My idea of exercise is a good brisk sit.

A smile is a curve that sets everything straight.

Maybe it’s true that life begins at fifty. But everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out.

Housework won’t kill you, but then again, why take the chance?

Money’s scarceTimes are hardHere’s your fuckingXmas card

Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight.

Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing is like shoveling the sidewalk before it stops snowing.

It would seem that something which means poverty, disorder, and violence every single day should be avoided entirely, but the desire to beget children is a natural urge.

We spend the first 12 months of our children’s lives teaching them to walk and talk and the next 12 months teaching them to sit down and shut up.

I want my children to have all the things I couldn’t afford. Then I want to move in with them.

Always be nice to your children because they are the ones who will choose your rest home.

Most children threaten at times to run away from home. This is the only thing that keeps some parents going.

My recipe for dealing with anger and frustration: set the kitchen timer for twenty minutes, cry, rant, and rave, and at the sound of the bell, simmer down and go about business as usual.