Quotes.wiki
  • Home
  • Tags
  • Authors
  • Contact Us
">
Quotes.wiki
Quotes.wiki
  • Home
  • Tags
  • Authors
  • Contact Us
Humorist  Quotes
The difficulty with humorists is that they will mix what they believe with what they don’t—whichever seems likelier to win an effect.

—John Updike

1 Star2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars (No Ratings Yet)
Loading...
1960BeliefComedian
Facebooktwitterredditpinterestlinkedintumblr
Is a picture really worth a thousand words? What thousand words? A thousand words from a lunatic, or a thousand words from Nietzsche? Actually, Nietzsche was a lunatic, but you see my point. What about...

—Jarod Kintz

1 Star2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars (No Ratings Yet)
Loading...
AphorismAppreciateAppreciation
Facebooktwitterredditpinterestlinkedintumblr
Wisdom of the Ages: “Look out Below!” Air Asia’s catchy new advertising slogan.

—Matthew Heines

1 Star2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars (No Ratings Yet)
Loading...
FunnyFunny-But-SadHumor
Facebooktwitterredditpinterestlinkedintumblr
You gave me a dead frog for my birthday!- To remind you we all die and end up rotting underground eaten by maggots so we should enjoy our birthdays while we have them. I found...

—Soman Chainani

1 Star2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars (No Ratings Yet)
Loading...
HumoristHumorousLol
Facebooktwitterredditpinterestlinkedintumblr
What I look forward to is continued immaturity followed by death.

—Dave Barry

1 Star2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars (No Ratings Yet)
Loading...
ColumnistDeathHumorist
Facebooktwitterredditpinterestlinkedintumblr
Wisdom of the Ages: “Humility” If you don’t have it, you’re gonna get it.

—Matthew Heines

1 Star2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars (No Ratings Yet)
Loading...
FunnyFunny-But-TrueHumility
Facebooktwitterredditpinterestlinkedintumblr
A year ago I came here without a nickle in my pocket, now, I’ve got a nickle in my pocket.

—Groucho Marx

1 Star2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars (No Ratings Yet)
Loading...
Human-NatureHumorHumorist
Facebooktwitterredditpinterestlinkedintumblr
Wisdom of the Ages: “The Pope and Congress” It looks as if confidence in the American voter to exorcise the demons in the Capitol has completely fallen through.

—Matthew Heines

1 Star2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars (No Ratings Yet)
Loading...
FunnyFunny-But-SadFunny-Stuff
Facebooktwitterredditpinterestlinkedintumblr
Randy lay there like a slug. It was his only defense.

—Jean Shepherd

1 Star2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars (No Ratings Yet)
Loading...
FunnyHumorHumorist
Facebooktwitterredditpinterestlinkedintumblr
Wisdom of the Ages: “Valentine’s Day” Because she never forgets, especially if you do.

—Matthew Heines

1 Star2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars (No Ratings Yet)
Loading...
FunnyFunny-But-TrueHumorist
Facebooktwitterredditpinterestlinkedintumblr
If you’re too serious to make life a laughing matter, then you seriously need to make laughter matter to you today and every day!

—Jeannine M.

1 Star2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars (No Ratings Yet)
Loading...
HumoristInspirational-AttitudeWellness
Facebooktwitterredditpinterestlinkedintumblr
Wisdom of the Ages: “National Symbol” With the preponderance of lawyers, banksters, arms, drug and tobacco dealers in our government, shouldn’t our national symbol be changed from the eagle to the vulture?

—Matthew Heines

1 Star2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars (No Ratings Yet)
Loading...
FunnyFunny-But-SadFunny-But-True
Facebooktwitterredditpinterestlinkedintumblr
I was a lazy reader as a kid. One nutrition label on a box of Cap’n Crunch and I’d have to take a nap.

—M.J. McGuire

1 Star2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars (No Ratings Yet)
Loading...
CerealComedyFunny
Facebooktwitterredditpinterestlinkedintumblr
Wisdom of the Ages “US News Media” If the devil is the father of all lies, isn’t the US News Media their bitchy stepmother?

—Matthew Heines

1 Star2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars (No Ratings Yet)
Loading...
FunnyFunny-But-SadFunny-But-True
Facebooktwitterredditpinterestlinkedintumblr
How am I going to explain to my kids one day that I can’t buy them a happy meal because the toy will make them fat?

—Carroll Bryant

1 Star2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars (No Ratings Yet)
Loading...
FunnyFunny-HumorFunny-Satire
Facebooktwitterredditpinterestlinkedintumblr
I recommend you don’t attend the wheat and chaff bonfire.

—M.J. McGuire

1 Star2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars (No Ratings Yet)
Loading...
ChristianityFunnyHumor
Facebooktwitterredditpinterestlinkedintumblr
Wisdom of the Ages “Unsuccessful Town Slogans” Sequim (WA)- “We put the Dung in Dungeness.

—Matthew Heines

1 Star2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars (No Ratings Yet)
Loading...
FunnyFunny-But-SadFunny-Humor
Facebooktwitterredditpinterestlinkedintumblr
Today I feel like I did tomorrow.

—Carroll Bryant

1 Star2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars (No Ratings Yet)
Loading...
ComedyComedy-HumorHumor
Facebooktwitterredditpinterestlinkedintumblr
The fool has said in his heart: pass me another Everlasting God-Stopper, please.

—M.J. McGuire

1 Star2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars (No Ratings Yet)
Loading...
Christianity-Religion-AtheismFunnyHumor
Facebooktwitterredditpinterestlinkedintumblr
Wisdom of the Ages: “Government” Like a mafia protection racket-without the protection.

—Matthew Heines

1 Star2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars (No Ratings Yet)
Loading...
FunnyFunny-But-SadHumor
Facebooktwitterredditpinterestlinkedintumblr
Knowledge may be power, but half of what I know I wish I could forget.

—Carroll Bryant

1 Star2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars (No Ratings Yet)
Loading...
Comedy-HumorComicalHumor
Facebooktwitterredditpinterestlinkedintumblr
Wisdom of the Ages: “Brian Williams” This guy gets around more than Brian Wilson and the Beach Boys, but this time, I think he’s gone too far. Unfortunately, I can’t put a cover of my...

—Matthew Heines

1 Star2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars (No Ratings Yet)
Loading...
FunnyFunny-But-TrueHumorist
Facebooktwitterredditpinterestlinkedintumblr
Wisdom of the Ages: “Unsuccessful pick-up lines” ‘My parole ends today, let’s celebrate!

—Matthew Heines

1 Star2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars (No Ratings Yet)
Loading...
FunnyHumoristHumorous
Facebooktwitterredditpinterestlinkedintumblr
I believe in love. Unfortunately, it doesn’t believe me. Lust, on the other hand, is a nagging wife poking constantly at my DNA.

—Carroll Bryant

1 Star2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars (No Ratings Yet)
Loading...
HumorHumoristHumourous
Facebooktwitterredditpinterestlinkedintumblr
Wisdom of the Ages: “Brian Williams Week” Now that NBC is giving him a sixth month “leave” I wonder if he will be “Killing Time-In Saudi Arabia!

—Matthew Heines

1 Star2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars (No Ratings Yet)
Loading...
FunnyFunny-HumorFunny-Stuff
Facebooktwitterredditpinterestlinkedintumblr
Wisdom of the Ages: “Women” Any culture that has supported the education, rights and sanctity of women has dominated those cultures who have not. As Lycurgus the Spartan lawgiver once said, “Strong women make strong...

—Matthew Heines

1 Star2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars (No Ratings Yet)
Loading...
FunnyFunny-But-TrueHumorist
Facebooktwitterredditpinterestlinkedintumblr
This is not a novel to be tossed aside lightly. It should be thrown with great force.

—Dorothy Parker

1 Star2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars (No Ratings Yet)
Loading...
AttributedBad-ReviewsBook
Facebooktwitterredditpinterestlinkedintumblr
Wisdom of the Ages: “Forgiveness” Steroids for the Soul.

—Matthew Heines

1 Star2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars (No Ratings Yet)
Loading...
ForgivenessFunnyFunny-But-True
Facebooktwitterredditpinterestlinkedintumblr
  • Terms of Service
  • Privacy Policy
  • About us

Copyright © 2017 - 2020 TR Marketing Group, Inc. All rights reserved.

Do Not Sell My Personal Information

Exercise your consumer rights by contacting us below Privacy Policy

[email protected]

Personalized advertisements

Turning this off will opt you out of personalized advertisements delivered from Google on this website.

CookiePro
Confirm
Popup Button popup close button