There is already enough chattering nonsense on the ground. Do we really need aviaries in pressurised tin cans at 30,000 feet as well ?

I’m not interested in you as a person. I am, however, interested in you as a banana.

If you were to ask me if I have ever loved a woman, I’d probably reply, “Two gallons of milk and a midget.

Like Alexander the Great and Caesar, I’m out to conquer the world. But first I have to stop at Walmart and pick up some supplies.

I can feel my cheeks through your cheesecake buttocks.

I’ve just awarded myself a trophy for bicycling. It’s big and it only has one wheel. Now I’m one unicycle away from the bicycle that is love.

I want to meet a woman named Sherry who only drinks brandy, and a woman named Brandy who only drinks sherry. Then I’ll offer each one of them one magical night of sex with me,...

I’m about to cross a time zone, and I feel younger already. If I keep traveling west, maybe I can catch up to the love of my youth.

If you want sense, you’ll have to make it yourself.

Because man’s being is made of strange stuff….

He is as good as anybody in this parish! He is very particular, too, about going to church-yes, he is!”I am afeard nobody ever saw him there. I never did, certainly.”The reason of that is,’...

In the land of the skunks he who has half a nose is king.

Dialogue between two characters, each of them different forms of karate, might be a bit choppy.

I keep an outfit of my baby clothes on a hanger in my closet. It hangs there like a heretical, anorexic midget. I do this to increase my chances of getting laid (wet baloney is...

I tie my smile like a shoelace.

My name is MooMoo Cowlishaw, and I’m as vapid as vapor. Gaze at me grazing.

Virgina Woolf versus Edward Lear.””Christ Alive,” said Billy. “Are those my only choices?””I went for Lear,” said Leon. “Partly out of fidelity to the letter L. Partly because given the choice between nonsense and boojy...

I’m people wealthy. My grandchildren have grandchildren, some of whom are even older than me.

I saw a white toilet, with no plumbing, alone in a field of snow. Well, almost alone. There were two naked albinos and a polar bear sitting on it, and I felt inspired to write...

Focus your attention on the quality of your words, and not the quantity, because few sensible talks attracts millions of listeners more than a thousand gibberish.

I went to a restaurant that serves “breakfast at any time” so I ordered French toast during the Renaissance.

At the Temple of the Seven-Handed Sek a hasty convocation of priests and ritual heart-transplant artisans agreed that the hundred-span-high statue of Sek was altogether too holy to be made into a magic picture, but...

Tall venti in a grande cup.” That’s basically me asking for a small large in a medium cup.

I want to conserve energy expenditure by reducing our air intake. Save lives by saving your I love yous and holding your breath for the duration of your relationship.

If it’s transparent, how do you know what shape it is?” Good question. Well, for one thing, I put it together, and for another, I’m currently wearing it like body armor (though to the casual...

I wanted to write something that made no linear sense. None. Zero. Something that was 87% pure nonsense, 12% pure alcohol, and 3% orange juice, for a chaser. That formula is accurate, give or take...

All my writing is translated from Gibberish directly into Nonsense. So if my writing offends you, then don’t blame me—blame the translator.

Our meeting will keep, but my meatloaf and bowl of masturbation in the fridge won’t. Everybody at the political campaign loves when I bring food.

A little nonsense now and then, Is cherished by the wisest men.

She wore tight corsets to give her a teeny waist – I helped her lace them up – but they had the effect of causing her to faint. Mom called it the vapors and said...

If I had a world of my own, everything would be nonsense. Nothing would be what it is, because everything would be what it isn’t. And contrary wise, what is, it wouldn’t be. And what...

My father is a fish.

Our opponents have organized the likes of a political campaign against us. It would be nonsense for us not to respond in a similar fashion.

Her golden hair moved like a hundred moths, all trying to saturate themselves in sunlight, while his hair was spiked like cleats, and he wore a shoe for a hat. He said it helped him...

Pele popularized the bicycle kick, and I created the unicycle kick. It’s like the bicycle kick, only it requires more balance and one less wheel.

There’s cat feces in my Batman costume, and all the lines in my screenplay were snorted by the neighborhood cokehead. Ah, but that’s life, no?

I may look like someone you know. I resemble an apple pie.

When I’m with her, life just makes sense. It makes nonsense.

On our first date, you should wear a maternity dress, because I’m going to try to impregnate you.

In the Tunnel of Desire, past the Tube of Destiny, lies the Turtle of Doubt. We all have to face that turtle, but only the confident ones ever find out that doubt tastes like chicken.

Till now poets were privileged to insert a certain proportion of nonsense – very far in excess of one-half of one per cent – into their otherwise sober documents.

A little nonsense now and then is relished by the wisest men.

This supreme instance of Troy’s goodness fell upon Gabriel’s ears like the thirteenth stroke of a crazy clock.

Tis the privilege of friendship to talk nonsense, and to have her nonsense respected.

She had a perfect smile. She doesn’t anymore, but I do. I have that perfect smile mounted on my wall like a pair of antlers.

I network like a salmon in a bear costume. Why swim upstream when the honeybee has all the flowers? Is anything more romantic than roses on a grave?

I am Vigalig the Destroyer. Except during the day, and then I am Gigalig the Giggler.

I can’t charge you 99 cents for a book called 99 Cents For Some Nonsense, because that would make sense. However, I have to charge you 99 cents, because it makes sense not to. So...

I’m up for the Julius Caesar Author of the Year Award this year. I’m tremendously proud, considering Caesar is the guy who burned down the Library of Alexandria.

Meow.