A lot of lip service gets paid to being honest, but no one really wants to hear it unless what’s being said is the party line.

He is very dry but also very funny… I think people tend to feel odd when I do my act. Unless you are an ironic person, it’s not a good place for you to be.

A few years back, they jacked David Copperfield in West Palm Beach, for Chrissake. Yes, it’s funny: “Yo, empty your pockets,” and he pulls out a bunny rabbit. But it’s also depressing. If someone who...

It was tumultuous, it was crazy, but I would not trade it for anything.

Thank God for immigrants. They’re the only ones who have any personality left. They still allow themselves emotions, judgments, and all those qualities that we are “evolving” past. I don’t know what they’re saying, but...

My stand-up act? I combine the fact that the world is a violent place with the fact that each person is responsible for the situation they are in.

I think the world honestly would be a much healthier place if instead of trying to find rationalizations for our bad behavior we would just say, “I was an asshole. Sure, there were reasons behind...

So instead of talking about theoretical ways of ending the war and violence, I say that we have to get rid of the individual asholes in each office and situation.

The races are like America’s children. White people are the firstborn, so they were Dad’s favorite. Black people are the second kids, the abused ones, so they still hate Dad. Latinos are the third, caught...

Well… you know, I would wake up with a terrible hangover in a jail somewhere and worst part was that I would not know why I was there.

TV and movies are boring,

You know, the funny thing about Lorne and that show is that, you can go over one million things, but in a business of bean counters, he still likes to laugh at small things and...

My perception is that Jerry was a stand-up comedian for years and years,

If it had just been some femme fatale, I think this whole thing could have been settled. You know, if it had just been like a beautiful woman,

crooked smile (and say), ‘You’re going over there, huh?’ Be careful.’ OK, how do you suggest I do that, sir? Look both ways before I cross the Sunni Triangle?

We battled well and it was an excellent win.

Honesty buys you nothing at all in this school.