There’s a place for farts, and there’s a place for sharts.

In real life I was alone, but in my dream I was in a crowd, and that’s why I farted. But being the gentleman that I am, I blamed it on your dad.

My sweet little whorish Nora I did as you told me, you dirty little girl, and pulled myself off twice when I read your letter. I am delighted to see that you do like being...

A fart in the face is love.

Home is where the heart is, home is where the fart is.Come let us fart in the home.There is no art in a fart.Still a fart may not be artless.Let us fart and artless fart...

Pity, I’ve learned, is like a fart. You can tolerate your own, but you simply can’t stand anyone else’s.

He that lives upon hope will die farting.

Of all the various kinds of sexual intercourse, this has the least to recommend it. As an amusement, it is too fleeting; as an occupation, it is too wearing; as a public exhibition, there is...

What happened next… well, I’m going to blame it on the fact that I was scared. And I had just flown or fallen or something through about eighty years worth of Time. Or maybe it...

A celebrity farts, and everyone endures, but the unpopular will be thrased to death.

You stand out like a fart in church.

I don’t break wind—I repair it. I am the anti politician, because when one speaks, he farts through his mouth, and the people always suffer.

I’d like to think I’d never do a gratuitous fart joke.