Some people are born to be bronze medalists. And sometimes the only reason they get third place is because there aren’t more competitors in the race to place ahead of them.

His mouth captured hers, trying to show her with his kiss what he was still learning to express in words. He loved her.He worshipped her. He’d walk across fire for her. He——still had the audience...

Sometimes the only way to succeed is to fail backwards

When I was growing up I always wanted to be someone. Now I realize I should have been more specific.

Piper: it looks like we have hole. Percy: Yeah we’ve got a dam hole! (LOL-ing) Piper: What! Percy: Inside joke. (still LOL-ing) Piper: Whatever.

A crazy old lady, leading a band of teenagers against an angry supernatural Entity – who’da thought?

I always start peeing when I’m only halfway to the litter box. This eagerness to finish is what probably makes me such a great lover.

I always have my reasons, even when I don’t know what they are.

You scream like a leettle girl.

A company could use bricks to measure their growth rate. How many bricks have angry investors thrown at you lately? If the answer is none, then your growth rate is probably pretty good… for the...

The Latin word for sausage was botulus, from which English gets two words. One of them is the lovely botuliform, which means sausage-shaped and is a more useful word than you might think. The other...

Hey, yummy leather guy? Can you hear me? (Amanda)

Wonder why we can do this,’ he called out with his mind. The mental effort of speaking to her was already straining—he felt a headache forming like a bulge in his brain. ‘Maybe we were...

The big one was at least cute, and as annoying as she was, you couldn’t get mad at a golden retriever.

People think I’m all gloom and doom all the time. I’m not. I also have bad days where I’m pessimistic.

I do not like you.

The truth about life is complicated, indefensible and embarrassing.

I obscenity in the milk of my shame.

I have a computer, a vibrator, and pizza delivery. Why should I leave the house? ” – Tabitha

Do not pollute my perfectly acceptable figurative speech with irrelevant facts!

I’d rather be me being me than me trying to be my own clone. I try to stay true to who I am as a person, not a genetically modified being.

Life should be lined with love. A stomach should also be lined. So should football fields.

What can I say? I’m a magnificent specimen of manhood. Of course they all want me. But I do appreciate you protecting my honor.

This book is written with an open mind and it should be read with the same

Monkeys can’t talk, stupid!

You do have a plan?”Percy wanted to step forward bravely and say, No, I don’t!

My heart is spinning. Love is a tornado. Will you be my Kansas?

I’m sorry to hear you’re jobless.” I need to network with people who encounter letters on a daily basis in math equations, not romantic poetry.

I can’t marry a bisexual woman, because she might be having an affair with the same person I’m having an affair with. And it’s not affair to share.

I’ve had so many bikini waxes, I cry every time I see a Popsicle stick.

WATNEY: Look! A pair of boobs! -> (.Y.).

Ranger is an unusual name,” she managed. “Is it a nickname?”It’s a street name,” Ranger said. “I was a Ranger in the army.”I heard about them Rangers on TV,” Grandma said. “I heard they get...

… the novel, arguably the author’s best, had a disquieting power, like a sleeping crocodile.

When I’m sad, I think about happier times. Times like 3:33, 12:34, and 3:21. This last one usually spurs me into action and helps stop me from just stopping.

Her name is Angela, though she’s no angel. Dad, I can’t believe she replenishes us.

I live for the moment and love for eternity. I mean I’d like to, but I’m too impatient for either.

The relationship between professional and domestic cook has similarities to a sexual encounter. One party is normally more experienced than the other; and either party should have the right, at any moment, to say, “No,...

There is nothing in the world so irresistibly contagious as laughter and good humor.

Oh, for God’s sake,” I said. “Just give me the stupid thing.” I took the panic button and stuck it into my Super Sexy Miracle Bra. “GPS,” Ranger said to Morelli. “Probably I can find...

Some people believe in imaginary friends. I believe in imaginary numbers.

The wall between writing and painting is just good grammar. Moderation in moderation. Fun is scary with a happy ending. Just love. If love doesn’t transform that which annoys you, it will be easier to...

My side felt a lot better when Nora called me at noon the next day. “My nice policeman wants to see you,” she said. “How do you feel?””Terrible. I must’ve gone to bed sober.” I...

Why is it called a flight of stairs? It should be called a walk of stairs.

You got here in the nick of time,” Johnny said, grinning insolently at him. “I was just about to start ripping off her clothes.

Poirot,” I said. “I have been thinking.””An admirable exercise my friend. Continue it.

Yeah, I can really paint a verbal picture,” I responded dryly.

Looking can make you want. Wanting can get you thinking. If you want them to stop thinking, just give them what they want.

He’s a year shorter than me, but he’s a foot younger. I love him like the brother of an only child.

If I look like I haven’t slept for eight hours, it’s because I haven’t. Oh, I wasn’t up all night. I slept 7:45 hours.

The mascot for the New York Mets should be a handshake. But first, let me wash my hands.