Some parts of the Bible I find a little troubling. For example, if Jesus really believed in nonviolence, why did He destroy the Death Star?

They love their hair because they’re not smart enough to love something more interesting.

It was tumultuous, it was crazy, but I would not trade it for anything.

Oh, you need Alan to betray Nick and then you’ll steal Nick’s powers and kill them both,” said Mae. “Great idea. Hey, can i come? I’ll bring a picnic lunch if you promise not to...

Comment, Mademoiselle? Vous appellés cela betrügen? Corriger la fortune, l’enchainer sous ses doits, etre sûr de son fait, das nenn die Deutsch betrügen? betrügen! O, was ist die deutsch Sprak für ein arm Sprak! für...

A brick could be used to disguise the fact that I’m blushing. Oh my God, I’m so embarrassed! Don’t look at the rose of my ears, look at the rouge of the construction cube.

You fellows are amazing,’ the sweaty cook roared over the stoves. ‘Everything happens to you only. Each time you come here, you have a new adventure story to entertain us

I later discovered that in order to be a good athlete one must care intensely what is happening with a ball, even if one doesn’t have possession of it. This was ultimately my failure: my...

A blanket could be used to say hello to all the goodbyes I was too blind to hear. I’m hungry for a bowl full of mute, but my favorite restaurant is out of the Helen...

Real comedy is not when you laugh at an idiot, it’s when the idiot laughs at you.

pg. 231-232: They’d given me a minivan. They could have picked any car and they picked a minivan. A minivan. O God of the Vehicular Justice, why dost thou mock me? Minivan, you albatross around...

A blanket could be used as a smothering agent, sort of like an employee of the NSA.

Once Errol righted himself into some semblance of horsemanship, they set off at an easy canter. That is, the other horses set off at a canter, while Errol’s horse settled into a teeth-shattering trot. After...

A woman needs a man like a tortoise needs a crah helmet.

Bricks could be used to neatly pack your suitcase. It would promote personal strength and frugality.

Tradition or not, I sometimes thought putting children on an old guy’s lap was already creepy enough. We didn’t need to mix alcohol into it.

Sex is like air; it’s not important unless you aren’t getting any.

I make love like a brick could be used as toilet paper. Sure, it’s rough, but I thought you liked that shit.

(Responding to a sneeze from the audience) Who exploded?

In the Catskills, nostalgia runs backwards. The upwardly mobile Jewish masses of the 1950s and 1960s have been replaced by the Jews of 19th century Poland.

A blanket could be used to separate the winners from the losers. With the exception of me, all men are losers, and only the winners are allowed under the blanket. Sorry, fellas, but there is...

I suspect I am a hooligan.

Some people would say it’s a bad idea to bring a fire-spider into a public library. Those people would probably be right, but it was better than leaving him alone in the house for nine...

I took a nap and used a napkin as a blanket. Obviously it was a small nap.

My parents would read those books to me as well but they used to make me starving when I was a kid because they were always eating ham sandwiches with the crusts off and drinking...

I hear Mr. Palmer tell Hannah that it was an electrical fault. Five arsonists in one school and it ends up being something so technically boring.

Any girl can be glamorous. All you have to do is stand still and look stupid.

Braden’s.

Come Hell or High Water” usually depends on the kind of plug you use in the bath tub

A blanket could be used to travel to exotic places. Just close your eyes and see for yourself.

I’d like to point out that we’ve had zero problem reaching each other’s mouths.

Nix had told Emma before she’d left for Europe that on this trip she would ‘do that which you were born to do.’ Apparently, Emma was born to get kidnapped by a deranged Lykae. Her...

A blanket could be used to show love, by providing warmth, comfort, and an itchiness of desire that cannot be satisfied by a single scratch.

Woman troubles, heartbreak, Twilight ending? Whatever bugs your mind.”-Jared

And sometimes when I’m feeling really evil, I read books or paint.

I rarely drink, but last night, after several hours and several beers at the bar, I found myself face to face with two huge boobs. They weren’t the breasts of a young woman, but those...

I check every can of Barbasol I buy for dinosaur embryos. I haven’t found any yet, as evidenced by the lack of T-Rex screams in my apartment.

Wisdom of the Ages: “Unsuccessful pick-up lines” ‘My parole ends today, let’s celebrate!

A classroom . People trying to stick me in classrooms was becoming as predictable and annoying as people trying to kill me, but with less-fun results.

I’m a whore!”Miki hit the brakes…her hands.. gripping the steering wheel, glanced at Sara. “You’re not wearing any underwear, are you?”Sara let out a strangled squeal…

[Kagura is doing laundry and tries to wring out Kyou’s shirt causing it to rip in two ]Kyo Sohma: Tell me what I think just happened didn’t just happen Kagura: My love !Kyo Sohma: My...

It was a full Spears album, apparently, and each song was as ridiculous as the one before. They were catchy, yes, but so was the plague.

You read a book for the story, for each of its words,” Gordy said, “and you draw your cartoons for the story, for each of the words and images. And, yeah, you need to take...

What happened?” he asked brusquely, interrupting me. “What do you mean, what happened?””I sensed your fear, heard you call out my name.””I…no, I didn’t.” Stone Wall, I told myself. Great Wall of China, around my...

A brick could be used to represent the state of Kansas. Both are flat, both are rectangular, both have tried to insert themselves up my anus, and both failed to penetrate me (though Kansas got...

Wehehehehell, if it isn’t Ollie-Ollie-oxidant-free…”You can take…all the tea in China…put it in a big brown…bag for me.He’s as sweet as tupelo honey; he’s an angel of the first degree.Men with insight…men in granite…knights in...

What was that you gave me to eat?” Winter panicked.A Filler Crisp,” Clover said, his eyes seventy percent concerned and thirty percent mischievous.

The cloud cover made for a terrible blanket.

Trust her; we girls are two sheets short of psycho when it comes to our special little time.

Man, Grandma, what big hair you have.””The better to style with, my dear.