Tall venti in a grande cup.” That’s basically me asking for a small large in a medium cup.

I want to conserve energy expenditure by reducing our air intake. Save lives by saving your I love yous and holding your breath for the duration of your relationship.

If it’s transparent, how do you know what shape it is?” Good question. Well, for one thing, I put it together, and for another, I’m currently wearing it like body armor (though to the casual...

I wanted to write something that made no linear sense. None. Zero. Something that was 87% pure nonsense, 12% pure alcohol, and 3% orange juice, for a chaser. That formula is accurate, give or take...

All my writing is translated from Gibberish directly into Nonsense. So if my writing offends you, then don’t blame me—blame the translator.

Our meeting will keep, but my meatloaf and bowl of masturbation in the fridge won’t. Everybody at the political campaign loves when I bring food.

A little nonsense now and then, Is cherished by the wisest men.

She wore tight corsets to give her a teeny waist – I helped her lace them up – but they had the effect of causing her to faint. Mom called it the vapors and said...

If I had a world of my own, everything would be nonsense. Nothing would be what it is, because everything would be what it isn’t. And contrary wise, what is, it wouldn’t be. And what...

My father is a fish.

Our opponents have organized the likes of a political campaign against us. It would be nonsense for us not to respond in a similar fashion.

Her golden hair moved like a hundred moths, all trying to saturate themselves in sunlight, while his hair was spiked like cleats, and he wore a shoe for a hat. He said it helped him...

Pele popularized the bicycle kick, and I created the unicycle kick. It’s like the bicycle kick, only it requires more balance and one less wheel.

There’s cat feces in my Batman costume, and all the lines in my screenplay were snorted by the neighborhood cokehead. Ah, but that’s life, no?

I may look like someone you know. I resemble an apple pie.

When I’m with her, life just makes sense. It makes nonsense.

On our first date, you should wear a maternity dress, because I’m going to try to impregnate you.

In the Tunnel of Desire, past the Tube of Destiny, lies the Turtle of Doubt. We all have to face that turtle, but only the confident ones ever find out that doubt tastes like chicken.

Till now poets were privileged to insert a certain proportion of nonsense – very far in excess of one-half of one per cent – into their otherwise sober documents.

A little nonsense now and then is relished by the wisest men.

This supreme instance of Troy’s goodness fell upon Gabriel’s ears like the thirteenth stroke of a crazy clock.

Tis the privilege of friendship to talk nonsense, and to have her nonsense respected.

She had a perfect smile. She doesn’t anymore, but I do. I have that perfect smile mounted on my wall like a pair of antlers.

I network like a salmon in a bear costume. Why swim upstream when the honeybee has all the flowers? Is anything more romantic than roses on a grave?

I am Vigalig the Destroyer. Except during the day, and then I am Gigalig the Giggler.

I can’t charge you 99 cents for a book called 99 Cents For Some Nonsense, because that would make sense. However, I have to charge you 99 cents, because it makes sense not to. So...

I’m up for the Julius Caesar Author of the Year Award this year. I’m tremendously proud, considering Caesar is the guy who burned down the Library of Alexandria.

Meow.

That doesn’t sound very attractive,” laughed Anne. “I like people to have a little nonsense about them.

Take life seriously but none of the people in it.

If you say that you’d never hurt anybody,you’re lack of emphaty and full of bullshit.

A writer need not devour a whole sheep in order to know what mutton tastes like, but he must at least eat a chop. Unless he gets his facts right, his imagination will lead him...

Said by Colin the dragon:”It’s somewhat bizarre to learn that many of you (humans)think that other humans are somehow different enough to be hated and killed, when in reality you’re all all tiresomely similiar in...

I’m covered in fish hair! I have a dwarf shaped like a suitcase that I carry everywhere. Women tell me I love too deeply. Wrong! I love too widely.

You could empty the trash and my love for you still wouldn’t fit inside. But just because it won’t fit, doesn’t mean you shouldn’t empty the trash.

The Bronze Age was such a third-place era.

In a recent Gallup poll conducted in France while riding a horse, two out of three sweaty Frenchman (there were only three people surveyed) stated that my armpits are the greatest thing since Louis XVI....

Does a man of sense run after every silly tale of hobgoblins or fairies, and canvass particularly the evidence? I never knew anyone, that examined and deliberated about nonsense who did not believe it before...

A half a hole is still a whole hole. Let that be a lesson in love.

I want to write. I’ve already told my mother: That’s what I want to do-write. No answer the first time. Then she asks, Write what? I say, Books, novels. […] She’s against it, it’s not...

Read the directions and directly you will be directed in the right direction.

Every day, strive to refine your contagious shine, and shake the nonsense offered by those who lack the will to polish-up from within.

there’s no clarity.there was never meant to be clarity.

I’ve got hair in my mouth, because I replaced my teeth with my cat. This makes it more fun to pet my gums.

It’s raining and my clothes are all wet. They are so drinkable! So is my love for you, but I left that in the river, along with the umbrella.

You know what I can’t stand?” Stand. I’ll sell rants in small, medium, and large.

I am the Sisters of Mercy. All three of them. Triplets.

Eleven out of ten people surveyed said they appreciate nonsense.

I make love in my bathtub, because there’s only room for one person.

I steal cracker packets. I hoard them. Once my collection is large enough, I’ll take them to the flea market and try to sell them to discerning lovers.