World is so full of idiots that you can’t even imagine to escape. The only solution is isolation. But it still spares one!

Jesus H. Christ on ice and Mary in the penalty box!

As often as possible, I would hope,” he said, kissing me softly under the evening sky.

You saved Dad’s life. If anyone’s got the right to eavesdrop on him, it’s you.

The rest of you will take a number and have a seat.” Her paperwork skills might have been lousy, but her personal touch was something I aspired to.

Instead I sounded like a little girl on her first day of kindergarten. My name is Bee, and I like coloring and horsies.

MY FRIEND: SO DO YOU TAKE A FOREIGN LANGUAGE CLASS?ME: SURE DO HAVE BEEN FOR THE LAST 13 YEARS.MY FRIEND: COOL WHAT LANGUAGE?ME: MATH.

Remember every vote count’s and every two are worth a nickel

Do yourself a favor,’ I said. “Forget it. Forget you ever saw me.””Forget that you tried to kill me too?””Yeah. That, too.””But who are you?””Percy-” I started to say. Then the skeletons turned around. “Gotta...

[Razo] knocked, peered inside, then jumped and shut the door, quiet as brushing two feathers together. He smiled at his own stealth, then swaggered right into a chair, banging it against the wall.You oaf. He...

Sometimes you are the peanut to my butter and sometimes you are those annoying crumbs left over when someone makes toast.

Sometimes that light at the end of the tunnel is a train.

Should I go get a crowbar?

Superman once challenged Chuck Norris to a fight, the loser had to wear his underwear on the outside.

After reading some of my stories, I once had a friend say to me, “I’d love to spend five minutes in your head to see what’s going on in there.” I warned them, “If you...

I really need 5 hours of Facebook to balance out my 5 minutes of studying.

You’re going to throw me naked into a pit and make me drench myself in baby lotion, aren’t you?” BrideYou live in New Orleans, where they can’t even dig a grave. So tell me where...

Entah kenapa, masa lalu selalu membuat gue tertawa setiap kali gue mengingatnya. (Catatan Mantan Playboy, halaman 137)

In the oven.

Don’t follow me on Instagram, it seems i already figured out your password.

If bliss are a type of potato, then ignorance can be french-fried

Sorry, no professionals.

When they figure out how to bottle up orgasms and sell them as a food additive, I’ll be first in line.

Our problems started in Dallas, when the fire-breathing sheep destroyed the King Tut exhibit.

Whenever I come here, I pretend I’m living in the future and the atmosphere is irradiated and wild bands of biodiesel bikers rule the dusty surface.

I envy the man to snatch him up. This will be the only time in life I’m siding with Freud and experiencing ‘penis envy’. There will never be a repeat. Can’t be associated with too...

Creo que no me equivoco al pensar, querido mío, que naciste justo a mitad del invierno, ,no es así?-No-contestó Harry-.Nací en julio.

IN MY DEFENSE, I didn’t mean to start the Apocalypse. It wasn’t just my personal aversion to oblivion; I had a clear financial motive: The end of the world is bad for business.

Woman. Buckle

If he didn’t want to be mauled by a sex-starved woman who hadn’t gotten any skin in months, he’d better keep his hands to himself.

Life is like an atom bomb… It’s a blast… but it can be a bummer too!

why can’t you place a blessing like that on us,” I asked.”It only works on wild animals,” “So it would only affect Percy,” Annabeth reasoned.

I wasn’t exactly sure what “nothing good” meant, but I could imagine in this world of humans, “nothing good” could mean a lot of bad things.

Well,” said Clary, after a judicious pause, “I guess you wouldn’t have taken advantage of her when she’s so grief-stricken and all.” Simon snorted. “If you ever meet the man who could take advantage of...

Damn it. Reyes could be such a butthead. Freaking Antichrists.

it’s not my fault my parents own the world’s largest collection of black santas

For some, the left testicle is larger than the right one. For Chuck Norris, each testicle is larger than the other one.

My good sense bitch-slapped my estrogen and told her to get a grip.

What’s purple mean?”Adrian put his hand on the door. “Gotta go, Sage. Dont want to keep Dorothy waiting

Remember. Make him cry uncle.Cry uncle, my posterior. I’m going to make him cry like a girl who broke her mom’s designer heels at the prom.

NI! Oh no! Not ni!

[…] The alpha-wolf has hurt himself […].” “What happened to the alpha-wolf?””LEGOs.””Legos?” It sounded Greek but I couldn’t recall anything mythological with that name. Wasnt it an island?”He was carrying a load of laundry into...

If it’s the thought that counts, then ignorance must use a calculator

If Yo Mama and Yo Daddy got a divorce, they’d still be brother and sister.

In my experience, the romance novels written about BDSM have about as much in common with actual BDSM relationships as a child playing with a jump rope.

Wrong amulet!”The technique worked, at any rate. The camel wasn’t much of a fighter, but it was quite heavy and clumsy. The criosphinx snarled and clawedat the floor, trying unsuccessfully to push the camel off;...

I suppose I could get a job to have something to do, but working when I don’t have to work would be like pulling a straight and healthy tooth — pointless and extremely painful.”–David Palmer

You know your all fucks! why am i so dichable? now how am i supposed to kill you with out upseting that poor nice women!? God damnit alice i liked you why did you have...

Knocking the shrieking goblins aside like skittles

Not gonna happen.” Ari threw a pen at the mirror for emphasis.