My asshole smells like burnt firewood, and I’ve got firemen calling me. But I won’t answer, because my answer is no, they can’t take me out on a date.

Actually, I came because I have a last-minute invitation. My friend Erika Gill is having a big party tomorrow night, one of those all-out birthday bashes that girls like. Want to go?”—————————————-“No. Sorry.””Since it’s a...

We born on date we ll die on date but not the same date or same day never.

I don’t date celebrities.

She invited me out to dinner, and I declined saying I’m not a fan of big groups. She said it would be just us two, and I said, Like I said, I’m not a fan...

If you’d rather not go with me, I will completely understand and won’t hate you for more than a day. Maybe two.

A circular table that spins around is a great way to make a romantic dinner for two with three people less awkward. I’ll pay for myself, I promise.

I never heard back from her after our first date, so either she’s dead, or she rejected me. I wonder where her funeral was held.

He won’t say no, but who cares if he does? Do it. Hell, guys go through this every time they make a move on a woman, and none of them has died yet. In many...

I went on a blind date—with a descendent of Helen Keller.

The most beautiful is to see the joy in your eyes.

Frankly though, bud, your criteria for what constitutes a good date is kinda skewed, if you ask me. Homemade cookies are overrated man — trust me on this. You can find a decent bakery just...

I had a dream about you, you invited me shopping and I was so excited at the thought we were having a “day date” after we entered the mall you had dropped your wallet and...

Let us embrace each other like we have the arms of two chairs. Let us dance like our legs are those of a table. We should do dinner sometime.

I don’t like to date so much as I just like to kind of, you know, run into somethin’, man.

Boy, the DMV has got to be the strangest dating agency. But I suppose love is worth the wait. If I don’t meet a woman here, there’s this new club called The Morgue I want...

WILL YOU BE BRINGING A DATE?””PROBABLY NOT.””OH COME ON,” Dora said. “I’M SURE THAT YOU MUST HAVE LOTS OF BOYFRIENDS– AND GIRLFRIENDS…”I nod my head no and explain that my sex life is complicated.”HOW SO?”...

I think I’m past my due date. I just feel it.

At the end of the first date, I got my courage up and I made a move. One U-Haul van and 1,500 miles later, I regretted my boldness.

I always wanted to know what it is right. Maybe we know each other from time immemorial, if you know that in you is the eternal energy of goodness, which is most important for you.

My first kiss I regret. My first date I regret. But I do not regret the choice to say I love you for the first time. Even though that was the melodramatic story. Even though...

Peace that is bought will reach its expiry even before the date printed on the flap.

For the funeral I needed a plus one, so I rented a hooker. And then I rented a movie. Rest in peace Grandpa, or whoever you were.

You know a relationship has deteriorated past the point of salvage when one person detests another’s gestures.

I’m young, Russian, I come from money, and I date a very well-known person.

Just like the way you date in relationship and become convinced before you give a partner your heart, you got to date your PASTOR to know he can be your MENTOR before you give him...

We’re screwed.

I went on a date last night and things went well. If you must know, I got lucky. I found a four-leaf clover.

I’m a serial monogamist. I’m not one of those people that can date loads of people at the same time, it’s all too complicated.

The blind date that has stood you up: your life.

Finding a stylist is a little like finding a date; you have to find who is right for you.

I’ve changed, and she’s changed, but we haven’t changed together. We were in separate dressing rooms the whole time we dated.

Date rape is just plain moronic when you consider how slutty figs are

Love tip # 29: Increase your chances of getting to second date by not having stinky garlic breath during the end of the first date. Especially if you’re dating a vampire.

have a great day.” And I turned to leave. Damn! I am such a coward. Next time I’ll get her number, I told myself, even though I said the exact same thing sixty-some dollars ago....

A newspaper is an oversized book with adverts and an expiry date.

Date night is important, even if it’s going to Schlotzsky’s.

manhole cover” is.

I refer to myself as he, the third person, because the first two people are out on a date. They probably expect me to pick up their tab.

You know, I’m not sure I ever even had a blind date!

I’ve always tried to do pictures that don’t date.

We had a whirlwind romance. That’s what happens when you date a tornado. Hold on, I have to stop tweeting for a bit because Kansas keeps calling.

We kissed for two hours. Eventually, I led him into my bedroom and pulled off both of our shirts. He stopped me.”This might sound weird; it’s not typical guy response.” I froze, suddenly awkward. “I...

Based on the questions we both answered, we’re a 0% love match. That means we’re 100% compatible, once I enlighten her to the correct perspective on life.

third wheel,” I rode my tricycle to the restaurant where they were having their first date. I didn’t bring my wallet, so I hope they don’t mind paying for my dinner too. Ah, but that’s...

Create a sacred space to learn more about your body and mind, go on a date with yourself and explore emotions, sensation, desires, dreams, and accept yourself as you are. By spending some time getting...

I think fashion can always date, but I think if a woman has elegance, she doesn’t date.

The idea of a blind date scares me. But a deaf date would be great.

We didn’t realize it at the time, but the release date, the ad campaign and the poster are so important.

Good design doesn’t date. Bad design does.