I hate you’ she said to me one afternoon. ‘I really, really hate you.’ Call me sensitive, but I couldn’t help but take it personally.

There really is no sense in pretending to be normal. Just be you because the moment you do, weirder things happen. Crazy comes back into fashion and every woman has to go out and find...

If you are reading this, I’m dead. Don’t celebrate too much. Jesus is watching.

Thanks for being a fan.” Being a celebrity is a 24/7 thing.

People who didn’t need people needed people around to know that they were the kind of people who didn’t need people.

Gee-word?””Gods. What were you doin’ the day they handed out brains, boy, anyway?””Someone was telling a story about stealing a tiger’s balls, and I had to stop and find out how it ended.

I love running. I’m not into marathons, but I am into avoiding problems at an accelerated rate.

I don’t get very involved in the L.A. scene. When you do get invited out, you are expected to be on all the time. It’s just wearying.

Repetition will be repeated

Tell me the story,” said Fenchurch firmly. “You arrived at the station.””I was about twenty minutes early. I’d got the time of the train wrong.” “Get on with it.” Fenchurch laughed.”So I bought a newspaper,...

It wasn’t enough that I had to worry about playing well and winning the game, but I also had to deal with possibility that one of my teammates could be dragged off the field by...

How long have you been standing there?””Just long enough to see you give Daemon the middle finger.””He deserved it.

It’s almost funny, but still, she ruined our scene.

Something about this made Reynie uneasy. Had he done so badly? Was this meant to test his courage? He did as he was told, closing his eyes and bracing himself as best he could.”Why are...

She’d ceased spying upon him, that was true, but the damage was done. Every time he sat at his desk, he could feel her eyes upon him, even though he knew very well she’d shut...

Please don’t arrest me.””Listen to me, I’m not going to arrest you, ok? I’m not a cop.””Are you sure?””Am I sure I’m not a cop? yes, I’m sure.””You could be undercover.

With the Book hitching rides, hiding on people, guess we’re all going to be dressing like skanks for a while, huh? Skintight or skin. Dude, everybody’s everything’s gonna be hanging out, and some o’ those...

Time is such a waste of time to think about, because the longer you ponder it, the more of it you lose. And before you know it, you don’t know it, because you are nothing...

I am not fake, I am just too good to be true (-:

If my remote control doubled as a dildo, I’d never get off my ass to change the channel.

You’re sure you didn’t leave? Didn’t try to explore Thunder Bay again, maybe go down to the park and, I don’t know, dismember some poor jogger?

And she didn’t once say anything about this being a sin. It used to be I got the word sin slapped in my face every time I did something wrong, but come on, when you...

Um…Mercer? Haven’t seen you in nearly a month. I was expecting something like, ‘Oh Cross, love of my heart, fire of my loins, how I’ve longed–

Love is like a portable lamp/sex toy. The world calls those flashlights, but I’m much more romantic.

Neurotics build castles in the air, psychotics live in them. My mother cleans them.

I have thought carefully on how to leave this world, and I have concluded that I should exit the same way I entered: through a vagina. But not my mother’s.

I like to skip prewriting. I love just jumping into the actual writing process. Then I revise/edit and fix what I need to. Then the following steps; proofread and publish. Of course before you just...

We must eschew anything trivial. We must embrace all that is frivolous…. Trivial things take up all your time and dull your senses, whereas frivolity is meaningful, profound, worth living and dying for…. If we...

There are many other little refinements too, Mr. Bohlen. You’ll see them all when you study the plans carefully. For example, there’s a trick that nearly every writer uses, of inserting at least one long,...

When I compliment you, I compliment myself, because I am who I associate with.

IMBECILE!” the chef shouted. “Next time why don’t you just put your whole HAND in the food, hey? Yes, your whole hand, or maybe your FACE! I arrange the food on plates with care, are...

Yesterday, plus 24 hours.

The Australian flag is noteworthy in that, cosmologically speaking, it’s becoming less accurate with each passing second. By contrast, the cosmological accuracy of the American flag is clearly increasing over time.

I love how babies look like old people. I saw a baby the other day that looked exactly like my grandpa, only taller.

Motivational Secret of the Week: There are no menial jobs. But you’re welcome to check back next month.

I think we should model parts of the English language after the Inuits, who have 52 words for snow. Why don’t we have 52 words for love? Instead, I have to rely on metaphors like,...

Texting depersonalizes communication, rendering human interaction one dimensional. But there are downsides to texting too.

He`s quite extraordinary with his moves and spins. I think he was a baton girl in a past life [on his co-star Hayden Christensen].

Secret 9791422.1. If it can’t end well, don’t end it.

You’re used to being the smartest guy in the room. Solitary confinement will do that.

I love Earth Day, when once each year people of different backgrounds and faiths gather together to bury an environmentalist alive.

Help yourself to a bottle of wine. They’re all empty.

Whom the gods would destroy, they first make gods.

Can you be in love with more than one person and only one person at the same time? Yes, if you’re in love with two clones.

She didn’t sound overjoyed. She didn’t sound even slightly joyed.

I think the two greatest inventions in the history of mankind are the remote control and the fingernail clipper. Now, if someone could just combine those two, I’d be very eager to clip my nails...

Well, that cinched it. He was an asshole. I was definitely going to end up sleeping with him.

I want to buy you a pair of YAP, or Yellow Admiration Pants (they have no crotch), and have you talk dirty to me.

How can it be a CIA client state when CIA is paying for it?

I remember the second time I took Agatha out. I wanted to go to Dairy Queen, and she wanted to go to Burger King. In the end we settled for wieners and clams at Johnny...