What happened?” he demanded. “I heard an explosion!””Yeah.That was me. I set the boat alight.””What?””I set fire to the boat.””But we’re on the boat!””I know.

Is that so? I would say I was averagely arrogant

Sometimes I feel so sick at the state of the world I can’t even finish my second apple pie.

In fact,’ said Poirot, ‘she stabbed him in the dark, not realising that he was dead already, but somehow deduced that he had a watch in his pyjama pocket, took it out, put back the...

Oh, poor, poor fellow!’ said Mrs. Elliot with a remorse that was sincere, though her congratulations would not have been.

Oh, adjust yourself. You people have spent ten millennia playing at soldiers while becoming ever more dedicated civilians. We’ve spent the last thousand years trying hard to stay civilian while refining the legacy of a...

Well, OK then.” He narrowed his eyes. “How about you? Do you have any…romances I should know about?””Nope. Not one.””Well, good. Excellent. There’ll be plenty of time for boys when you leave college and become...

The city of Leonia refashions itself every day: every morning the people wake between fresh sheets, wash with just-unwrapped cakes of soap, wear brand-new clothing, take from the latest model refrigerator still unopened tins, listening...

Man, you are one butt-load of sunshine, let me tell you.

Sarcasm creates a chasm between yourself and others.

Resilience, thy name is Devine.

Be nice to people on your way up, because you’ll land on them on your way down

I could just hear my mom now, “You know those old candy cigarettes are bad for you. Next thing you know, you’ll be drinking alcohol, and they’ll find you dead in a ditch somewhere. I’ll...

Ask me no questions, and I’ll tell you no fibs.

If you are reading this, I’m dead. Don’t celebrate too much. Jesus is watching.

Do I look like the kind of person who wastes time turning goats into pin cushions?

We both want you dead. I’m bringing the friendship bracelets to the next meeting.

How does knowing ‘things could be worse’ than what I already deem is awful make me feel any better? You mean I could sink even lower? Oh joy!

Judging from the unfamiliar number, I assumed the text came from Shannon. If not, I would see who came by my house at 4:30 and go with it. Maybe it would be Mr. Darcy coming...

Goody. That must be why they were looking for a 22-caliber anything when they came by with their search warrant this morning.”They didn’t!”They did.”When?”Oddly enough, right before I upped my meds.

Who the hell is that?!Some call her Satan. Others, Beelzebub. She goes by many names.

It’s bad enough barging into Guild property, but we’ll get into really serious trouble if we shoot anyone. Lord Vetinari won’t stop at sarcasm. He might use’ – Colon swallowed – ‘irony.

Am dining at Goldini’s Restaurant, Gloucester Road, Kensington. Please come at once and join me there. Bring with you a jemmy, a dark lantern, a chisel, and a revolver. S. H.” It was a nice...

A diary with no drawings of me in it? Where are the torrid fantasies? The romance covers?

What – what – what are you doing?” he demanded.”I am almost six hundred years old,” Magnus claimed, and Ragnor snorted, since Magnus changed his age to suit himself every few weeks. Magnus swept on....

I believe no satirist could breathe this air. If another Juvenal or Swift could rise up among us tomorrow, he would be hunted down. If you have any knowledge of our literature, and can give...

Do you remember me telling you we are practicing non-verbal spells, Potter?””Yes,” said Harry stiffly.”Yes, sir.””There’s no need to call me “sir” Professor.”The words had escaped him before he knew what he was saying.

Comparing penis sizes is a much more nuanced and sophisticated way to determine who’s right than something as clunky and uncouth as a debate.

A slinky is a toy made for stairs, but that’s entirely too tiresome. What about a toy for escalators that doesn’t move and does nothing and that’s the whole point? I think Americans would relate...

Since I’ve moved here, you have shown up at my door eight times. I obey the laws, I pay my taxes, and I haven’t even gotten a parking ticket in my entire time as a...

Don’t worry about it; only worry about how people like her breed.

It’s funny, ma’am, how sometimes you’re so sarcastic but it doesn’t sting.””Because of my dimples. Dimples are a get-out-of-jail-free card

You don’t have to make fun of it.””Actually I do,” I said. “I make fun of almost everything.

For the first time, but certainly not the last, I began to believe that Arsenal’s moods and fortunes somehow reflected my own

it’s a losing battle at this point,but so was the alamo

Was she on some sort of Candid Camera version of This is Your Sucky Love Life?

How are you feeling?”I leaned away from him. “Gross.”Aiden frowned. “Gross?””I haven’t brushed my teeth or washed my face in days. Don’t come near me.”He laughed. “Alex, come on.””Seriously, I’m gross.” I put my hand...

Exactly,” she agreed.

Oh, no” Emily laughed .”No, I don’t know what that is.

And I know I’m sarcastic and defensive and I make a joke out of everything and am highly resistant to anything that reeks of sentimental corniness, but I’m giving you my heart anyway because being...

Were you born stupid, Heinrich, or did you have to study?

Could you please stop dripping your sarcasm all over my car’s interior?

I don’t know how you persist in being so stubborn-“”It’s a superpower. I was bitten by a radioactive mule.

At one time, the treatment for a certain kind of psychosis had been to push an ice pick up through the orbit of the eye, into the frontal lobe; the ice pick was then stirred...

Everything I write is personal, really. Even when I’m sarcastic, it’s quite personal. And on this record, from the production to the singing to the performances, I got it really honest. To the modern ear,...

What did Isabelle want?” Jace asked.Alec hesitated. “Isabelle says the Queen of the Seelie Court has requested an audience with us.””Sure,” said Magnus. “And Madonna wants me as a backup dancer on her next world...

He shook his head,’Fuck, you say such fucking weird things.”Is that still your favourite word?’ asked Isola interestedly, ‘I like “verisimilitude”. Tolkein said the most beautiful English phrase is “cellar door”,

And here I was thinking you were a bit slow, what with so much asking and not knowing anything.

The sarcasm made a slight whistling noise as it flew over Loafers’ head.

They say sarcasm is the lowest form of wit,” Valkyrie said. China glanced at her. “They’ve obviously never met me.