It’s easier to win an argument over a dinner you’re paying for.

If you want to keep people happy, just keep the food and entertainment rolling.

Just got done giving my cat a haircut and eating dinner. The two events are unrelated, though I might cough up a hairball later on.

If you see me sitting at a dining room table with a clean plate and bowl in front of me, you’ll know it’s because I’m a starving artist. I’m also thirsty, as my cup is...

Badger hates Society, and invitations, and dinner, and all that sort of thing.

She burst in the door, I burst into song, and he burst into flames. Our love triangle turned into dinner for two featuring roasted marshmallows.

Luxury lives in the finer details. It’s a cloth napkin at a dinner table. It’s a mint on your pillow before bed.

The best part about a murder mystery dinner, of course, is the dinner. I make a killer Bubble and squeak, if you know what I mean. The mystery, of course, is what’s in the dinner.

The world is full of unrequited love,’ I said finally.’You and Patrick having problems?’ Dad said, reaching around to get the butter out of the fridge.’No, I was just wondering what you would say if...

Dinner was served on mismatched plates with paper napkins and silverware that looked like it had been stolen from a school cafeteria. The spaghetti was from a box that was still poking out of the...

I had a dream about you. We were out to dinner at some place fancy, like the Library of Congress. I ate a thick, rare James Joyce novel, and you ate a pig that looked...

Meatloaf is graphable in how far ahead it is in likeability categories. You can also play Mop the Floor with it. I make love like I make dinner that makes cleaning the kitchen more fun...

There is nothing that makes me happier than sitting around the dinner table and talking until the candles are burned down.

How often have the greatest thoughts and ideas come to light during conversations with the family over the evening dinner?

To me, the perfect date consists of dinner, dancing, and sex with a girl who has no stomach or legs, but does have an overactive sex drive.

Yes, ma’am, I will take seconds. Your dinner tastes like excrement. I scream, you scream, we all scream for excrement.

Dinner for me is usually some version of chicken or fish – I love salmon – with grilled vegetables and salad.

I’d hang a walrus on my wall, and I’d name him Russ. But I’m not a hunter—I’m a lover and a fisherman. Dinner will be ready in ten minutes, if you want to take off...

I replaced my wife with an empty chair, so I wouldn’t be poisoned at dinner. And I’m still alive, so I’d say it was a genius tactical strategy.

I make love like I make dinner. I order take out.

One consequential change is that people used to get most of their calories at breakfast and midday, with only the evening top-up at suppertime. Now those intakes are almost exactly reversed. Most of us consume...

I had a dream about you. I smiled and you waved, and it’s unfortunate that neither one of these gestures was directed at each other. The person I was smiling at was the same person...

We made love like a goat has four legs like a table. If your dining room table can walk, it’s best to eat while sitting in wheelchairs.

I think I was first choice for the part. I don’t know – that’s what they always tell you anyway. I didn’t have to do any audition for the part. Sam saw me in Dinner...

That´s the problem with planning a late night supper after the opera, not only does the hero or the heroine die singing, but you end up famished after the last notes of the finale.

Let us embrace each other like we have the arms of two chairs. Let us dance like our legs are those of a table. We should do dinner sometime.

Some men eat dinner with silverware. Some use chopsticks. I prefer zippers.

I think Ian McKellen made it all happen, because he used to throw dinner parties and invite everyone over.

Do you mind if I use your bathroom? I haven’t made dinner yet.

I had some Mexican for dinner. Who knew cannibalism could be so tasty?

I love microwave dinners. I also like eating other appliances, like fridges and dishwashers.

I go to eat dinner with my folks when I’m home. I think that’s the trick.

Two become one when two are in love—or when the waitress asks about our dinner bill. I’ll pay next time, I promise.

Sex!” She must be one freaky nymphomaniac, because everything she says is carefully designed to get me thinking about sex.

I could just have chips and salsa for dinner every day.

Democracy was supposed to champion freedom of speech, and yet the simple rules of table decorum could clamp down on the rights their forefathers had fought and died for.

Dinner was a riot, but the food was bland, so I doused it with pepper spray. The chef wanted to protest, but he didn’t, because I had the pepper spray.

You made me dinner, so I made myself vomit—twice. Once to clear some room in my full stomach so I could eat, and the second time as an expression of what I thought about your...

Planning a dinner party in a way that you’re actually capable of getting it done without panicking is important. It’s bad hospitality for the host to be freaked out.

I prefer kissing over dinner. Not that I prefer kissing to dinner, but I prefer kissing over the plate containing my dinner, especially if my dinner consists of something romantic like monkey brains.

Falling in love is like falling into the arms of a starving cannibal. It’s the only time when dinner for two is dinner for one.

Dinner for two is dinner for one, when one of the two is a cannibal.

My brother never had me to dinner in his life.

I’d prefer going on a date with 10 women at once. Not only might I get a bulk discount at the restaurant, but it’s like a group interview. I think the ladies would appreciate my...

The three of us met to discuss dinner over sandwiches, and I decided I liked them. The sandwiches, not the people. I hated those fucking people.

I am different – if you can find another like me, then I will buy you dinner!

Dinner was great, but I could go for dessert.

I’ll just be sitting down having dinner with girlfriends or something and people come up and ruin the dinner.

Smaller plates discourage gluttony. But so does dining with dwarves.

Except for cases that clearly involve a homicidal maniac, the police like to believe murders are committed by those we know and love, and most of the time they’re right – a chilling thought when...