A brick could be given as a graduation gift to a C student. It’s like here, welcome to a life in the construction industry.

Cowboy!” she hollered.Every man on the street turned to stare at her.”–pg.117

Stop” as you hold out a stiff arm and just stand there. It might feel like you’re waiting your whole life for that train to stop, and quite possibly you will wait your whole life...

Yes, I know,” Isadora said, and then read her poem, leaning forward so Carmelita Spats would not overhear:”I would rather eat a bowl of vampire batsthan spend an hour with Carmelita Spats.”The Baudelaires giggled and...

Why did the brick and blanket cross the road? Because some maniac had just run over the chicken. That maniac was me, and that chicken was delicious.

Okay, I’ll wear the Bite Me shirt,[…]It’ll be my standard response to any­one who tries to hit on me.” I giggle. “Someone can come up and be like ‘Hey babe, what’s your sign?’ and I’ll...

Bye,” but to me it means food. Of the greetings, goodbye is the desert.

Some people drip wax on themselves like a human chianti bottle to see if they feel anything….but getting a wicker basket to fit them is a fiasco

She must have been very anxious about a first boy friend to fall in love with a Colgate boy

She’d made him watch every Alien movie. Most of the goriest scenes were accompanied by his dialogue: ‘Ach, that’s no’ – that’s just no’ right…. Bloody hell, this canna be right.

If a tie is like kissing your sister, losing is like kissing your grandmother with her teeth out.

You’re ruining that book!” He pointed to the page I’d torn out. “That’s a perfectly good book!” Holding his gaze, I reached down and ripped another page out. “I’m making roses.” “Well, it’s my book.”...

I managed to beat Michael Phelps’ 400 meter IM time. And not only did I beat his time, but I did it in exactly 200 meters.

Wisdom of the Ages: “Women” Any culture that has supported the education, rights and sanctity of women has dominated those cultures who have not. As Lycurgus the Spartan lawgiver once said, “Strong women make strong...

Will you sleep with me?” I expect you to run to the bedroom, get naked, and get under the blanket. Whatever you do, do not reach for the brick.

Kyo Sohma: One of these days I’ll make you say you’re sorry Yuki Sohma: looking bored I’m sorry. Kyo Sohma: Dammit That’s not what I meant Don’t you have any shame Yuki Sohma: still looking...

A blanket could be used as a bathtub tarp, keeping all the body’s heat in, and the police’s and murder victim’s wife’s eyes out.

This is a theater,” Bertie, annoyed by the inquisition, dropped him onto stage. Several feet of slack cable landed atop the fairy in a slithering heap.”Oh!” Peaseblossom said. “You’ve buried him alive!

A blanket could be used to settle disputes. Hold my penis while I demonstrate how it would work.

Eros mumbled something.”I’m sorry?” said Aphrodite.”Whatwouldjesusdo.””What would Jesus do?” said Aphrodite. “Let me tell you something. Jesus was a very good boy. He would do exactly what his mother told him to.””But-“”Jesus was supposed to...

I’ll weave the waves into a sea blanket of goodbye.

Am I higher or lower than she? It was always the vital question for Anna: who was superior, and how she could position herself so that she would be perceived as superior?

A blanket could be used to communicate with dolphins. Be quiet! I’m trying to talk to the swimming mammals.

Bitterblue had never seen a man naked, and she was curious. She decided the universe owed her a few minutes, just a few, to satisfy her curiosity. So she went to him and knelt, which...

A brick could be used in conjunction with another brick to be the Democrat and Republican Presidential candidates. People will say, Vote for the brick on the left, or, The brick on the right is...

She rolled over and sat up as he bent, tearing off his boots. “Whatcha doing?””Getting naked.””I like that.

A blanket could be used in exciting medical advancements, curing everything from shivers to tonitrophobia.

Who am I? I’m the Breeze, bitch!

I was once attacked by a Federal park. But due to governmental inefficiencies, I had to report it to highway patrol.

He sent Eliza a small smile before turning to Lawrence. “What say you and I return to the hotel for a bit? I need to check on my daughter, and you need some time away...

I don’t know why men are so fascinated with television and I think it has something to do with – if I may judge from my own father, who used to sit and stare at...

Yo Mama’s like mustard, she spreads easy.

I had a tumor. But it was great.

With a nod, Thorne started down the street. ‘This way.’ Five steps later, he paused, pondered, turned around. ‘No, no, this way.’ ‘We’re dead.’ ‘No, I’ve got it now. It’s this way.’ ‘Don’t you have...

Who knew Demon Child would have such a normal name? I expected something exotic like Serena or Destiny or the Evil One That Comes in the Night to Make Us Chilly.

It doesn’t matter if it’s the real world or fictional,” I insisted. “Crushes are the best part of liking someone, and they are completely safe. You get all the benefits of fantasising about someone, but...

…What do you do with all your money?””Me and the French hoard gold.

Every now and then you get a nice Jewish kid who likes black people and they would come in, and it would be a stream of them, and have black friends and really feel the...

I can tell if two people are in love by how they hold each other’s hands, and how thick their sanitation gloves are.

Seriously, it’s like watching mild porn, watching you two eye fuck each other every two seconds.

He slowed down a bit more. “Gaia, how do you know these things?” She shrugged. “I’m smart.” “And modest, too.” “Modesty is a waste of time,” she pronounced. “I’ll keep that in mind.

While death is sadly inevitable, our grief will soon pass like a swallowed penny through one’s bowels.Painful change just takes time.

My nickname isn’t Scarface—it’s Scarf Ace. I make knitted neck warmers like I make love—one grandmother at a time.

It’s Diet Coke. And if anyone ever serves you brown wine with a foamy head, send it back.

The rabbit of Easter. He bring of the chocolate.

Hayır ya, hayır! Seks olmadan yaşamak. Bak düşün! Diyorum ki kötü bir şey olmasa. Misal, belki de çayı şekersiz içmek gibi. Başlarda acıdır, ama şekerli içtiğin yıllarda çayın tadını aslında hiç almadığını fark edersin ve...

I thanked the lucky stars for my great metabolism, because Karsen had showed me pictures of her mom once and it was scary the transformation she underwent after popping three kids out. She went from...

It’s between one and a lot,” he added, helpfully.

He’s turned his life around. He used to be depressed and miserable. Now he’s miserable and depressed.

We do not have to visit a madhouse to find disordered minds; our planet is the mental institution of the universe.