Other people say: hold on, if he’s carrying the entire universe in a sack, right, that means he’s carrying himself and the sack inside the sack, because the universe contains everything. Including him. And the...

May the fleas of a thousand camels invade the crotch of the person that ruins your day. And may their arms be to short too scratch

Issib wasn’t thrilled to see him. I’m busy and don’t need interruptions.” “This is the household library,” said Nafai. “This is where we always come to do research.” “See? You’re interrupting already.” “Look, I didn’t...

But we’re a university! We have to have a library!” said Ridcully. “It adds tone. What sort of people would we be if we didn’t go into the library?””Students,” said Senior Wrangler morosely.

I’m sorry if me being turned on turns you on.

The Devil answer’d: bray a fool in a morter with wheat, yet shall not his folly be beaten out of him; if Jesus Christ is the greatest man, you ought to love him in the...

Life’s more amusing than we thought.

What a cool name. Where’d you get it?””I’ve always had it.

I cried because I was so beautiful.

There was a spring in his carefully measured step. He opened the door and let the sunlight in, as if opening himself up, letting pent-up energy out and, letting the world enter inside- letting the...

When a new baby is expected mother has 9 months to prepare the family and the kitchen for her departure!

And then came the three-toed sloth. Stupid sloth. It was a crazy-looking beastie, all arms and bristling grey fur; its body was a blob, the kind of shape a six-year-old would draw for a pig,...

Sincerity and gravity, in Magnus’s opinion, were highly overrated, as was being forced to relive unpleasant memories. He would much rather be amused and amusing.

Assuming mother’s absence is only for a short time, don’t be too concerned if you find yourself being more relaxed than she is over what the children eat. It is far better to maintain harmony...

I want an answer about my request to transfer. Even now, my balls are shrinking in anticipation of going back out in the cold. I said I’d give my life protecting humanity, but my balls...

To prove to an indignant questioner on the spur of the moment that the work I do was useful seemed a thankless task and I gave it up. I turned to him with a smile...

Wil ate without enthusiasm. His bacon tasted like nothing. Like a dead animal, fried. His eggs, aborted chickens.

What the hell?” Ian asked, holding his hands over the front of his Christmas briefs. Sara had ordered them from the Internet, and he’d worn them to please her. Too bad there hadn’t been enough...

The little waiter’s eyebrows wandered about his forehead in confusion.

I’m familiar with the myth, I’m merely surprised that a femalewould be familiar with the classics.””You must have a very limited experience with my sex,” Alexandrasaid, surprised. “My grandfather said most women are every bit...

If I were a pervert, I’d be looking for something a damn bit more attractive than you, jackass. And definitely someone that smelled alive.

His fingers lightly grazed my cheek. “I didn’t know you before. When you’re not there, I can’t concentrate. I’m wondering where you are, what you’re doing…if you’re there and I can see you, I can...

Short men are happy, for they can pass easily through the door. Tall men are happy, for they can stand erect and pluck oranges with their hands. Again, short men are angry, for they cannot...

Careful with the accusations of insanity, oh my lady whose home is a tower with windows of brick, all for the sake of some skinny-ankled, laugh-prone boy of a khan.

He sat staring before him, seeing nothing but a long line of Mortimers, inexhaustable and prolific to the end of time.

The choices that women make sometimes seems provoking and at the same time amusing. I once met a lady who said she liked my amusing facial expression.

You didn’t kill him. He would have killed you, but you didn’t kill him.””So? He was stupid. If I killed everyone who was stupid, I wouldn’t have time to sleep.

These days, all I ask of Fate is that the people she hurls into my life, whether they are evil or good, or morally bipolar, should be amusing to one degree or another. This is...

Love Rocks The De La Cruz’s World

Go, prick thy face and over-red thy fear,Thou lily-livered boy.

A grandmother pretends she doesn’t know who you are on Halloween.

April 43rd 2000Today is the day of great triumph. There is a king of Spain. He has been found at last. That king is me. I only discovered this today. Frankly, it all came to...