I’ve been fighting to be who I am all my life. What’s the point of being who I am, if I can’t have the person who was worth all the fighting for?

We do not have to visit a madhouse to find disordered minds; our planet is the mental institution of the universe.

On the night of the murder I was at home, asleep. The characters in my dream can vouch for me.

Europe to me is young people trying to appear middle-aged and middle-aged people trying to appear young.

Daemon pressed his forehead against mine. “Oh, I still want to strangle you. But I’m insane. You’re crazy. Maybe that’s why. We just make crazy together.

I have a 12:34 representational time dance. I do it at 3:33 every other Tuesday (twice a day). If you’d like to participate in my choreographed dance routine, bring a football helmet and a half...

*Appendix usually means “small outgrowth from large intestine,” but in this case it means “additional information accompanying main text.” Or are those really the same things? Think carefully before you insult this book.

Don’t let aging get you down. It’s too hard to get back up.

The Church being what she is cannot have the instincts of a gentleman.

I’d rather have less time than I think, than less think than I have time.

If you’re too open-minded; your brains will fall out.

Eddie Money and Johnny Cash should have collaborated. I’d have paid good last name to see them in concert.

It’s mental when things are going well. It’s funny how things happen. When things aren’t going well, you can’t kick one in.

As we drove uptown, I spotted a Kmart on a corner,with its familiar red sign.I cleared my throat.”Wait. Can we stop for a minute?””What for?””Just – I need a few things.”He looked irritated, but pulled...

I got a new car. I just need to put it together. They’re easier to steal piece by piece.

The best cure for a stick up your butt is a dog to play fetch with.

I gotta go. The gingerbread men are on

It doesn’t matter if I don’t have a suit, you should still invite me swimming. That’s the naked truth.

All You Need Is Love” in homage to their memory.

Jackass, jackass on the wall, where’s the info on Hex Hall?

Yesterday I saved a baby, a boy, a man, and an old man from death, and all by simply not impregnating anybody. But I don’t consider myself a hero. Merely heroic, and also unable to...

Can you surf really well, then?”I looked at Grover, who was trying hard not to laugh.”Jeez, Nico,” I said. “I’ve never really tried.”He went on asking questions. Did I fight a lot with Thalia, since...

My husband and I are either going to buy a dog or have a child. We can’t decide whether to ruin our carpet or ruin our lives.

I think the special thing about Python is that it’s a writers’ commune. The writers are in charge. The writers decide what the material is.

What’s the best part of being in Hermes cabin?Connor: You are never lonely. I mean seriously, new kids are always coming in. So you always have someone to talk to.Travis: Or prank.Connor: Or pickpocket. One...

I just wrote a book. But don’t go and buy it yet, because I don’t think it’s finished.

I want to go to sleep in my time machine and wake up eight hours in the future.

I believe great things are ahead for each of us. Now we just have to go ahead and create them.

Oh, I am. You haven’t experienced fun until you try to fuck in the front seat of a Civic.

They say you fear what you don’t understand. Maybe that’s why every time I’m in South Florida, and I hear someone talking in Spanish, I always shit my pants.

If something stinks, I say it stinks. But I try to massage it a little and not be as cutting, come behind it with a joke: Hey, I cut you deep, but now let me...

That boy may have been born on third base but he sure as shit ain’t scored a triple.

I want to be a creature that’s half bee, half the letter B. That way I can pollinate the world with my literacy.

Huge Jackman has divorced his wife and happened upon my picture in some old article and decided that I’m the woman for him?~ Susan

Stop begging the question – get a job and earn the question like everyone else.

What did I know of love then? What do I know of love now? I went from mustard to ketchup, but I’m still leading with my hotdog.

In theory, especially in the case of Stone, those who have human hearts would remain cognizant of their behavior and in control of themselves. Those who are Katagaria . . .

I’m willing to forgive and forget, but damned if I’ll be forgiven and forgotten.

You’re disoriented. You just woke up. You’re in the future. You’ve been asleep for eight hours.

So, you invite a wild rabbit living in Italy to a party on the island of Crete. What’s it supposed to do, swim there? Its little tux would get wet.

Not knowing is more than half the battle. – National Clandestine Service motto

There’s urine on the couch, and the remote control is in the shower.” I would write it myself, but I’ve never been very good at writing love ballads.

A teacher had once told them that men were either beasts, gentlemen, or beasts masquerading as gentlemen. Might there be a fourth category — gentlemen masquerading as beasts?

Either every robot can dance the robot, or no robot can.

I am my own love story. And I want to tell my love story, from the inside. Just add water and stir.

I hardly think there’s any chance of that,” Amelie said. “I doubt you have the capacity.

Anybody I can hold a candle to, I drip hot wax on.

I told her I’d rather talk about her, instead of listening to her drone on about the weather. Little did I know she was an aspiring meteorologist.

Yes,” he said. “I am sure. I double-checked everything after you went home yesterday. I even made a few improvements, just in case.” The first part of that reassured her. The second part… not so...

Live fast, die young – which is it going to be???