*You only get one chance to make a first impression.* Ah, whatever!!! Who said you get three chances to make the second impression?!!

Being rich is an untalented artist’s consolation prize.

Thanks to arranged marriages: There are countless women who have never been their husband’s girlfriend.

Some kid asked what a dilemma is. And I replied: When a starving man has to choose between a plate of food, and, a roll of toilet paper.

Life is merely one very long day that routinely gets dark to give people a sensible excuse to keep their eyes closed for 8 hours.

While having one’s assertions challenged might be bad for an unintelligent man’s ego; it sure is good for his intellect.

Social networking platforms made it unnecessary to know people to know people.

Facebook gives people an illusory sense of being LIKED.

Politics and Sport were invented to give unknowledgeable people an opportunity to share their knowledge.

What to wear: An employee chooses. How to dress: His employer chose.

There is absolutely nothing feminine about the colour pink, or, anything bad-luck’ish about the colour black — in itself.

We can’t all be comedians, some people have to do the laughing.

To become richer, earn more. To appear richer, move into a poorer neighborhood.

Worry is to human beings … what a condom is to a man with erectile dysfunction.

Employees go to school for 12 – 18 years merely to impress prospect employers in a 12 – 18 minutes interview.

A genius is a grown-up that did not grow up.

Smartphones are tools which fools fiddle with when they are around people that they don’t have the courage, or, the intellect, to converse with.

The news is glorified gossip.

Not every happy person is married, and, Not every married person is happy.

12% of dreams create jobs. 88% of jobs destroy dreams.

There is more to life than making a living. Do not work more than you live.

Retro is a symptom of a generation that is too lazy to innovate.

The present is the closest that you will ever get to the future.

Grandchildren are their grandparents’ toys.

In a society that prioritizes man’s health, a cleaner is more important than a lawyer.

Virginity comes standard. A good head is earned.

Religion makes people kill each other. Science supplies them with weapons.

Life isn’t really short. There are just too many good books to read in one lifetime.

Thou shalt not follow someone, merely because they are following you.

Prostitutes are paid for taking their clothes off. Celebrities are paid for putting others’ clothes on.

Reality is what people who lack vision see.

There really is no correlation between age and one’s bank balance. I’ve met wealthy boys and broke men.

A writer is merely a reader that had the guts to be read, and, heard.

When a man’s girlfriend’s parents ask him what it is that he does for a living: they’re not really concerned about him; they’re concerned about their daughter’s tummy.

To most Americans, a dog is a potential mate. To some Chinese, a dog is potential meat.

Growing up is childish.

You don’t tell a boy that he is a boy. You simply act like a man.

When a man cheats, it is said it is because he is a dog. When a woman cheats, it is said it is because her man is a dog.

A moral judgment of abortion is the usage of a man-made ideology to judge a man-made technology.

What ‘primitive’ men called gossip, ‘civilized’ men call news.

Getting older comes with abilities. Being old comes with disabilities.

School is a factory where the raw material called student is turned into a product called employee.

Beliefs are conclusions reached by men who are lazy to think for themselves.

To put an arrogant ‘famous’ writer in his place: pretend to be illiterate.

When coming to sex: First served, first come.

If working-hours were natural, then employed men would only get erections between 5 p.m. and 9 a.m. … during the week.

When coming to making kids: Size doesn’t count, it’s sperm count that counts.

A diploma is a piece of paper that is used to acquire another piece of paper: an employment contract.

Worrying about what happened on Monday, or, what might happen on Wednesday, is at the expense of one’s Tuesday.

To be a prosperous pastor one needs: (1) a bible (2) a tailored suit; and (3) a few psychology books.