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Mark Twain  Quotes
I am only human, although I regret it.

—Mark Twain

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Human-Nature
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I’ve never wished a man dead, but I have read some obituaries with great pleasure.

—Mark Twain

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DeathHumor
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April 1. This is the day upon which we are reminded of what we are on the other three hundred and sixty-four.

—Mark Twain

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Humor
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The two most important days in your life are the day you are born and the day you find out why.

—Mark Twain

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BirthBornDay
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Yes – en I’s rich now, come to look at it. I owns myself, en I’s wuth eight hund’d dollars. I wisht I had de money, I wouldn’ want no mo’.

—Mark Twain

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JimWisdom
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Education: the path from cocky ignorance to miserable uncertainty.

—Mark Twain

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Education
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Two things which are the peculiar domain of the heart, not the mind—politics and religion. He doesn’t want to know the other side. He wants arguments and statistics for his own side, and nothing more.

—Mark Twain

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PoliticsReligion
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Well, there are times when one would like to hang the whole human race and finish the farce.

—Mark Twain

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Death-Of-The-Human-RaceFarceHuman-Race
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A God who could make good children as easily a bad, yet preferred to make bad ones; who could have made every one of them happy, yet never made a single happy one; who made...

—Mark Twain

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AgnosticAngelsAtheist
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I set down in a chair by the window and tried to think of something cheerful, but it warn’t no use. I felt so lonesome I most wished I was dead.

—Mark Twain

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DeathHuckSad
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The joy of killing! the joy of seeing killing done – these are traits of the human race at large.

—Mark Twain

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Human-NatureKilling
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Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don’t mind, it doesn’t matter.

—Mark Twain

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Age
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A public library is the most enduring of memorials, the trustiest monument for the preservation of an event or a name or an affection; for it, and it only, is respected by wars and revolutions,...

—Mark Twain

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LibrariesPermanencePreservation
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It may have happened, it may not have happened but it could have happened.

—Mark Twain

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PlausibilityPossibility
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Man is the only animal that loves his neighbor as himself and cuts his throat if his theology isn’t straight

—Mark Twain

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Bless-ThisReligionSatire
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It is noble to teach oneself, but still nobler to teach others–and less trouble.

—Mark Twain

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EducationTeachers
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A successful book is not made of what is in it, but what is left out of it.

—Mark Twain

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BooksHumorOn-Writing
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Nothing exists but you. And you are but a thought.

—Mark Twain

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AtheismInspirational
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By trying we can easily learn to endure adversity – another man’s, I mean.

—Mark Twain

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Funny
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It was pitiful for a person born in a wholesome free atmosphere to listen to their humble and hearty outpourings of loyalty toward their king and Church and nobility; as if they had any more...

—Mark Twain

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AristocracyGovernmentMonarchy
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Like it! Yes—the way I’d like a hot stove if I was to set on it long enough. No, Tom, I won’t be rich, and I won’t live in them cussed smothery houses. I like...

—Mark Twain

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FreedomHuckleberry-FinnPerspective
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Courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear – not absence of fear.

—Mark Twain

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Courage
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I know the look of an apple that is roasting and sizzling on the hearth on a winter’s evening, and I know the comfort that comes of eating it hot, along with some sugar and...

—Mark Twain

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Food
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There’s one way to find out if a man is honest: ask him; if he says yes, you know he’s crooked.

—Mark Twain

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Honesty
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There is a charm about the forbidden that makes it unspeakably desirable.

—Mark Twain

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SinTemptation
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Thousands of geniuses live and die undiscovered — either by themselves or by others. But for the Civil War, Lincoln and Grant and Sherman and Sheridan would not have been discovered, nor have risen into...

—Mark Twain

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Civil-WarGeniusGreatness
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Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.

—Mark Twain

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Clothing
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Censorship is telling a man he can’t have a steak just because a baby can’t chew it.

—Mark Twain

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Censorship
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I have had an aversion to good spelling for sixty years and more, merely for the reason that when I was a boy there was not a thing I could do creditably except spell according...

—Mark Twain

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AcquirementSpellingTalent
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Substitute ‘damn’ every time you’re inclined to write ‘very;’ your editor will delete it and the writing will be just as it should be.

—Mark Twain

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HumorWriting
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No man’s life, liberty, or property are safe while the legislature is in session.

—Mark Twain

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GovernmentHumorPolitics
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Life would be infinitely happier if we could only be born at the age of eighty and gradually approach eighteen.

—Mark Twain

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Truth
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A man who is not born with the novel-writing gift has a troublesome time of it when he tries to build a novel. I know this from experience. He has no clear idea of his...

—Mark Twain

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Writing
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O Lord our Father, our young patriots, idols of our hearts, go forth to battle — be Thou near them! With them — in spirit — we also go forth from the sweet peace of...

—Mark Twain

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War
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Nature has no originality–I mean, no large ability in the matter of inventing new things, new ideas, new stage effects. She has a superb and amazing and infinitely varied equipment of old ones, but she...

—Mark Twain

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HumorNatureScience
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Find a job you enjoy doing, and you will never have to work a day in your life.

—Mark Twain

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JobLifeWork
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I never felt so fervently thankful, so soothed, so tranquil, so filled with a blessed peace, as I did yesterday when I learned that Michael Angelo was dead.

—Mark Twain

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HumorTravel
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It ain’t the parts of the Bible that I can’t understand that bother me, it’s the parts that I do understand.

—Mark Twain

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Bible
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It made one mad, for pleasure; and we could not take our eyes from him, and the looks that went out of our eyes came from our hearts, and their dumb speech was worship.

—Mark Twain

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Kindlehighlight
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The man who is a pessimist before 48 knows too much; if he is an optimist after it he knows too little.

—Mark Twain

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OptimismPessimism
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Our opinions do not really blossom into fruition until we have expressed them to someone else.

—Mark Twain

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Opinions
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Well, everybody does it that way, Huck.””Tom, I am not everybody.

—Mark Twain

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InspiringTrue
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There are two kinds of patriotism — monarchical patriotism and republican patriotism. In the one case the government and the king may rightfully furnish you their notions of patriotism; in the other, neither the government...

—Mark Twain

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Patriotism
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I didn’t have time to write a short letter, so I wrote a long one instead.

—Mark Twain

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Humor
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Obscurity and a competence—that is the life that is best worth living.

—Mark Twain

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HappinessInspirationLife
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I’ll not go where there is any of that sort of thing going on, again. It’s the sure way, and the only sure way;

—Mark Twain

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Wisdom
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Education consists mainly of what we have unlearned.

—Mark Twain

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Education
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Classic’ – a book which people praise and don’t read.

—Mark Twain

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BooksClassicReading
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Travel is fatal to narrowmindedness, prejudice and bigotry.

—Mark Twain

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CultureHumanityTravel
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Dates are hard to remember because they consist of figures; figures are monotonously unstriking in appearance, and they don’t take hold, they form no pictures, and so they give the eye no chance to help....

—Mark Twain

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Memory
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