In spite of all the sparring that went on between us, I sort of liked Morelli. Good judgment told me to stand clear of him, but then I’ve never been a slave to good judgment.

A brick could be used to make yourself taller. It’s like self-esteem, only easier to use in the construction of a house.

Kind of is, actually.

Dude! Get a fucking grip, it’s just a song!When had I turned into a 5-yr-old girl? At the very least, I needed to get my libido under control before the song finished, because I didn’t...

Never mind gas masks and fallout shelters in the event of biological warfare. Many New Yorkers move from place to place equipped with the essentials of vermin assault weaponry: mouse traps, roach spray, and sticky...

Let your eyes talk, mouth listens and ear sleeps.

I heard the car door shut and then Fabian’s voice. “You won’t believe what I found around the edge of your property,” the ghost announced. “A cave with prehistoric painting inside it!” I rolled my...

A brick could be used to help you to become a karate master, like I am. It’s easy to punch the brick and break it, but can you punch a brick, shatter it, and then...

I feel my brains, like a pear, to see if it’s ripe; it will be exquisite by September.

Yes, I was standing on nothing but congealed starlight. Yes, I was walking up through a savage storm, the wind threatening to tear me off and throw me into the freezing waters of Lake Michigan...

A brick could be employed to stop global warming, by using it to clog up the world’s smallest volcano. I would use my penis to plug up the hole, but it already burns while I...

Don’t even think of arguing with me. I’m an old woman and if you fight me about it, it could give me a heart attack.

I can eat you at breakfast, not because I am a monster; it is only because you are too cute and yummy.

A blanket could be used to say I’m sorry without using words, gestures, body language, facial expressions, or telepathy. I’ve always thought it was better to show than tell anyway, so I hope you can...

I don’t know if I ever really bought into the eternal damnation bit.

Be nice to people on your way up, because you’ll land on them on your way down

A blanket could be used to keep me from exploding. My patience is wearing thin, and my clothes are also wearing thin, and in some spots you can see through the material, so a blanket...

There is absolutely no way that I would enter that world. I would never run for office.

It’s probably around here somewhere, but I suppose you want the parts attached, too.

A blanket, no matter how thin, could be sliced thinner, and in this way one blanket could be used to keep a multitude of people warm. But not that warm.

Extinguished theologians lie about the cradle of every science as the strangled snakes beside that of Hercules; and history records that whenever science and orthodoxy have been fairly opposed, the latter has been forced to...

I need to get ready. Ash? Touch the food and I won’t take you for a driving lesson tomorrow. Dad? Touch it and I’ll make you take him for a driving lesson tomorrow.”Dad backed away...

My shadow falling over a spot of land always increases its real estate value. Buy it now, because at high noon, all value will vanish.

If I were a pervert, I’d be looking for something a damn bit more attractive than you, jackass. And definitely someone that smelled alive.

Wisdom of the Ages: “Brian Williams Week” Now that NBC is giving him a sixth month “leave” I wonder if he will be “Killing Time-In Saudi Arabia!

Can I come in?No! I’m in a towel!I’m blind!

Pe domnul Van der Hoph însă c nd îl văd îmi vine să-l m ng i pe cap, ca pe un băiețel. Cred că altceva trebuie să inspire un bărbat.

You’re not going to campus. You’re going out to get drunk and play with other ladies’ boobies.” – Kye

My point is, life is about balance. The good and the bad. The highs and the lows. The pina and the colada.

Thou art a very ragged Wart.

The sole purpose of a child’s middle name, is so he can tell when he’s really in trouble.

Let my hand be a blanket for my penis.

Ish #19 “If your diet soda has zero calories, zero sugar and zero fat, what the hell are you drinking?

…, and sometimes there’s just no point in arguing with him. “Yeah, okay ‘me, Jeff, and Evan, sitting in a tree…'”Chris claps his hands triumphantly. “That’s right, baby!” Than a more serious expression comes across...

Oh, Micheal darling!””Don’t call me darling, I’m a driving instructor!

she shall scant show well that now shows best.

I looked at the stained-glass image of the lamb in the window above me, but that only reminded me that lambs are famous for being led to slaughter, or sometimes hanging out with lions in...

A brick could be used as a cuddle partner. Just glue some fur on it and voila! It’s as good as snuggling with any dead animal you find on the side of the highway. (Which...

She grinned, looking for all the world like a sticky-mouthed little girl who had just convinced her gullible mother that she really did drop the first piece of candy into the storm drain and would...

Pity, I’ve learned, is like a fart. You can tolerate your own, but you simply can’t stand anyone else’s.

A brick can be neither good nor bad. A brick just is. And it isn’t, because I just stole it from you, which is good for me, and bad for you.

I guess we know who got the good genes.”I laugh at the expression on Caleb’s face, his mouth drawn into a slight pucker and his eyes wide.

Adam pressed his hand to his face. Sighed. “Right. It’s just that… He died. And I’m so freaking pissed off, I swear I’d punch him in the face if he were standing right here.

A brick could be used as a bowling ball. With how bad I bowl, a rectangle ball couldn’t possibly hurt my score, because in bowling you can’t get a lower score than zero

It’s sometimes shocking to find out what people really believe in.

I’m dating three men, living with two more, and having occasional sex with two others. That’s seven men. I’m like a pornographic Snow White. I think seven is plenty.

A brick represents a single unit, weak and useless alone, but useful and powerful when organized and grouped with other bricks. So it is with man.

Yeah. Isn’t it great?

Otulissa swelled up to twice her normal size. ‘Well, SPRINK ON YOUR SPRONK!

Truly competent Literary Detectives are as rare as truthful men, Mr. Tweed — you can see her potential as clearly as I can. Frightened of someone stealing your thunder, perhaps?