The word ‘weird’ is never spoken or thought of by the Fey, as to them there is nothing very strange when you take it as it is.

I’m a lion in a strange land.

Ph’nglui mglw’nafh Cthulhu R’lyeh wgah’nagl fhtagn.In his house at R’lyeh dead Cthulhu waits dreaming.

Here march the eaters of earth, the swallowers of rain.

You say freak, I say unique.

Expired condoms are like nuclear waste: there’s nothing sensible you can do with it.

A blanket could be used to spot the blind. I’d spot Helen Keller nine points in a ten-point basketball game.

A blanket could be used for anti-population-control purposes. Get naked and get under the blanket and I’ll show you how it works.

A blanket could be used to tell you exactly what I mean, at precisely the moment I don’t mean it. When I say go, Don’t!

A brick could be used to crush the Fruit of Desire and make the Juice of Destiny. Drink it before I lose my erection.

A brick could be used to manipulate people into doing what you want. If anything could offer one man an unfair advantage over another, it’s a brick—especially if that brick is made of gold.

Why did the brick and blanket cross the road? Because some maniac had just run over the chicken. That maniac was me, and that chicken was delicious.

A blanket could be used to smother a fire—but not the fire that burns in my heart for you. Or perhaps that’s merely heartburn, and you’re just as common as a brick.

A blanket can be rolled up, much like I roll up my emotions when I listen to political rhetoric.

A brick could be used to tell time. And just between you and me, I hope that brick tells time to go to hell.

A brick could be used to raise your status as an upstanding citizen. Don’t get too excited, though. It’ll only raise you up about three inches.

A brick could be thrown, like a football, only instead of a wide receiver, I’d recommend sending out a politician to catch your pass.

A blanket could be used like a Love Fleece. I imagine you’re shaking your head. Do you disagree? Fine, then when you’re shivering, I won’t ask if it’s because you’re cold—or because you’re lonely.

A brick could be broken—shattered—and then given as a gift, a jigsaw puzzle.

Love knows no boundaries. I wish I would have known that before I hired a cartographer to map out my romantic territory.

I’d rather have nobody to say anything to, than have nothing to say to anybody.

A brick could be used to build a color theory that red objects encapsulate rage. Don’t believe me? Think of all the red objects that inspire hate: stop lights, Nazi swastikas, and tomato juice.

A brick could be used to remind me of her. I mean everything else reminds me of her, so why not a brick too?

A blanket might make the ideal politician, because they’re warm, comforting, soft, and easily corruptible.

I’m kind of weird – I don’t get excited. Sometimes I fake that I’m excited just to make people happy.

A brick could be used to help defeat all incumbent politicians whose last name starts with Brj and anything after that alphabetically. Since people tend to vote for the first one on the ballot, Brick...

A blanket could be used to sail with the wind. That wind is provided by my ceiling fan, and my boat is my bed. Why don’t you come over, and I’ll teach you the art...

Inspecting? What do you mean? I don’t understand. I’m collecting insects. My specialty is sand and insects.What?Collecting insects. Insects. Insects.I catch them like this!Insects?

Wikipedia is kind of weird. I feel it’s lame to put up my own page, but I desperately want someone else to do it.

He liked being near that, that kind of brave and crazy.

I’m obsessed with shopping. I’ll get these urges to buy, like to shop for stuff on the Internet. I search for all kinds of weird gizmos I could get.

The deep woods can be very dangerous. Dangerous, dangerous, dangerous and weird. And weird weird.

A blanket could be used to quell the rebellion. Wait until all the men are asleep before you kill them, rape them, and declare victory. Actually, it would be better to rape the men before...

A blanket could help me tell you I love you. Well, it could if I did, but I don’t, so I’ll just use the blanket to go to sleep on our relationship.

A blanket could be used to stop abuse. Don’t cover up the atrocity—cover up your head, because what you don’t see, may as well not exist.

A brick could be used to silence your critics. Think of it like a really thick and unchewy piece of chewing gum.

A brick could be used as a penis enlargement aid. Just tie a string around both your penis and a brick, and drop the brick off the roof of a building. I’m not stretching the...

A blanket could be shared with someone cold. And if you’re sharing your blanket, they might as well share the blame in getting pregnant. It’s not like they can blame me, because I was in...

A brick could be used like love. But not my love, because my love is more like a blanket.

A blanket could be used to show love, by providing warmth, comfort, and an itchiness of desire that cannot be satisfied by a single scratch.

To fly is to swim in the air, and a brick could be used as an as example to highlight man’s failure to fishbird.

A brick could be used as a Disappointment Cube. Here, I’m giving mine to you, because you really bummed me out, man.

A brick could be used in the same manner as a magician’s hat could be used as a basketball. I’m not suggesting a brick replace a basketball, because that’d be silly. But not as silly...

My name is Mr. Brickton, and this brick, it weighs a ton.

A brick could be used like ice cream. But hold up, hold up. Let me put a bowl under it before you start licking, or else you’ll drip brick all over my blanket.

My love is like the shape your mouth makes while you whistle. Would you mind if I accompanied you on my harmonica?

A blanket could be used as a duvet, in the fight against elitism.

A brick could be a politician, if you attached strings, taught it to dance, and allowed it to read a teleprompter. Remember: whether it’s Republican or Democrat, it’s still a brick, and it will do...

A blanket could be used to cover up your infidelity. Either use the blanket to hide your cheating ways, or figure out how to fornicate with all your clothes on.

A brick could be shoved in your buttocks. You know, for your enjoyment.