Do things that make you happy within the confines of the legal system.

In the cool dark basement, she whispers, “It’s not Ralph, is it?”Cabel’s quiet for a moment, as if he’s thinking, “You mean like Forever Ralph? Uh, no.””You’ve read Forever?” Janie is incredulous. “There wasn’t much...

On the board was a list of words and phrases which her mother considered not suitable for use in college T-shirt design. She had been asked about them so often that in the end she...

I used to think drinking was the only way to be happy. Now I know there is no way to be happy.

Dirt and sweat. Very sexy.

You won’t even take your bow? Are you planning to throttle a moose with your bare hands, then?””I’ve a knife in my boot,” she said, and then wondered, for a moment, if she could throttle...

My head’ll explode if I continue with this escapism.

As it happens, I’m a terrible dancer. Bears are simply not made for dancing. We’re much better at sitting and sleeping and singing. But there are humans who catch bears and force us to dance....

Cara: *Flies*Gen: What? I don’t have wings!Cara: Ofcourse not! You’re a boy.

A brick could be used like Dracula uses binoculars. I swear that pervert peeps on me every night from the tree across the street.

The Lord turned water into wine. All I’m suggesting is a trip to the grocery store.

That happens to have been a very significant battle,” Davin reminded me, in a smug tone.

You know what? We need a recession in this country, because that would finaly weed out al the subnormal, underdeveloped, stupefied, puerile people in this workforce.

An assumption is the joke; truth the punchline.

Chuck Norris will never have a heart attack. His heart isn’t nearly foolish enough to attack him.

It’s always funny that you can try and try again to steal all your critics’ ammo, predict their responses, but no matter what, they’ll still have a water gun stashed somewhere.

I try to hook you up every day. What’s the point of calendars without dates?

Maruman does not loll.

You can capture me with your beauty, only if you are a brilliant photographer.

Nine times out of ten I left one out. But the one I leave out is never love. I always put love in—even when I put it in your butt.

Naked intelligence officer (‘nā-kəd in-‘te-lə-jən(t)s ‘ä-fə-sər)1 : an intelligence officer in a state of undress 2 : an intelligence officer whose cover has been compromised3 : an intelligence officer, in reality fully clothed, disguised as...

Just relax and breathe through your ass.

We already have the Wooden Pillar, the Steel Pillar and the Plastic Pillar. In a moment we will have the Golden Bail….’No, you won’t.’We will,’ stated the robot simply.No, you won’t. It makes my ship...

Inflation is when you pay fifteen dollars for the ten-dollar haircut you used to get for five dollars when you had hair.

With Ice Cube they ain’t no telling. He might have one cocked and loaded, ready to bust. We might do The Sunday, two old men sitting around the house waiting on the social security check.

Don’t try to hog loneliness and keep it all to yourself. Share it with a special someone.

Paul is a liar, he said so. (Romans 3:7.)

You could carve out the inside of a brick and hide your money in it for safe keeping. It’s certainly safer than keeping it in the bank!

In a blind taste-test, my kisses were rated as Helen Kelleresque. Women love how the only sense I keenly possess is nonsense.

But if I’d known there was going to be a firearms examination at the end of the kidnapping, by God, I would have studied for it!

He’s all right. His hair is cute.”Jonas froze, his lobster fork halfway to his mouth. ” Oh my God, you’re in love.””I’m not in love.””‘his hair is cute’? You never say anything nice about anyone....

I’m not waiting until my hair turns white to become patient and wise. Nope, I’m dyeing my hair tonight.

Nobody knows what is life and still alive

In one universe, they are gorgeous, straight-teethed, long-legged, wrapped in designer fashions, and given sports cars on their sixteenth birthdays. Teacher smile at them and grade them on the curve. They know the first names...

I want my time to be taken up by chores, errands, appointments, and arguments. In other words, I want to get married.

I spilled spot remover on my dog; now he’s gone.

Depends on when you’re referring to.

Donegan Bane and Gracious O’Callahan – the Monster Hunters. Adventurers, inventors, authors of Monster Hunting for Beginners and it’s sequels, Monster Hunting for Beginners is Probably Inadvisable and Seriously, Dude, Stop Monster Hunting.

Graham’s life is as tense as an overstretched simile.

And I like a good horror story as much as the next person so long as they kill off some men too and not just girls. But the voices Joan heard were real. There’s clear...

I saw this beautiful girl the other day. She had an ass behind her that seemed to go on for days. In fact, I’m still going on about her.

you think you’ve never been wrong before?”-alex”sure i have why just last week I bought bobbi brown sandwash petal lip gloss when the pink blossom color would have looked so much better with my complexion....

Nothing makes you think you might need years of therapy like saying the word breasts in front of your mother.

I want to be a naughty pirate, because when I put on that eye patch, it barely covers my genitals.

Cameron is incredibly charming. I’ve seen Charlie’s Angels four times.

She’d met Colin on a Monday.She’d kissed him on a Friday.Twelve years later.She sighed. It seemed fairly pathetic.

People tell me I look like my father. I’ve never seen my dad, so does that mean I look invisible?

BARRELS!

Don’t go there Rule” Lawe warned him softly. ” I don’t think your horoscope declared today to be a good day to die.

Everyone gets tortured these days. Skulduggery by Serpine, who then turned around and did that red right hand thing at you. Then Skulduggery was tortured again by the Faceless Ones. I figured it was my...