I knew you were awake. Who else spews such original and captivating swears?

Hello, Bradley,’ said Mom. She’d regained her composure after my outburst, and now raised her camera. ‘Stand close.”No, Mom,’ I said. ‘No pictures.”But you’re friend’s here now,’ she said, waving us together. ‘Smile!”I don’t need...

You know what? You know what? You know what?’ I was waving my finger under her nose. ‘You scratched the Son of God. That’s your ass, that’s what.

I have always loved camping, ever since I was eight, and was forcibly stuffed in a trunk and dropped off in the middle of the forest. My dad was a complex man, but I believe...

Speaking of shabby looks, we’re going to have to give you a haircut soon….WHAT?These feathers are getting messy.LET ME UNDERSTAND THIS CORRECTLY. YOU WISH TO CUT MY MANE?Thunder tigers grow manes?OF COURSE! HOW ELSE WOULD...

And then a man stood next to the shelf and said, “Come and look at this, Barry. They’ve got, like, a train elf.”And another man came and stood net to him and said, “Well, we...

I only ride his cock now.

John shrugged. “It always seemed silly to me to desire a woman who cannot converse any better than a sheep.”Belle leaned forward, her eyes glittering mischievously. “Really? I would have thought you’d prefer such a...

It was all fun and games until someone else’s dick was in your girlfriend’s TMJ mouth

He openned the door that he assumed was the garage only to find himself in the pantry.crap.”Um . . . grabbing some Pop-Tarts for the road,” Nick said, covering his mistake. Still, they both stared...

So…Now that we got that over with, let’s get back to love at first sight, Evan said. Not infatuation at first sight…Love. With a capital L, he clarified.Love? Heeb asked, playfully pretending not to know...

I don’t know what to do about him, Sammy.” (Jackie)”It’s not what you do about him. It’s what you do with him. Grab him by those big, manly arms that I’m assuming he has, and...

The Copyright page for Dirty Little FreaksCopyright © 2014 by Jaden Wilkes. All rights reserved. This book or any portion thereof may not be reproduced or used in any manner whatsoever without the express written...

You promise?””I cross the place where my heart used to be and wish to be even more deader than I am now.

I was just saying your name.

We are amazing individuals.

(Matty) ‘I’m going to a corn maze.'(Elliot) ‘Oh, bitch. You’ve lost your ever-loving mind.

I don’t know,’ he said irritably. ‘Is it meant to improve you?’She swiveled toward him, eyes wide with shock.’Because nothing could,’ he added. Her mouth dropped in astonishment. Blotchy scarlet rushed her complexion. One would...

It made her want to have his babies and give him both her kidneys.

I’d say that I stand corrected, but I do not. There is a marquis on the premises. If you’d like to dance with him, I’ll see if a servant can fetch him from the nursery.

Its Vermeer”Kat turned to the boy who lingered in the doorway. “It’s stolen””What can I say?” Hale eased behind her and studied the painting over her shoulder. “I met a very nice man who bet...

F*** you.” Then I’ll go back to that person and pin the flower on their lapel in a gesture of friendship. And while they are looking down on it in astonishment, I’ll bunch up my...

I’ve always been a monster,’ Scapegrace told her, ‘but now, finally, my physical for reflects my inner darkness.”You smell terrible.”That’s the smell of evil.”It’s like rancid meat and bad eggs.”Evil,” Scapegrace insisted.

He ignored me, thank God, saying to Kat, “Let go of Frosty’s leash. You’re choking the life out of him.” Kat’s eyes narrowed to tiny slits, a sure sign of her aggression. “He deserves to...

Thankyou,”Catherine said, the smile still hovering on her lips. “That is kind of you my lord. But i will never dance with you.” Which, ofcourse, made it the goal of leo’s life.

And so the merry party began. It was one of those jolly, happy, bread-crumbling parties where you cough twice before you speak, and then decide not to say it after all.

Wise Child: Why don’t you beat me then?Juniper: I can’t be bothered.

How could I not fall in love with him,” she asked. And on the tail end of her words, her bedroom door flew open and closed just as fast.Jen bent over, panting heavily as she...

Who grins in official circumstances?

Has that obscenely rich fucker upset you again?

His name was Tom Tombstone, and if he had a middle name it was probably Death. But I didn’t call him Tom, or even Mr. Tombstone, because he introduced himself as Robert Winston. And I...

Bombs Away!” he yelled, swooping low over StregaSchloss. He saw little figures on the ground fleeing from the large green projectile that was speeding their way. “And a direct hit, if I’m not mistaken,” he...

A strong woman knows who she is and the path she wish to travel on.

Sorry, the burritos we had for lunch are kinda comin’ back on me.

He closed his eyes. The insides of his eyelids were a brownish black, not at all the same as the thick purple of the night. Darkness had so many colors. It was strange, that, and...

Roz to Amelia (the house ghost): How considerate of you, after trying to kill me, to see that I don’t catch a cold.

You’re doing it wrong.””Son, I’ve got a gun to your chest and you’re telling me that I’m doing it wrong?””Yes””How?””Closer isn’t better.” He disarmed her with a swift motion, then offered the weapon back to...

Mr. Benedict: ‘After I woke up and composed myself, however, I realized the flowers must certainly be yours, Constance, to do with as you please. At any rate — ‘ Mr.Benedict broke off, for just...

I would but I’m scared the roof might fly off.”Nat and I burst into laughter. We laugh so much we both sob and laugh at the same time.

If the shoe fits, buy another one just like it.

Please don’t arrest me.””Listen to me, I’m not going to arrest you, ok? I’m not a cop.””Are you sure?””Am I sure I’m not a cop? yes, I’m sure.””You could be undercover.

He forced himself forward trying to seem innocent without acting like someone who was guilty who was trying to act innocent.

And then, on the final day, it was time for the faux Underground Railroad. This is the part that no one believes. “No adult would ever do that,” they say. “You can’t be remembering that...

With a nod, Thorne started down the street. ‘This way.’ Five steps later, he paused, pondered, turned around. ‘No, no, this way.’ ‘We’re dead.’ ‘No, I’ve got it now. It’s this way.’ ‘Don’t you have...

Jules could have sworn there was a devilish glint in the shopkeepers eye. ‘I find today I am in need of a bonnet.’Mr. Postlethwaite was silent. And then his eyes crept toward the marquess’s hairline.’It...

I dare you to call Ask-A-Nurse and tell them you feel a presence in your womb region.

That’s quite enough, Katie love. Why don’t you go paint some flowers or something. I need to have a word alone with Juliet.

I sprung you because I’ve got a message for you””doesn’t your family own a cell phone company?””only a little one

How are we going to get out of here?””Oh, escape is easy once you have the right plan.””Do we have the right plan?””Not yet.””Do we have any plan?””Not yet.

Which college?”Hmm?”Which college do you go to?’Fletcher nodded. ‘Yes.”I’m sorry?”Oh,’ Fletcher said, and laughed.Valkyrie’s parents looked at Fletcher in near bewilderment. Fletcher looked back at them in total bewilderment. Valkyrie shook her head.