The word ‘weird’ is never spoken or thought of by the Fey, as to them there is nothing very strange when you take it as it is.

I’m a lion in a strange land.

Ph’nglui mglw’nafh Cthulhu R’lyeh wgah’nagl fhtagn.In his house at R’lyeh dead Cthulhu waits dreaming.

Here march the eaters of earth, the swallowers of rain.

You say freak, I say unique.

You’re so weird, Claire,” Wyatt says, shaking his head. She nudges him and smiles. “If by ‘weird’ you mean ‘awesome,’ then I agree.

A brick could be used like a duck could be used like a cat. My duck soup is meowing to be manhandled by a construction worker.

A brick could be used to cool your drink, like a large ice cube.

A brick could be used to make yourself taller. It’s like self-esteem, only easier to use in the construction of a house.

A brick could be used to separate the Jorges from the hoorays.

A blanket could be used as a spy, because if you need to blend in and go under cover, what’s better than a banket?

I don’t need a blanket. I need your naked body on top of me.

A brick could be used as one ingredient on the greedy Cake of Love. Other ingredients include: Everything.

A brick could be utilized to teach the danger of procrastination. Ignoring the brick and pretending everything will work itself out is not going to transform it into a wall.

A brick could be used as a PRA, or Person Replacement Apparatus. Just give the brick a name, start talking to it, and before you know it you’ve got a friend for life. Say, do...

A brick could be used to instill patience in a pupil. Not a pupil as in part of an iris, but a pupil as in student. Seems a bit silly to try to teach eyes...

A brick could be used to squiggle your signature with. And while you’re in the autographing mood, why don’t you sign your name at the bottom of the lunch bill.

A brick has eight edges and six sides. That’s nearly as many sides as a politician takes when discussing a binary issue.

A brick represents a single unit, weak and useless alone, but useful and powerful when organized and grouped with other bricks. So it is with man.

I was nervous. Like an ice cube, I just froze up. Then I melted in some strange guy’s drink.

A brick could be affixed to each end of an axle, for an example of transportation in a pre-wheel society.

A brick could be placed in an empty circular room, so that when you tell a dunce to go stand in the corner, he won’t feel so stupid and will know where to go.

A brick could be used as a sex toy. Well, I say sex toy, but the politician strapped to the bed would probably say torture device.

A brick could be used to tell how hard the wind is blowing. If the wind blows the brick around, I’d get out of there immediately.

I can tie a cherry stem into a knot with my tongue. Now, if only I could do the same with my shoelaces, I wouldn’t have to banana pudding my way to success.

A skyscraper is to a brick as a pyramid is to____________A) a vagina, B) a particular vagina, or C) your mother’s vagina.

Bricks could be used to fill my empty trophy cabinet. But first I’ve got to win them.

I actually have a thing about proper nouns. They clang on my ear in a weird way when I hear them dropped into movies.

Spiritual love is when you see new faces as the oldest.

Little kids talk about the strangest things. They really do.

Stuff that would be weird in the bright light of day just wasn’t so much once you passed a certain hour.

But please remember: this is only a work of fiction. The truth, as always, will be far stranger.

We look at each other with shy relief. It’s the look two odd socks give when they recognise each other in the wild.

A brick could be used to sell a blanket, in a buy one get one free situation. It doesn’t matter if it’s rubble, if it’s free people want it.

A brick could be used to stop the tears. The inside of my jeans’ pockets look suspiciously like handkerchiefs. Here, let me take off my pants so you can blow your nose.

A blanket could be used to sell ice cream to streakers. Well, it could, if those naked runners didn’t leave their wallets in their pants.

A brick could be used to tell the time. If you can see it it’s daytime, and if you can’t see it it’s nighttime.

A brick could be employed to stop global warming, by using it to clog up the world’s smallest volcano. I would use my penis to plug up the hole, but it already burns while I...

A blanket could be wrapped around people who’ve recently been electrocuted, because I’ll bet it’s really warm under those covers. I’ve always wanted to roast marshmallows in my sleep.

A blanket could be made of tuna fish skin, which would go well with my cottage cheese thighs.

A brick could be used to help you keep your job. Just hold it down, man.

My white duvet is like an avalanche of blanket.

A brick could be used to wash your hands. And after that, I’d suggest you wash out your filthy mouth. Scrub it clean, you scatological talker you.

A brick could be used as a scapegoat. But don’t blame the brick. The brick didn’t kill my mother-in-law. It was merely the instrument I utilized in showing her how much I loved her.

A brick could be used like Dracula uses binoculars. I swear that pervert peeps on me every night from the tree across the street.

The Special Operations Network was instigated to handle policing duties considered either too unusual or too specialized to be tackled by the regular force. There were thirty departments in all, starting at the more mundane...

There’s urine on the couch, and the remote control is in the shower.” I would write it myself, but I’ve never been very good at writing love ballads.

A brick could be used to test my new levitation machine. Still, I’d rather test the machine out by seeing if it can lift my heavy, elephantine penis off the floor. But before I turn...

A brick on a stick could be licked like a lollipop.

A blanket could be used to represent the Rectangle of Desire. In nine out of ten cases, it was more effective than Viagra. The tenth case was found to contain a lot of cash, and...