Can I fetch you something, madam? A cup of tea?’In the old days she’d have been ‘miss’ and he’d have offered her a cocktail.

I’ve been to a horse farm, a magical place where jockeys grow on trees. That’s where we made love for the first time like it was the second time.

The two seemed on casual terms, leading me to wonder how long this limousine had been in her life, and whether she had ever seen the inside, and if so, whether she climbed in the...

Have you ever chopped down something with an ax? Not fun. I now have serious doubts regarding George Washington and his cherry tree.

My girlfriend and I are close. She’s like a brother to me. My brother is also dating her. We make love like mannequins and mashed potatoes, despite the fact that I’m single and an only...

I think I liked the idea better when it was in my head.

What is it?” There is almost nothing I could refuse him at thisvery moment. Sex on the picnic bench? Check. Strip off and do theMacarena on the grass? Check. Crawl under the table and do...

You’re nasty and you’re loud,you’re mean enough for two,If I could be a cloud,I’d rain all day on you.

I held a nail in place and slammed it with the hammer. Best. Chore. Ever.

Bags!

Eve talking to someone on her computer and having trouble with the language translator…..”I have two like crimes. Your data and your input on Leclerk would be very helpful”Marie pursed her lips and humor danced...

Go out with me tomorow night,” Perry went on. “Let me prove to you that I’m the guy you want.””I…I guess I coul go out tomorrow night,” Miranda sounded shocked and a little swept off...

hey. I just wanted to make sure you got home,” I say. “Katniss, I live three houses away from you,” he says.

Mallory dropped her head to the steering wheel. “Look, I’m mad at you, okay? This isn’t about me. I know my painful memories are relative. My life is good. I’m lucky. This isn’t about how...

I can see clearly now, my brain is gone.Lucy

I never said nothing… I know you never! I could hear you not saying anything! You’ve got the loudest silences I ever did hear from anyone who wasn’t dead!

I was with this girl the other night and from the way she was responding to my skillful caresses, you would have sworn that she was conscious from the top of her head to the...

I had a dream about you. You were wearing Sylvester Stallone’s sneer as pants, but his lips were saggy on your legs, so you had to wear a mustache as a belt.

I worked with Paul McCartney for a while and saw what it does to you to be treated like a god for twenty years.

With my grandma, every Sunday after church.

I have been told the best things in life are free ~ I found them very expensive.

Oh, I wasn’t saying no,” Mistress Weatherwax said, taking two large pickled cucumbers.

I had a dream about you. We were married and I walked into the room to see you in my new black dress and high heels and I said “That’s not what I meant when...

Subject: SundownDate: June 14 2011 09:35To: Christian GreyDear Completely & Utterly SmittenI love waking up with you, too. But I love being in bed with you and in elevators and on pianos and billiard tables...

Francesca took a navy blue sheath from a hanger and held it up. “This is darling, Gabriel. Don’t you love it? You’re right, I think we need to concentrate on much more feminine articles of...

Boohoo.

Um i’m happy to sit close to you and everything, but i had no idea you would like it so much,’ Paris muttered.

We made love like a half a minute. I brought the thirty seconds, and she provided the excuse as to why she didn’t have enough time to have sex with me.

A brick could be used as a paperweight, if the words you wrote weren’t weighty enough to hold it down.

To truly fail in life is to never try. When you fall on your face, it is an opportunity for you to find the road again. It may remind you how hard the road is,...

How are you doing, son?””If you don’t get started, I’ll rip out your heart and have it for breakfast.”- Michael to Solo

Do you like flora and fauna? How about plants and animals? Because we have more of that beautiful crap than we know what to do with. Charmingly domesticated troops of monkeys swing freely throughout our...

What the hell is that?” I laughed.”It’s my fox hat.””Your fox hat?””Yeah, Pudge. My fox hat.””Why are you wearing your fox hat?” I asked.”Because no one can catch the motherfucking fox.

Well, I don’t know how to break this to you, but I think they might have noticed we broke into Gringotts.

Ma’am,’ Augustus said, nodding toward her, ‘your daughter’s car has just been deservedly egged by a blind man. Please close the door and go back inside or we’ll be forced to call the police.’ After...

The adults said the only good food was the bacon, but the kids knew better. They had never had a more fun breakfast in their lives. Although they had to agree the bacon was very...

The Destructive Arts are exactly like Martial Arts, except they don’t have uniforms or usefulness and the end result doesn’t resemble art in any way.

Everyone has a sense of humor. If you don’t laugh at jokes, you probably laugh at opinions.

If I go back home to Wittenberg, I’ll lie down in a coffin and give the maggots a fat doctor to eat.

Tolerance! The virtue that makes one bite his tongue so that he can tear out his hair.

Love is like wine. To sip is fine, but to empty the bottle is a headache.

A brick could be used like a giraffe could be used as a neck warmer. You could also use my foreskin.

You’re very welcome,” she said, giving my hair a hard tug. “You should be used to being gawked at by now.””And yet I’m not.””Well, if it gets too bad, give me a signal, and I’ll...

A brick could be used to increase your annual sales. But before you can sell, you’ve got to buy. For just $9.99 I’ll show you how a common brick can transform you into an uncommon...

We didn’t kiss,” I said. Jules cocked an eyebrow. “We brushed lips.

A brick could be used to manipulate people into doing what you want. If anything could offer one man an unfair advantage over another, it’s a brick—especially if that brick is made of gold.

Not everyone who stares likes us; we may look weird enough to get everyone’s attention.

With one blanket, you and I could wrap up like a burrito. Yum. And if you want melted cheese, just fart a bit.

In one of his puckish moods Saul talked the president of a university into letting him anonymously take an examination being administered to candidates for a doctorate in community organization. “Three of the questions were...

A brick could be used as an AFD, or Atmospheric Floating Device, whose sole function is to make people ask WTF?