World is so full of idiots that you can’t even imagine to escape. The only solution is isolation. But it still spares one!

Jesus H. Christ on ice and Mary in the penalty box!

Well,” said Clary, after a judicious pause, “I guess you wouldn’t have taken advantage of her when she’s so grief-stricken and all.” Simon snorted. “If you ever meet the man who could take advantage of...

Damn it. Reyes could be such a butthead. Freaking Antichrists.

it’s not my fault my parents own the world’s largest collection of black santas

For some, the left testicle is larger than the right one. For Chuck Norris, each testicle is larger than the other one.

My good sense bitch-slapped my estrogen and told her to get a grip.

What’s purple mean?”Adrian put his hand on the door. “Gotta go, Sage. Dont want to keep Dorothy waiting

Remember. Make him cry uncle.Cry uncle, my posterior. I’m going to make him cry like a girl who broke her mom’s designer heels at the prom.

NI! Oh no! Not ni!

[…] The alpha-wolf has hurt himself […].” “What happened to the alpha-wolf?””LEGOs.””Legos?” It sounded Greek but I couldn’t recall anything mythological with that name. Wasnt it an island?”He was carrying a load of laundry into...

If it’s the thought that counts, then ignorance must use a calculator

If Yo Mama and Yo Daddy got a divorce, they’d still be brother and sister.

In my experience, the romance novels written about BDSM have about as much in common with actual BDSM relationships as a child playing with a jump rope.

Wrong amulet!”The technique worked, at any rate. The camel wasn’t much of a fighter, but it was quite heavy and clumsy. The criosphinx snarled and clawedat the floor, trying unsuccessfully to push the camel off;...

I suppose I could get a job to have something to do, but working when I don’t have to work would be like pulling a straight and healthy tooth — pointless and extremely painful.”–David Palmer

You know your all fucks! why am i so dichable? now how am i supposed to kill you with out upseting that poor nice women!? God damnit alice i liked you why did you have...

Knocking the shrieking goblins aside like skittles

Not gonna happen.” Ari threw a pen at the mirror for emphasis.

His green eyes blazed with desire; such a different look than I’d known before. Chase had studied me, reading my feelings. Tucker was only trying to see his own reflection. Disturbing on several levels.

He done his level best.Was he a mining on the flat..He done it with a zest..Was he a leading of the choir..He done his level best.If he’d a reg’lar task to do,He never took no...

No one broke his finger and got away with it.

Poseidon’s underpants! You can’t be serious.

You don’t like Blue, do you?””No,” Mira said, caught off guard by the change of subject.”I was worried he was doing his knight-in-tarnished-armor thing and it was winning you over.

Jace?” She offered him the glass. “I am a man,” he told her. “And men do not consume pink beverages. Get the gone, woman and bring me something brown.””Brown?” Isabelle made a face. “Brown is...

For shit’s sake, it wasn’t like there was a twelve-step for being the Scribe Virgin’s kid:Hi, I’m Vishous. I’m her son and I’ve been her son for three hundred years.HI, VISHOUS.She’s done a head job...

Morelli was wearing a blazer over a black knit shirt, He took a seat, and his jacket swung wide, exposing the gun at his hip.”Nice piece!” Grandma said. “What is it? Is that a forty-five?””It’s...

Chuck Norris is the only human being to display the Heisenberg uncertainty principle — you can never know both exactly where and how quickly he will roundhouse kick you in the face.

He looked up at Stig and Hal. ‘Told you this one was a keeper.’ Lydia flushed as the two boys smiled. ‘Shut up. You make sure you do your stuff with those two overgrown dinner...

And I figured you’d drive a four-hour round-trip before giving up your car to someone else

By the power of Grayskull. . . I have the power!” Nick”By the power of Grayskull, I’m going to cleave your skull from your shoulders if you don’t take this seriously.” Caleb

Tip#27Kiss a girl if you’re a female,If you’re a single male kiss a Guy(Idea)It’s fun to offend society ~

He could not consent to allow himself to be insulted, still less to allow himself to be treated as a rag, and, above all, to allow a thoroughly vicious man to treat him so. No...

If you know how to open doors with just a smile, you must need your teeth capped every six months

Yo Mama’s like mustard, she spreads easy.

Not that I don’t appreciate the rescue,” Holt said. “But I’m forced to ask, in the interest of self-preservation … exactly how well armed are you right now?

If things do not change,in the future we may all speak spell check.

Possibility of enjoying life makes death feel terrible.

Dear Fly, I love you. If you are a mouse I am cheese. If you are a cat I am a mouse. You are a fly, so I want to be shit.

Is this your holiday homework?” asked Sarah. “Don’t do it, Rose! And Eve will write you a note to say it’s iniquitous to give eight-year-olds homework. You will, won’t you, Eve?””I could never spell ‘iniquitous,’...

And what the hell does that even mean? Why would you serve food for thoughgs, and what kind of food? If you serve spinach, do you get healthy thoughts? If it’s ice cream and candy,...

Be the kind of woman who, when your feet hit the floor each morning, the devil says “Oh, no! She’s up.

so this crow comes and it starts quacking at us.

I was shameless in my supermarket-shelf mass-market taste. I loved King, Evanovich, Grisham and Brown. I won’t lie; the oficial-looking filing cabinet in the corner is actually stuffed full of my paperbacks.

If you’re heading downtown from Centeral Park, my advice is to take the subway. Flying pigs are faster but way more dangerous

Ish #19 “If your diet soda has zero calories, zero sugar and zero fat, what the hell are you drinking?

I didn’t know where this stuff was coming from – all of a sudden I was a little magickal sprite, bonding with my stone, feeling my earth roots, la la la…All I can is describe...

If loving someone is putting them in a straitjacket and kicking them down a flight of stairs, then yes, I have loved a few people.

He’s close enough now that I can hear his footfall on the pavement, and I knowmy chances of outrunning him are slim. I’m practically in a full sprint, and my pounding heart is begging me...

Chuck Norris can divide by zero.