You,” he purred, “are a HILF.””A what?””A Horseman I’d like to fuck.

Stairs, are they going up or are they going down? They’re so confusing! If love were a physical thing, it would be stairs.

Blankets make great traps for the clinically insane, but a straightjacket might work better.

Love has a certain weightlessness to it, much as my meaty penis would on the moon.

To be clear, I don’t care.

The combination of ammonia and chloride can be lethal but I’ve discovered it can work miracles as long as you keep telling yourself, “I want to love, I want to live…

Bazıları için aşkın tanımı buydu. Derslerde en arkaya otururlar. Yaz günü 40 derece sıcakta giydikleri blazer ceketleri ve ucuz popülerliğin son moda pop şarkılarını bangırdattıkları, sanayiden 100 Lira’ya temin edilmiş çakma ses sistemleriyle donatılmış, viteslerine...

From the ages of 8-18, me and my family moved around a lot. Mostly we would just stretch, but occasionally one of us would actually get up to go to the fridge.

Goodness, I didn’t expect you to be quite this enthusiastic about my advances. If I don’t play hard to get, how will I ever know whether or not you respect me?

How are we going to get out of here?””Oh, escape is easy once you have the right plan.””Do we have the right plan?””Not yet.””Do we have any plan?””Not yet.

Halt regarded him. He loved Horace like a younger brother. Even like a second son, after Will. He admired his skill with a sword and his courage in battle. But sometimes, just sometimes, he felt...

Webster’s—the original high definition entertainment.

I didn’t want to spoil the mood. This was probably the longest Daemon and I had ever spoken without some statement earning him the finger.

I have always loved camping, ever since I was eight, and was forcibly stuffed in a trunk and dropped off in the middle of the forest. My dad was a complex man, but I believe...

The next thing Jordana says makes me realize that it’s too late to save her. “I’ve noticed that when you light a match, the flame is the same shape as a falling tear.” She’s been...

This isn’t the first time I’ve used this, and the test subject showed no signs of impaired cognitive ability.””Who was the test subject?” asked Aurora.”I test everything out on myself before taking it into the...

I know because I read. Might I suggest you try it?

For your birthday I got you some batteries. They’re dead, just like you’ll soon be.

The [Five Second Rule] has many variations, including The Three Second Rule, The Seven Second Rule, and the extremely handy and versatile The However Long It Takes Me to Pick Up This Food Rule.

My love is like the shape your mouth makes while you whistle. Would you mind if I accompanied you on my harmonica?

All I remember is the last time I played a videogame, it was Space Invaders.

No thanks, I’ll just drink water.” And that’s not just a statement about table etiquette; it’s a personal quote that accurately reflects my moral and philosophical belief system.

Right. So no plans at all then?”Jenna frowned. “Other than rocking in the fetal position for a while?””Yeah, I was thinking about taking one of those showers where you huddle in the corner fully clothed...

I do not agree with what you have to say, but at your death I’ll defend what you rightfully should have said.

Around about now, young John Owen comes out of the shack lugging my old musket from the War. At six years of age, our youngest boy already knew his business. Not a word, just brings...

I grew up in Europe, where the history comes from.

I ain’t never seen a creature like that before, she says. He’s so smart, he’s-More, like a person than a bird? I says.Yeah, she says. That’s it.Whatever you do, I says, don’t tell him that....

It’s scary to be a woman on a blind date. For all she knows the man she is meeting up with could be a rapist, a murderer, or, God forbid, a politician.

Kendrick walked over to her purposefully, hauled her up into his arms and gave her a mock frown. “I hunger, wench.”Genevieve put her arms around his neck. “Well? What are you going to hunt us...

You could duct tape my mouth shut, and I’d still talk too much. I talk with my hands, so you have to listen hard to hear me. You’ll hear my flattering words when you see...

If a woman cannot make her mistakes charming, she is only a female.

There Are Two Typos Of People In This World: Those Who Can Edit And Those Who Can’t

I support zero tolerance. But I draw the line at negative integers.

I want to remember our fallen heroes. And after I’ve spent a day remembering them, I want to extend my arm and help them up.

OK, maybe one iota, or two iotas at most, but definitely not three.

I can’t define what love is. That’s like eating a pancake with a waffle instead of a fork. But you know it when you feel it, like petting a cat wearing a synthetic fur coat.

FORTUNECOOKINT of the Week: The paper this fortune is printed on contains more nutrients than the cookie it came in.

I made a graph of my emotions, a chart, and when I looked it over I was amazed to notice that the day Agatha broke up with me looked identical to the stock market crash...

Is the line between the essential and the peripheral essential or peripheral?

My couch is coffee-colored. I can thank Starbucks and clumsiness for that.

SpookSpeak. Agent n. The average of a double agent and no agent at all.

I’m a romantic. I like cold coffee and orgasms that arrive fifteen minutes after I’ve put on my clothes and paid the lady.

On the directory map in CIA Headquarters lobby, it says ‘You Aren’t Here.

Why take the stairs when someone else can take them for you? Love is like a flight of stairs—somebody’s going to take them, so I may as well be unselfish and take the elevator.

You’re a sweetie. I appreciate you cheering me on from the sidelines. But I think I need to go to the bathroom now and throw up.

I want to make pants out of tuna fish, to accompany my cottage cheese thighs.

CIA. Global, mobile, with a cause that’s noble.

I know how to tell a woman I love her in seventeen syllables or less. I’m not talking about a haiku, I’m talking about grunts from an orgasm.

Most of the people you read about being turned meet vamps in clubs or over the Internet…Ew, did you…?””Yes, I met a vampire on the Internet, went to his evil love den, and let him...

The 27th letter has always been my favorite letter of the alphabet. But, then, I also love ghost stories, invisible beings, the supernatural, and Bigfoot. Just ask The Mythical Mr. Boo, who’s first name begins...