If I weren’t too proud, I’d boast of my exaggerated opinion of myself.
Pure joy is rare. That’s why for every meal I eat a really bloody steak.
The idealist hopes. The romantic sees doom. The postmodernist sees doom and hopes.
I only go birdwatching during mating season. I’m a pornithologist.
Men only treat women like princesses when they want to use them like prostitutes.
I love working with my hands. My writing is rough, my paper bruised with ink stains.
If you want more development in your relationship, move to an urban area.
Education: learning to find your purpose. Upon finding your purpose: what did I learn?
A man is always devoted to something more tangible than a woman – the idea of her.
Injuries heal, but wrinkles are the scars of time.
If you want to change the world, just change yourself. The world needs traitors.
I had a dream about you. You were being hung. I had a sword in one hand and a stool in the other. I couldn’t decide which one to use, so I stood on the stool and threw myself on the sword. It was the least I could do to protest capital punishment.
When nobody practices what they strongly believe in, that day will be a triumph of prudence.
If all women revealed their age, men would have nothing to hide from each other.
Nothing else matters now that you love me.’ – suicide note
Use condoms; it’s wise not to gamble with your children’s future.
I get a lot of big ideas, and occasionally I actually come up with one myself.
Housewife: a position requiring great ambition to fill. Must have the determination to scrub mold, the good taste to distribute a checking account, and the good will to repeat this at a maid service or department store after her husband starts coming home drunk.
The only way to be completely self-consistent is to be constantly uttering paradoxes.
Gold is the dazzling element of silence. Arsenic is the untraceable one.
We need to save the forests. I have a big warehouse we can store them in.
What was that guy’s problem?” The future is full of condescending jerks.