Regin the Radiant and Emmaline Troy: ‘Alrighty then, have it your way- you’re on your own… Now, if you come across a leech, no offense, remember your training.”None taken. And would that be the sword...

You might not believe this, but there is no one like her at this school.””Oh I believe it,” I said, thinking back to the time Angeline had forgotten her locker’s combination and tried to get...

A decade ago when Isabel’s husband Max had died, they’d moved in together and merged their possessions. Neither sister brought any fussy teapots, canaries, sachets, or doilies,but lots of other stuff had to either stay...

The word “genius” isn’t applicable in football. A Genius is a guy like Norman Einstein.

I can’t waste time quibbling over trivial things like pepperoni and mushrooms. If you’d gone to my school in Devonshire, you’d understand. For one of my sophomore classes, they left us alone on the moors...

I’ve tried reading the Bible. I never make it past all the talk about the firmament. The firmament is the thing, on Day 1 or 2, that divides the waters from the waters. Here you...

I got food poisoning today. I don’t know when I’ll use it.

A brick could be used as an identifier, for all those people with no real identities. I’m talking about clones, because just like bricks, each clone is exactly like the next.

Why would Dad call you? I mean, you have to admit that he would have been better off calling the local prison and asking them to send out one of the convicted killers to come...

Is he about to kiss me? Did he eat garlic too or was I the only one? ‘Cause if Ric didn’t eat garlic then my breath’s gonna stink and he’ll think… Oh for fuck sake,...

A brick could be used to enhance your sex life. So what are you waiting for? Get that gerbil out of your pants

But though it had prevailed against such fierce adversaries as fire and flood, it had fallen victim softly and swiftly to television in the 1960’s.

There’s always time for arguin’ when you’re a Fuentes.

I wonder what will happen if i put a hand cream on my feet, will they get confused and start clapping?

Doris loves Superman as well.unfortunately, she got knocked down by a van last year, and it was a big, long recovery for her, really. It took about six months, didn’t it, before she was fully...

My theory is that all of Scottish cuisine is based on a dare.

A blanket could be used as Concealment Revealer. It both conceals and reveals, like great dialogue. Here’s some great dialogue I wrote for two characters, Mr. Brick, and Ms. Blanket: Mr. Brick: I like your...

I want to be so famous that drag queens will dress like me in parades when I’m dead.

From: Beth Fremont To: Jennifer Scribner-Snyder Sent: Thurs, 09/30/1999 3:42 PM Subject: If you were Superman … … and you could choose any alter ego you wanted, why the hell would you choose to spend...

A blanket could be used to cure the common cold. I mean, come on it’s just common sense. A blanket is warm, and if a cold is what it’s named, then a blanket would transform...

I have no doubt that you are more than capable of bringing the Monsean queen and my son and the rest of my sons and a hundred Nanderan kittens through an onslaught of howling raiders...

I have never wanted to punch a highway in the face as badly as I do right now.

A brick could be used as a flashlight. What, still dark? Check the batteries, because they may be dead.

God will break California from the surface of the continent like someone breaking off a piece of chocolate. It will become its own floating paradise of underweight movie stars and dot-commers, like a fat-free Atlantis...

Sex without love is a meaningless experience, but as far as meaningless experiences go its pretty damn good.

A brick could be used as a key to unlock a door disguised as a brick wall. The security in the lock lies not with a one-of-a-kind key, but with a key that looks like...

I couldn’t think of anything helpful to say, so I resorted to humor, my shield of last resort. ‘Just please tell me they don’t have a dog and a picket fence.’He smiled. ‘No fence, but...

You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note on the windscreen, it said ‘Parking Fine.

I built my marriage brick by brick. And I destroyed it blanket by blanket.

Make sure the seaweed lies flat.”Okay.”Leave an inch below the knee.”Okay.”It’s got to be loose enough to put a finger in the top.”Sean Kendrick.’ I say it emphatically enough that the stallion’s ears prick toward...

Do you ride?”She smiled, her fingers lightly sliding around his ear. “Not since I hit that barn”Zach’s hands paused on her flesh. “You hit a barn?” “I had to avoid the cow

Honor is kind of what you get when you weaponize manners …

Why were you watching me change?” I explain. “Uh, ’cause I’m a guy?” He flips the pillow and slaps it, fluffing it. Then he rolls over and closes his eyes again.

Somebody dies and people eat your food. Funny how that works.

Without comedy as a defense mechanism I wouldn’t be able to survive.

No need, no, need. Life is already too short to find it.

His left eyebrow crept higher and higher as I told him the strange bits like the glowing letters and serpent staff. “Well, Sadie,” Inspector Williams said. “You’ve got quite an imagination.” “I’m not lying, Inspector....

I love family reunions. Maybe next year we could pass out samurai swords.

Are you sure you can’t dematerialize? Not even a little?” “I’m sure.

Back then, I was doing more of my impression of what a comic is supposed to do.

He swiveled his head towards Eddie. “Tell me how to get over to the Four Lads. Do I have to die again?”If he did, he had a Beretta on him and he knew what kicking...

I never knew how much I missed pickles and pickle juice. It’s like, an overwhelming feeling that I can’t even explain.

Then you had people who wanted to get into comedy just to get a TV deal.

She’s the kind of woman I could see myself spending the rest of my life with—after I turn 99.

I’m engaged, on the way to being married.

Alex the waiter was on my Spank Naughty list in third place, right after Henry Calvill the actor, then Henry Calvill as Superman. He was proof that God existed, and that God loved straight women.

When I saw you, I saw love. When I saw you naked, I saw lust. When I saw you with my clone in a dream, I saw the future.

Women KNOW, we just know. Even if we didn’t know, we would know. Men won’t get this, but women will..because we KNOW

The Princess BrideS. Morgenstern’sClassic Tale of True Loveand High AdventureYou had to admire a guy who called his own new book a classic before it was published and anyone had a chance to read it.

Love waits patiently. In the lobby. I’ll be with you as soon as I can.