And have your mother put my head on a stake? Do you have any notion what that would do to my handsome good looks?

Love doesn’t have form (aside from your naked body), but it does have a shape. The shape of love is circular, like a STOP sign.

We have to actually choose a name,” Kane murmured above her head. “We can’t keep calling him ‘baby.’ When he’s fifteen he might resent it.

Percy: Put your cap back on… get out! Annabeth: What? No! I’m not leaving you. Percy: I’ve got a plan. I’ll distract them. You can use the metal spider… maybe it’ll lead you back to...

Curiously enough, the only thing that went through the mind of the bowl of petunias as it fell was Oh no, not again. Many people have speculated that if we knew exactly why the bowl...

Life is a beautiful thing. Plant it in the ground, and it blooms into opportunity, capice?

Blankets make great traps for the clinically insane, but a straightjacket might work better.

The decor was attractive and strong, but blander than she would have thought his wealth and position afforded him. Caren couldn’t see the point of having that much money if all of it led to...

Our love was soggy, like the biscuits I forgot to take out of the bathtub.

Staying relaxed was helping him cope with the drug induced juddering vision that could be best described as being like a Hitchcockian visual effect operated by a hyperactive squirrel that shook the whole universe closer...

Not just in America. When I left my primary school, my father said, ‘Son, you are now a man,’ then he gave me a scented candle and told me how babies are made.” Vik fought...

The first ten million years were the worst,” said Marvin, “and the second ten million years, they were the worst too. The third ten million years I didn’t enjoy at all. After that I went...

It took Pueblo a few seconds to take in his surroundings. The first thing he realised was that he felt bruised all over; the second was that his clothes were waterlogged, even more than before,...

At the last parent visitation night I’d sorta accidentally watched a majorly nightmarish scene between Aphrodite and her parents. Her dad’s the mayor of Tulsa. Her mom might be Satan.

In my opinion, we don’t devote nearly enough scientific research to finding a cure for jerks.

A brick could be used to foretell the future. But I’m the only one alive who knows how to make it work, and my occult knowledge can be rented out to you for $9.99 per...

If counting is thinking, then the longest I’ve ever thought about any one subject continuously for is 127, 983 seconds. I might have also been in love, though I was too distracted to notice.

Well”, Fang said, mimicking a thick Southern drawl. “I must say its mighty nice of them Daimons to clean up after themselves when you kill them” He held his hands up to them. “Look Ma,...

Life is all about exploring yourself, discovering yourself and grooming yourself, then you will surely stop negative thinking.

That demon will trick you faster than a politician with a liquor license.

Red hair, sir, in my opinion, is dangerous.

I like maxims that don’t encourage behavior modification.-Calvin

The worst part about clones is you could be both innocent and guilty at the same time. I didn’t do it—but I did, in the form of my clone.

Geez, you guys. I know I’m popular and all, but seriously, you’re a bit too co-dependent for me. I’m going to need you to step away from my personal bubble.” A wispy vine-woman curled ivy...

A girl can dream can’t she? My new life plan is to stumble into every office of a CEO until I find a Christian Grey.

I’d lick the water out of your bathtub, just to prove I love you—and that I’m not a cat.

There is no pathos more bitter than that of parting from someone we have never met.

Shouting something didn’t make it any more possible.

A brick could be used for good, or for evil. The Brick of Creation, or the Brick of Destruction. While you’re deep in thought, contemplating which one you’d rather use, I’ll be over there looting...

A brick could be used to help defeat all incumbent politicians whose last name starts with Brj and anything after that alphabetically. Since people tend to vote for the first one on the ballot, Brick...

The Queen’s Pride was his ship, and he loved her. (That was the way his sentences always went: It is raining today and I love you. My cold is better and I love you. Say...

Based on the questions we both answered, we’re a 0% love match. That means we’re 100% compatible, once I enlighten her to the correct perspective on life.

I’m like a sexually active bumper sticker. Canned vagina is always so hard to open and eat. Honk if you’re a lover—and in a hurry.

Bicky rocked, like a jelly in a high wind.

Failure is not an option. It just happens all the time. Like, all the time.

When I need to be in two places at once, make two decisions at once, that’s what clones are for.

A blanket could be used as an American flag. It could keep the world warm with its patronizing patriotism and imperialism.

Tyson was still staring at Chiron in amazement. He whimpered like he wanted to pat Chiron’s flank but was afraid to come closer. “Pony?

The Rockies are the backbone of this country. And I’m no doctor, but I think we have scoliosis.

I will protect you,” she promised the Bosendorfer inside. “I won’t let you down.”Sophie gave her a quizzical look.”Bastards better not hurt my piano,” Miranda replied.”That’s what you’re worried about right now? What about your...

Girls do go for the finely-chiselled. And apart from his looks, he’s and artist, and there’s something about artists that seems to act on the other sex like catnip on cats.

I do not do free e-books. I occasionally like to eat that thing you people call “food”.

I can’t tell my ass from a hole in the ground. Especially if that hole is hairy and emits foul odors.

Who knows what goes on in the mind of a cat?

We heard the army before we saw it.The noise was like a cannon barrage combined with a football stadium crowd- like every Patriots fan in New England was charging us with bazookas.

Love one person at a time, that’s the motto I’ll try to get my clones to live by.

Vanity might be a “sin” according to some lights, but he thought in measured doses it was one of life’s allowable simple pleasures. It helped everyone get through their days.

Hell may have all the best composers, but heaven has all the best choreographers.

Great. This girl was going to seriously mess with my ability to stay on parole. ~Maggie Mae Castro

My definition of dictionary can’t be found in the dictionary. Dictionary—A linguistic prison, confining words to well-defined cells, with little chance of parole.