I should learn patience, it’s a shame there’s no time for that.

You might as well laugh at yourself,everyone else is.

Peace ain’t worth fighting for.

Pretty average headlines for a worldwide catastrophe,” Jane remarked as she read from Hollywood’s Highest. “Some man in Africa claimed to have found the cure for AIDS, yet another politician said something about the president...

The other shoppers were too well behaved to stare at the green-headed stoner and the tear-streaked lady zigzagging up the aisles with a chubby bearded guy scurrying behind them picking up the things they dropped.

Regretfully, but I have to admit that A. Einstein was right. -”Who?”. Oh, there was such a guy…

Can’t say what impresses me most about my followers – their good looks, their incredible intellects, or their immunity to cheap flattery.

Even You-Know-Who can’t split himself into seven.

Irony is an insult conveyed in the form of a compliment

There’s no such thing as an ex-marine.

Don’t underestimate the value of irony—it is extremely valuable.

It would be dreadfullyironic, I mused, if once I earned a soul, I forgot everything about being fey, including all my memories of her. That sort of ending seemedappropriately tragic; the smitten fey creature becomes...

Hell’s bells, irony blows.

In league with being graced by greatness, prepare to be greeted, by all that is beneath you.

Se os mortos vão depressa, os velhos ainda vão mais depressa que os mortos… Viva a mocidade!

If heaven was hot and hell was chilly, tell me, why would you go to heaven?

What do you think the Order is going to do?” he asks. “Help us open a door to Hell, if we’re lucky,” I reply. Lucky. Ha ha. The irony.

Aló, ,con la Casa de la Cultura?- Sí conchetumadre.

So such is life that it writes itself, trying to right itself, but there’s nothing wrong with it.

Irony of the world is that it wants to simplify the complexity and complicate the simplicity.

I must be overtired’, Buttercup managed. ‘The excitement and all.”Rest then’, her mother cautioned. ‘Terrible things can happen when you’re overtired. I was overtired the night your father proposed.

The ironist is ironical not because he does not care, but because he cares too much.

(About sweeping)….What he was in FACT doing was moving the dirt around with a broom, to give it a change of scenery and a chance to make new friends.

The worst mistake a writer can make is to assume everyone has an imagination.

sometimes when everything seems atits worstwhen all conspiresand gnawsand the hours, days, weeksyearsseem wasted – stretched there upon my bedin the darklooking upward at the ceilingi get what many will consider anobnoxious thought:it’s still nice...

When the Washington Post telephoned me at home on Valentine’s Day 1989 to ask my opinion about the Ayatollah Khomeini’s fatwah, I felt at once that here was something that completely committed me. It was,...

The pages of history are red with the blood of illuminated “saints” who were murdered by their religions for actually achieving the advertised spiritual rewards.

When it comes to judging individuals, I do not like remarks such as ‘too good to be true.’ They speak as though one is rewarding the nature of evil. Yet, ironically, we still wonder where...

God, what a ghastly enterprise to be in, though–and what an odd way to achieve success. I’m an exhibitionist who wants to hide, but is unsuccessful at hiding; therefore, somehow I succeed.

It is a truth widely recognized that tyranny stems from the consent of the governed as much as democracy does.

There’s a lot of irony in that, isn’t there?

The next morning I had Twentieth-Century American Poetry at MCC. This old woman gave a lecture wherein she managed to talk for ninety minutes about Sylvia Plath without ever once quoting a single word of...

Simply put, dramatic irony is when a person makes a harmless remark, and someone else who hears it knows something that makes the remark have a different, and usually unpleasant, meaning. For instance, if you...

Marcus and Ellie exchanged a worried look and examined the bag again. Sure enough, the gold was gone.

Imagine the wizened quality of a life blanched of contradiction and double standard.p 44

Poets speak of hope in ladies smiles, but give me a smirk any day, I say.

i do not give a sh*t, the toilet miss me now

We are at the tail end of a decline in infant mortality that began just over a century ago. Babies no longer wander into open hearths or are mauled by marauding pigs. We have vaccines,...

Honestly, I don’t understand why people get so worked up about a little murder!

I will never lie again.

Users are a double-edged sword. They can help you improve your language, but they can also deter you from improving. So choose your users carefully, and be slow to grow their number. Having users is...

All of which does not alter the fact that Pnin was on the wrong train.

Scriptures, n. The sacred books of our holy religion, as distinguished from the false and profane writings on which all other faiths are based.

Those darling byegone times, Mr Carker,’ said Cleopatra, ‘with their delicious fortresses, and their dear old dungeons, and their delightful places of torture, and their romantic vengeances, and their picturesque assaults and sieges, and everything...

…it’s just another one of those things I don’t understand: everyone impresses upon you how unique you are, encouraging you to cultivate your individuality while at the same time trying to squish you and everyone...

Now that’s true poetic irony. I rush into battle to defend the fair name of Rose Larkin, and what does she do but fetch Robert to stop me.

Dream Song of Thunders:Sometimes I go about pitying Myself, While I am carried by the wind Across the sky.

I used the boos, and not the booze, as motivation. That led to applause, which I drank up like an alcoholic. I need a refill.

I can be humbler than anyone.

On construction sites. Is that coffee ready?