And when you are criticized, as you will be, remind your critics that you have the right to speak your mind. And if they shout you down, as they probably will, then inform them that...

I found this, though,” Gazzy said excitedly, holding up a small green box. “Gas-X! Like, ‘X’ for explosion! This is great! I’m thinking I rig this with a detonator and-“”Did you find that in the...

I don’t break wind—I repair it. I am the anti politician, because when one speaks, he farts through his mouth, and the people always suffer.

A fart in the face is love.

If I could make money making armpit farts, I would. But since I can’t, I teach. And write.

You’re funny.’ Phoebe passed me the last chocolate cupcake. ‘And I always thought your friends were laughing over their own farts.”Ninety percent of Eastwood’s male population laughs over their own farts. Present company excluded, naturally.

Are you still doing that crap?” I ask.”You can’t even do it properly,” Eileen says.”Just a matter of practice,” Simone says.”Wow! Practicing how to poison yourself and make your breath reek like the fart of...