It is true that words have power, and one of the things they are able to do is get out of someone’s mouth before the speaker has the chance to stop them.

There’s always the dwarf bread.

Give a man a fire and he’s warm for a day, but set fire to him and he’s warm for the rest of his life.

He had a notebook. He took notes in it. It was always useful. And them Sybil, gods bless her, had brought him this fifteen-function imp which did so many other things, although as far as...

Amazin’.’ he said again. ‘He just looks as though he’s thinking, right?”Er…yes.”But he’s not actually thinking?”Er…no.”So…he just gives the impression of thinking but really it’s just a show?”Er…yes.’Just like everyone else, then really,’ said Ridcully

He’d been wrong, there was a light at the end of the tunnel, and it was a flamethrower.

Bursar? Yes, Archchancellor? You ain’t a member of some secret society or somethin’, are you? Me? No, Archchancellor. Then it’d be a damn good idea to take your underpants off your head.

Do you not know that a man is not dead while his name is still spoken?

Adventure! People talked about the idea as if it were something worthwhile, rather than a mess of bad food, no sleep and strange people inexplicably trying to stick pointed objects in bits of you.

You say that you people don’t burn folk and sacrifice people anymore, but that’s what true faith would mean, y’see? Sacrificin’ your own life, one day at a time, to the flame, declarin’ the truth...

It is always useful to face an enemy who is prepared to die for his country,” he read. “This means that both you and he have exactly the same aim in mind.

There is always a choice.” “You mean I could choose certain death?” “A choice nevertheless, or perhaps an alternative. You see I believe in freedom. Not many people do, although they will of course protest...

Oh, he did his best to make their short lives miserable, because that was his job, but nothing he could think up was half as bad as the stuff they thought up themselves.

Inside every sane person there’s a madman struggling to get out,” said the shopkeeper. “That’s what I’ve always thought. No one goes mad quicker than a totally sane person.

We’re dealing here,” said Vimes, “With a twisted mind.””Oh, no! You think so?””Yes.””But… no… you can’t be right. Because Nobby was with us all the time.””Not Nobby,” said Vimes testily. “Whatever he might do to...

You didn’t warn us about this, Readier,’ said Stowley resentfully.Gilt waved his hands. ‘We must speculate to accumulate!’ he said. ‘The Post Office? Trickery and sleight of hand. Oh, von Lipwig is an ideas man,...

… a metaphor … is like lying but more decorative.

Everyone has gods. You just don’t think they’re gods.

Because inside every old person is a young person wondering what happened.

But there was more to it than that. As the Amazing Maurice said, it was just a story about people and rats. And the difficult part of it was deciding who the people were, and...

And then there were cats, thought Dog. He’d surprised the huge ginger cat from next door and had attempted to reduce it to cowering jelly by means of the usual glowing stare and deep-throated growl,...

I don’t think it’s weak to admit you made a mistake. That takes strength, if you ask me.

Blessings be on this house,” Granny said, perfunctorily. It was always a good opening remark for a witch. It concentrated people’s minds on what other things might be on this house.

Your own brain ought to have the decency to be on your side!

Mr Vimes,” said Mrs Winkings, “ve cannot help but notice that you still haf not employed any of our members in the Vatch…”Say ‘Watch’, why don’t you? Vimes thought. I know you can. Let the...

Dwarfs are very attached to gold. Any highwayman demanding ‘Your money or your life’ had better bring a folding chair and packed lunch and a book to read while the debate goes on.

A good motto in life, he’d reckoned, was: don’t eat anything that glows.

The Truth Shall Make Ye Fret. [Fred. Free.]

There’s one thing you can say for air pollution, you get utterly amazing sunrises.

And people think she killed him?” said Miss Tick. She sighed. “They probably think she cooked him in the oven, or something.””They never actually said,” said Tiffany. “But I think it was something like that,...

The pen is mightier than the sword if the sword is very short, and the pen is very sharp

If you have to look along the shaft of an arrow from the wrong end, if a man has you entirely at his mercy, then hope like hell that man is an evil man. Because...

The entire universe has been neatly divided into things to (a) mate with, (b) eat, (c) run away from, and (d) rocks.

I should have learned this, she thought. I wanted to learn fire, and pain, but I should have learned people.

Susan’s gotta poker, you know,” it said, as if anxious to be helpful. WELL, WELL. INDEED. MY GOODNESS ME.”I fort-thought all of you knew that now. Larst-last week she picked up a bogey by its...

Whole new theories of money were growing here like mushrooms: in the dark and based on bullshit.

To tell you the truth, I’m something of an atheist.

Things that are back to front are often easier to comprehend if they are upside down as well. In life as in politics.

Historical Re-creation, he thought glumly, as they picked their way across, under, over or through the boulders and insect-buzzing heaps of splintered timber, with streamlets running everywhere. Only we do it with people dressing up...

The world rides through space on the back of a turtle. This is one of the great ancient world myths, found wherever men and turtles were gathered together; the four elephants were an Indo-European sophistication....

Magrat liked to think she was good with children, and worried that she wasn’t. She didn’t like them very much, and worried about this too. Nanny Ogg seemed to be effortlessly good with children by...

I heard this story once,” she said, “where this bloke got locked up for years and years and he learned amazin’ stuff about the universe and everythin’ from another prisoner who was incredibly clever, and...

Perhaps the magic would last, perhaps it wouldn’t. But then again, what does?

Just for a moment there was an unusual feeling of bliss. Strange word, he thought. It’s one of those words that describe something that does not make a noise but, if it did make a...

There were a lot of things he could say. “Son of a bitch!” would have been a good one. Or he could say, “Welcome to civilization!” He could have said, “Laugh this one off!” He...

‘There is no justice,’ said Death. ‘Just me.’

Murder was in fact a fairly uncommon event in Ankh-Morpork, but there were a lot of suicides. Walking in the night-time alleyways of The Shades was suicide. Asking for a short in a dwarf bar...

of course it is, it all is, what difference does that make?

Million-to-one chances…crop up nine times out of ten.

Things Just Happen, What The Hell