Chuck Norris is the only human being to display the Heisenberg uncertainty principle — you can never know both exactly where and how quickly he will roundhouse kick you in the face.

Chuck Norris can divide by zero.

Men are like steel. When they lose their temper, they lose their worth.

When Chuck Norris calls 911 it’s to ask if everything is ok.

The waves were choppy, like Chuck Norris’ karate hands. The ocean would have been still, if I weren’t making love in it.

Chuck Norris will never have a heart attack. His heart isn’t nearly foolish enough to attack him.

I had a few good professors in my painting and drawing classes, but all my graphic design classes tried to teach us how to use Photoshop and Illistrator by showing the class demonstration video clips....

Chuck Norris can unscramble an egg.

No, I’m digging a grave for you.” It was at this point that I unsheathed Chuck Norris’ right arm and sliced you with a karate chop.

Chuck Norris CAN understand women.

I had a dream about you. The sky looked threatening, and hail the size, shape, and color of boxing gloves started pounding us in the face. Luckily my mustache looked like Chuck Norris, and you...

I had a dream I took the form of Chuck Norris and kicked your ass. Then I impregnated you from across the room.

Just deleting vandalism on the Chuck Norris page,” Radar said. “For instance, while I do think that Chuck Norris specializes in the roundhouse kick, I don’t think it’s accurate to say, ‘Chuck Norris’s tears can...

Superman once challenged Chuck Norris to a fight, the loser had to wear his underwear on the outside.

For some, the left testicle is larger than the right one. For Chuck Norris, each testicle is larger than the other one.