsh, strangled sound cut through the room. It came from him. “Pay me.”She nodded. “Would say, twenty-five pounds do?””No.”Her brows knit together. “Of course,...

All You Need Is Love” in homage to their memory.

Okay,” she said as he lit the candle and hummed the birthday song. “You know,this is all very Jake Ryan of you.””Who’s Jake Ryan?””The hottie from Sixteen Candles—the best teenage movie ever made. The last...

You know what? You know what? You know what?’ I was waving my finger under her nose. ‘You scratched the Son of God. That’s your ass, that’s what.

I have always loved camping, ever since I was eight, and was forcibly stuffed in a trunk and dropped off in the middle of the forest. My dad was a complex man, but I believe...

Speaking of shabby looks, we’re going to have to give you a haircut soon….WHAT?These feathers are getting messy.LET ME UNDERSTAND THIS CORRECTLY. YOU WISH TO CUT MY MANE?Thunder tigers grow manes?OF COURSE! HOW ELSE WOULD...

And then a man stood next to the shelf and said, “Come and look at this, Barry. They’ve got, like, a train elf.”And another man came and stood net to him and said, “Well, we...

I only ride his cock now.

John shrugged. “It always seemed silly to me to desire a woman who cannot converse any better than a sheep.”Belle leaned forward, her eyes glittering mischievously. “Really? I would have thought you’d prefer such a...

It was all fun and games until someone else’s dick was in your girlfriend’s TMJ mouth

He openned the door that he assumed was the garage only to find himself in the pantry.crap.”Um . . . grabbing some Pop-Tarts for the road,” Nick said, covering his mistake. Still, they both stared...

So…Now that we got that over with, let’s get back to love at first sight, Evan said. Not infatuation at first sight…Love. With a capital L, he clarified.Love? Heeb asked, playfully pretending not to know...

I don’t know what to do about him, Sammy.” (Jackie)”It’s not what you do about him. It’s what you do with him. Grab him by those big, manly arms that I’m assuming he has, and...

The Copyright page for Dirty Little FreaksCopyright © 2014 by Jaden Wilkes. All rights reserved. This book or any portion thereof may not be reproduced or used in any manner whatsoever without the express written...

You promise?””I cross the place where my heart used to be and wish to be even more deader than I am now.

I was just saying your name.