There is nothing more awful, insulting, and depressing than banality.

Well I’m not going to hope that you get hurt, but if you do, remember that you’re my damsel in distress, and no one is allowed to carry you.””I don’t remember signing a contract.””All the...

And you are the girl’s bitch, forever.

At least I rescued your poor hot dog.

Says O’Sullivan to me, “Mr. Fay, I’ll have a word wid yeh?” “Certainly,” says I; “what can I do for you?” “Sell me your sea- boots, Mr. Fay,” says O’Sullivan, polite as can be. “But...

Lord Carradice managed to look wicked, smug, and saintly, all at the same time.

Of course I do, Jack! You have to beLIEve me!

A sex trophy should be functional, and shaped like a dildo, yet decorative, and shaped like Ben Bernanke. Insert it in your ass as desired.

You ever noticed how people who believe in Creationism look really un-evolved? You ever noticed that? Eyes real close together, eyebrow ridges, big furry hands and feet. “I believe God created me in one day”....

How did you get in here?’ (…) ‘How I got here isn’t important, because I could do it twenty times again, each time a different way.

Owr brave little shank!

Ultimately, it is in fun. It is supposed to be highly entertaining.

America pays defense contractors to build aircraft carriers. Google pays brilliant programmers to do whatever the hell they want.

I don’t think I’m crazy, but then again, define crazy.

We may not be all that bright, Jace said, but at least we are alive.

Friends are like bras, attached near your heart for support. Foes are like panties, deported, every now and then, when they get dirty.

Love is the walrus I crayon with like it’s the Eifel Tower. I know, love doesn’t make much sense to me, either.

Jace: Herondale, on the other hand, is melodic. Dulcet, one might say. Think of the sound of ‘Clary Herondale.’Clary: Oh, my god, that sounds horrible.Jace: We all must sacrifice for love.

Your big scary husband is crying.

I want to be loved, but first, I want to love. I’ll love you and we’ll both feel good, and if you love me too that’d be great, but not entirely necessary.

I feel no grief for being called somethingwhichI am not;in fact, it’s enthralling, somehow, like a goodback rub

Well Sarah’s on drugs again and that’s why she did it in Mario’s backseat, but now she might be pregnant, oh, and that messed-up Seth kid’s been cutting himself again so he was sent away...

The Mile High City has mile-high expectations. That’s 5,280 feet, you know. That’s five millipedes and 2.8 centipedes for all you lovers out there.

Well, we wouldn’t even think of a military action because that would have extremely adverse results for Turkey. After all, we are on the borders.

Any time you’re trying to do a movie with a happy ending, it’s very difficult because it’s been done before and you don’t want to be manipulative.

I drank my lava lamp to get the party started. Later on I made love like a volcano, while I watched TV alone.

Silence is wittier than any jest. Thou wanteth to express thy feelings with eloquence and grace? Drop thy jaw boldly and beautifully. There, thou’rt starting to get it. But hang out thy tongue more. Let...

Most good actors have a huge intelligence about the human condition and a real open heart to different kinds of people and behavior.

For most vampires, it’s an automatic response – scent blood, fangs drop.

Y are you called the cheese man?

I may find something that looks interesting and then go on to alter the recipe by adding spices, things of my own. I also look for time-saving recipes, dishes that can be prepared ahead and...

I welcome all You’re Welcomes with open arms and open zippers. My love for her is sandwiched between two slices of Thank You.

Vous eprouves trop d’emotion, Hastings, It affects your hands and your wits. Is that a way to fold a coat? And regard what you have done to my pyjamas. If the hairwash breaks what will...

I just thought it sounded good.

A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running.

I apologized to her once for spending less time with her, but she blew it off. “You’re in love. That makes you actually kind of boring to people who aren’t in love. You know, the...

Can I buy you an ice cream beforeI take you home? I feel like it’s the least I can do after scaring your shirt off.

Honest to God, she was the noisiest woman he’d ever been shot at with.

When I write, it feels like there are two little creatures that sit on each of my shoulders. One whispers, “You can do this. You’ve got what it takes.” The other sounds like my mother-in-law.

If you’re funny, if there’s something that makes you laugh, then every day’s going to be okay.

Women: You can’t live with them, and you can’t get them to dress up in a skimpy little Nazi costume and beat you with a warm squash or something.

The people who know you well are the people who know your vulnerabilities.

And that sort of reinforces to me that fact that he causes so much trouble, and never really pays a price for it, which I think he should.

Bringing a pot plant to the office, I believe, is a sign of quite serious commitment.

There is much to discover that’s not on the back cover!

Sexually active? Sexually active? Patrick and I hadn’t even learned the fine points of kissing yet!I marched on down. ‘For your information,’ I said from the doorway, as both Dad and Lester jerked to attention,...

Self-doubt is a persuasive mistress; careful not to shag her or you’ll never get your balls back.” – Simon Hunt

In the Haymarket! That Pop went to all the time! That is just dumb talk.

It is easier to tell a person what life is not, rather than to tell them what it is. A child understands weeds that grow from lack of attention, in a garden. However, it is...

I’ll have you know there is nothing simple about my groin…” He shot her his predatory grin, the one he often reserved for her breasts. Run little girl, run far and run fast… take those...