I’ve been on a diet for two weeks and all I’ve lost is two weeks!”-Totie Fields-
Casy said, “Ol’ Tom’s house can’t be more’n a mile from here. Ain’t she over that third rise?”Sure,” said Joad. “Less somebody stole it, like Pa stole it.”Your pa stole it?”Sure, got it a mile an’ a half east of here an’ drug it. Was a family livin’ there, an’ they moved away. Grampa an’...
Don’t be ridiculous. Brussels sprouts are awful. Jail is just jail.
Kissing the frog to get the prince is a waste of a perfectly good frog.
Yo Mama’s so fat, her ass has its own congressman!
Yo Mama’s so ugly, her dentist treats her by mail order.
I want to be remembered for my poop jokes. Those are the most important kind.
A person reveals his character by nothing so clearly as the joke he resents.
Your wife is a big hippo! My face is melting! My face is meltinnnnggg!
I have a Siamese twin cat. It’s got 2 heads and 18 lives.
I don’t mind making jokes, but I don’t want to look like one.
Old Tom giggled, “Fooled ya, huh, Ma? We aimed to fool ya, and we done it. Jus’ stood there like a hammered sheep. Wisht Grampa’d been here to see. Looked like somebody’d beat ya between the eyes with a sledge. Grampa would a whacked ‘imself so hard he’d a throwed his hip out–like he done...
Minds me of a story they tell about Willy Feeley when he was a young fella. Willy was bashful, awful bashful. Well, one day he takes a heifer over to Graves’ bull. Ever’body was out but Elsie Graves, and Elsie wasn’t bashful at all. Willy, he stood there turnin’ red an’ he couldn’t even talk....
teenagers are never joking. when seeking to prove a point, principals and teachers should remember that teenagers are never, ever sarcasic or ironic. if they say “I wish someone would drop a bomb on this school right now,” that means they have arranged for a nuclear arsenal to be emptied onto the school and should...
A number of the jokes were taken out of context or they were misunderstood,