Yo Mama’s like mustard, she spreads easy.

My mortgage isn’t getting any cheaper and I can’t run that Ferrari on faith alone,” Reverend Jones said. “Don’t get me wrong, the Big Man upstairs does what he can but I’ve never once seen...

Chuck Norris can divide by zero.

Yo Mama sucks so much d***, her lips went double platinum.

Not that it isn’t great to see you. But it’s not so great for you. What’d you do wrong? Laugh at his dick?

When Chuck Norris calls 911 it’s to ask if everything is ok.

What’s the difference between Yo Mama and a 747?-About 20 pounds.-Yo mama carries more passengers.-Not everyone’s been on a 747.

Chuck Norris will never have a heart attack. His heart isn’t nearly foolish enough to attack him.

Yo Mama’s like a library, open to the public.

You can’t enjoy art or books in a hurry.

Chuck Norris can unscramble an egg.

Yo Mama’s so fat, her ass has its own congressman!

If you want to find out if someone is a true bookworm or not, give them a thousand page novel and see what happens.

Yo Mama’s so ugly, her dentist treats her by mail order.

Yo Mama’s so fat her butt cheeks have different area codes.

Even as zombies, ridiculous prom gowns were the downfall of teenage girls, crippling them at the knees.

Yo Mama’s so ugly, her Mama had to tie a steak around her neck to get the dogs to play with her.

Chuck Norris CAN understand women.

Are you prepared?” she asked when the other Valkyries had their passengers in place.”Sure,” Matt said. “But we could use a soundtrack this time. Maybe a little Wagner. Da-da-da DUM dum.”Hildar looked back at hiim...

Yo Mama’s so ugly that your father takes her to work with him so that he doesn’t have to kiss her goodbye.

His only real financial failure came at the age of thirteen when, in an uncharacteristic error of judgement, he invested £200,000 of his own savings in wooden socks, an invention that never caught on as...

Yo Mama’s so old, her memory is in black and white.

Clap your hands, stomp your feet, praise the Lord, we got some heat!

If a wizard should take up residence in your garden and requests food, you are obliged to feed him.

Superman once challenged Chuck Norris to a fight, the loser had to wear his underwear on the outside.

Sorry, no professionals.

Suddenly, a voice called from the darkness. Taylor leapt like a salmon, then became rooted to the spot like a tin of salmon.

For some, the left testicle is larger than the right one. For Chuck Norris, each testicle is larger than the other one.

If Yo Mama and Yo Daddy got a divorce, they’d still be brother and sister.

Eagles, buffalos and deserts vast, it’s no good living in the fucking past.

Chuck Norris is the only human being to display the Heisenberg uncertainty principle — you can never know both exactly where and how quickly he will roundhouse kick you in the face.