WHAT DO WE WANT?! PATIENCE! WHEN DO WE WANT IT?! NOW!

“So what’s your team called?” asked Kate, twisting her legs into a pretzel-like configuration, “We’re called the Winmates because we’re inmates who win.” Kate looked back and forth at Reynie and Constance, searching their expression...

What if I got hit by lightning while walking with an umbrella? Ban umbrellas! Fight the menace of lightning!

Now I know this is going to seem counter to every instinct that you have, but I’m going to ask you to sit still, or I’ll put you in the trunk.

This doesn’t mean you’re getting a discount.”Audrey heaved a mock sigh. “Oh well. I guess I’ll have to ply you with sexual favors, then.”Gnome choked on the soup. “I’m old enough to be your grandfather!”Audrey...

It’s equally my obligation as a comedian to point out what is wrong with us and get us talking about our problems as it is pointing out what’s wrong (with) the way, for example, the...

A man grows weary of having no lovers but his fingers.

Gideon could not imagine any other young unmarried woman of his acquaintance passing up the opportunity to snare, if not himself, then the Carradice fortune. In any case, the number of women who’d rejected him...

Every time we made love, one of us cried. Mostly it was me, out of joy, but occasionally it was her, out of despair.

(Sookie’s Thoughts on Debbie Pelt) she had been cruel to Alcide, insulted me grievously, burned a hole in my favorite wrap and—oh—tried to kill me by proxy. Also, she had stupid hair.

I think a cool band name would be War Dwarf. Of course, I’m entirely too tall and peaceful to be a member. Not to mention nonmusical.

Sometimes you feel in control, and it’s great, but sometimes you just don’t feel in control and you really have to struggle to get laughs.

A monster’s not a monster to another monster. At least that’s what I thought when I saw my mother-in-law talking to a statue of Stalin.

I just know.”-Luke and Clary, pg.209-

Love is a trampoline of the heart. It has its up, it has its downs, and I’m selling mine for $100.00—only been jumped on once.

What’s so funny?””-Sorry,” David said, reddening again. “You just taste so sweet.””-What do you mean, sweet?”He licked his bottom lip one more time.”-You taste like honey.””-Honey?””-Yeah, I thought I was going nuts the day…well, you...

You’re late.” I stopped, my jaw open and slack, because I knew she was right. I was late—but for what? I was late for love.

How’s that a duel?””He who can still sing after the most drinks is winner. Plus, soon’ everyone is so drunk that they forget what argument was about.”Teft laughed. “Beats knives at dawn, I suppose.

A bear trap eats, but does not drink. My love, however, drinks, but does not eat.

We have in the last two years, we have passed 350 legislation in the parliament, most of which deal with democratization, human rights, and of course, economy.

My car would look better with a mustache for a bumper. Then pedestrians would know that I am a superior lover, just before I hit on them.

Yeah, it’s a kodak moment. Quick, take a picture.Sarah scoffs. I stick my tongue out at her.

I just yawned. Now that is exciting. Almost as thrilling as making love to me thirty minutes after I’ve fallen asleep.

It’s just amazing how long this country has been going to hell without ever having got there.

We spent the whole evening conversing like I was mute and she was deaf. I didn’t talk and she didn’t listen, and that’s what made me think we might be in love.

He executed his commission with great promptitude and dispatch, only calling at one public-house for half a minute, and even that might be said to be in his way, for he went in at one...

You gotta run more than your mouth to escape the treadmill of mediocrity. A true hustler jogs during the day, and sleepwalks at night.

Got plans for the rest of the day?”I looked back at him and my heart just stopped. Then it just started again thudding erratically. What the hell does that mean? I feel like I’m having...

Great minds think alike-especially when they are female.

The coffee’s done? I LOVE IT WHEN THE COFFEE’S DONE!

My mother was like a sister to me, only we didn’t have sex quite so often.

The Brit’s face shares a heritage with a junkyard butt-sniffing mutt. It’s a hard-earned moonshine mug, dotted with a hairy mole that looks like a rat’s been gnawing on it. His beard looks like a...

She didn’t care that people called her a bitch. ‘It’s just another word for feminist,’ she told me with pride.

Is there any good news?’ Tesla said.Who ever promised that? Who ever said there’d be good news?

I said I’d drive to her place. But she lives in her car, so I don’t see why she couldn’t just drive her place to my place.

She was teaching Lilykit and Seedkit how to reach under the wall of the warriors’ den and catch stray tails yesterday.

Barzûl!

Don’t look now, but that’s my ex over there.”Surely I’m not the only one who takes “don’t look now” as “there’s no better time than now.” I looked.”Bad, Ali!” Another slap to my arm. “Bad,...

Fanya kazi kwa bidii na maarifa!

A brick could be used to replace the brother you never had. Well, it’s only a possibility, but you probably won’t like it, because as soon as your parents gain another child, you’ll quickly find...

I love being in love, but I also love other things, like not being jealous, overly sensitive, or needy.

A blanket could be used to stop a train. Another good thing to use would be brakes. I’ll sell you a set of train breaks for the price of a warm night’s sleep.

I tore off another chuck of muffin and stared down at my chest. I shrugged and dabbed the muffin in the cum and popped it in my mouth. “I can’t believe you just did that!”...

A blanket could be used for a soft opening of a new casino. The softer the better, I always say. Well, I don’t always say that. I say other stuff too.

Look, why don’t you go talk to Ron about all this?” Harry asked.”Well, I would, but he’s always asleep when I go and see him!” said Lavender fretfully.”Is he?” said Harry, surprised, for he had...

Randy lay there like a slug. It was his only defense.

You’re nice.” He sounds pleased, as if he hadn’t expected this aspect of my personality.

Hackers are nerdy, pasty, tubby, little geeks with triple thick glasses and this is probably a demented otaku with smelly feet. So catching him will be a breeze!

A blanket cold be used as truth. At least it’s so warm, it must be used that way.

A ham sandwich is better than nothing. Nothing is better than eternal happiness. So eternal happiness is beaten by a ham sandwich.