Quotes.wiki
  • Home
  • Tags
  • Authors
  • Contact Us
">
Quotes.wiki
Quotes.wiki
  • Home
  • Tags
  • Authors
  • Contact Us
Bauvard  Quotes
Alphabet: a symbolic system used in algebra, with applications that have yet to be discovered by dyslexics and two thirds of college graduates.

—Bauvard

1 Star2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars (No Ratings Yet)
Loading...
FunnyHumorLanguage
Facebooktwitterredditpinterestlinkedintumblr
Artists are the serfs of a leisure society.

—Bauvard

1 Star2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars (No Ratings Yet)
Loading...
ArtistsFunnyHumor
Facebooktwitterredditpinterestlinkedintumblr
Education: learning to find your purpose. Upon finding your purpose: what did I learn?

—Bauvard

1 Star2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars (No Ratings Yet)
Loading...
EducationFunnyHumor
Facebooktwitterredditpinterestlinkedintumblr
I think that guy’s listening in on our conversation.

—Bauvard

1 Star2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars (No Ratings Yet)
Loading...
FunnyRudeness
Facebooktwitterredditpinterestlinkedintumblr
Welcome to Telepathics Anonymous. Don’t bother introducing yourself.

—Bauvard

1 Star2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars (No Ratings Yet)
Loading...
FunnyHumorTelepathy
Facebooktwitterredditpinterestlinkedintumblr
I had a dream about you. I was a ventriloquist trying to share your fashion secrets, but you wouldn’t talk. So we put on a strip show for the department store sale, and I was...

—Bauvard

1 Star2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars (No Ratings Yet)
Loading...
DreamingDreamsFunny
Facebooktwitterredditpinterestlinkedintumblr
Bachelorhood: all the fun of married life and more prosperity, leaving lots of descendants to boast of their father’s memory to their fellow inmates.

—Bauvard

1 Star2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars (No Ratings Yet)
Loading...
BachelorChildrenFunny
Facebooktwitterredditpinterestlinkedintumblr
I had a dream about you. You suggested to split the profits, so I did. I threw one half in the furnace to power the steam engine, and the other half in the air to...

—Bauvard

1 Star2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars (No Ratings Yet)
Loading...
DreamingDreamsFunny
Facebooktwitterredditpinterestlinkedintumblr
Making love to a person in their sleep is the only guarantee they’ll wake up with a smile on their face.

—Bauvard

1 Star2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars (No Ratings Yet)
Loading...
FunnyHappinessHumor
Facebooktwitterredditpinterestlinkedintumblr
I had a dream about you. I was sitting on your couch, relating my succession of ideas on subconscious influence. I asked you what they meant, and you told me that free associations were a...

—Bauvard

1 Star2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars (No Ratings Yet)
Loading...
DreamingDreamsFunny
Facebooktwitterredditpinterestlinkedintumblr
I’ve never had an intelligent conversation with a beautiful woman. But then, I’ve never had an intelligent conversation. Or talked to a beautiful woman.

—Bauvard

1 Star2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars (No Ratings Yet)
Loading...
BeautyFunnyIntelligence
Facebooktwitterredditpinterestlinkedintumblr
Some people won’t have kids, but I’m not going to have parents. I’m burning their birth certificates and defacing their gravestones tonight.

—Bauvard

1 Star2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars (No Ratings Yet)
Loading...
FamilyFunnyHumor
Facebooktwitterredditpinterestlinkedintumblr
Selfishness is a bad habit. That’s why I always rationally think through my decisions to act without regard for others.

—Bauvard

1 Star2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars (No Ratings Yet)
Loading...
FunnyHabitRationality
Facebooktwitterredditpinterestlinkedintumblr
Without humor, we’d all be what we’re laughing at. Without arrogance, we’d be humiliated to admit we already are.

—Bauvard

1 Star2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars (No Ratings Yet)
Loading...
ArroganceFunnyHumor
Facebooktwitterredditpinterestlinkedintumblr
Experience: the vehicle of history. Teenagers: the driving force behind fatal accidents.

—Bauvard

1 Star2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars (No Ratings Yet)
Loading...
CarsExperienceHistory
Facebooktwitterredditpinterestlinkedintumblr
Bike lane: the section of the road that accommodates wide loads and has speed bumps to protect drunk drivers.

—Bauvard

1 Star2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars (No Ratings Yet)
Loading...
BikesFunnyHumor
Facebooktwitterredditpinterestlinkedintumblr
Injuries heal, but wrinkles are the scars of time.

—Bauvard

1 Star2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars (No Ratings Yet)
Loading...
FunnyHealingHumor
Facebooktwitterredditpinterestlinkedintumblr
Self-awareness of one’s faults, far from being the first step to growth, is very often the second foot in the mud.

—Bauvard

1 Star2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars (No Ratings Yet)
Loading...
Self-Awareness
Facebooktwitterredditpinterestlinkedintumblr
The idealist hopes. The romantic sees doom. The postmodernist sees doom and hopes.

—Bauvard

1 Star2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars (No Ratings Yet)
Loading...
FunnyHumorIdealism
Facebooktwitterredditpinterestlinkedintumblr
I didn’t sacrifice everything for love, just my mother when love required a caesarian.

—Bauvard

1 Star2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars (No Ratings Yet)
Loading...
FunnyLoveSacrifice
Facebooktwitterredditpinterestlinkedintumblr
I don’t believe in failure. I’m perseverant – I believe in failing.

—Bauvard

1 Star2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars (No Ratings Yet)
Loading...
FailureFunnyHumor
Facebooktwitterredditpinterestlinkedintumblr
If you’re a nobody, just imagine a lot of celebrities are in love with you. Narcissism is the best cure for attention deficit disorder.

—Bauvard

1 Star2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars (No Ratings Yet)
Loading...
AdhdErotomaniaFunny
Facebooktwitterredditpinterestlinkedintumblr
I had a dream about you. You were being hung. I had a sword in one hand and a stool in the other. I couldn’t decide which one to use, so I stood on the...

—Bauvard

1 Star2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars (No Ratings Yet)
Loading...
DreamingDreamsFunny
Facebooktwitterredditpinterestlinkedintumblr
We live in one of the few epochs of humanity where life isn’t just a painful cycle of toil, fatigue, and collapse. Now pleasure gyrates us through those stages.

—Bauvard

1 Star2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars (No Ratings Yet)
Loading...
PainPleasure
Facebooktwitterredditpinterestlinkedintumblr
Love leads people to become lost in their own feelings and ignore the world, so it’s no surprise their love for the world goes unrequited.

—Bauvard

1 Star2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars (No Ratings Yet)
Loading...
FunnyLoveUnrequited-Love
Facebooktwitterredditpinterestlinkedintumblr
A man is always devoted to something more tangible than a woman – the idea of her.

—Bauvard

1 Star2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars (No Ratings Yet)
Loading...
FunnyHumorIdealism
Facebooktwitterredditpinterestlinkedintumblr
I lost something magical in the process of growing up – my disillusionment.

—Bauvard

1 Star2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars (No Ratings Yet)
Loading...
ChildhoodCynicismDisillusionment
Facebooktwitterredditpinterestlinkedintumblr
When you loathe yourself, a true friend will respect your honesty. And if you’ve been fortunate in life, he will probably share your opinion.

—Bauvard

1 Star2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars (No Ratings Yet)
Loading...
EnvyFriendshipFunny
Facebooktwitterredditpinterestlinkedintumblr
I threw an etiquette party and served nothing but beans and sparkling water. The topic of conversation was ‘excuse me’.

—Bauvard

1 Star2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars (No Ratings Yet)
Loading...
FunnyHumorManners
Facebooktwitterredditpinterestlinkedintumblr
I lacked the knowledge of linear perspective needed to get into the art school, so now I whitewash walls and imagine I’m heaven’s landscape painter.

—Bauvard

1 Star2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars (No Ratings Yet)
Loading...
FunnyHeavenHumor
Facebooktwitterredditpinterestlinkedintumblr
Nothing else matters now that you love me.’ – suicide note

—Bauvard

1 Star2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars (No Ratings Yet)
Loading...
FunnyLoveSuicide
Facebooktwitterredditpinterestlinkedintumblr
I bet there are a lot of women out there who want to sleep with a guy who reads. And being the head of the reading foundation, I’m very well endowed.

—Bauvard

1 Star2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars (No Ratings Yet)
Loading...
FunnyHumorWriting
Facebooktwitterredditpinterestlinkedintumblr
The stoic contemplates fallen leaves; the epicure rakes them into a loveseat.

—Bauvard

1 Star2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars (No Ratings Yet)
Loading...
FunnyHumorPain
Facebooktwitterredditpinterestlinkedintumblr
What was that guy’s problem?” The future is full of condescending jerks.

—Bauvard

1 Star2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars (No Ratings Yet)
Loading...
ChangeFunnyHumor
Facebooktwitterredditpinterestlinkedintumblr
Sometimes I wonder what happened to great speeches, but then I turn on the TV and I’m in wonder at how good my candidate looks.

—Bauvard

1 Star2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars (No Ratings Yet)
Loading...
FunnyHumorPolitics
Facebooktwitterredditpinterestlinkedintumblr
There is an enduring freshness in what remains strange and obscure which the cliches of greatness can only evoke nostalgia for.

—Bauvard

1 Star2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars (No Ratings Yet)
Loading...
ClicheFunnyGreatness
Facebooktwitterredditpinterestlinkedintumblr
The lampshade on my head is for my bright ideas. I won’t be able to convey them until Monday, when my curtain gets out of the dry cleaners.

—Bauvard

1 Star2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars (No Ratings Yet)
Loading...
FunnyHumorIdeas
Facebooktwitterredditpinterestlinkedintumblr
Every culture has some ritual for joining two people together and making them stay that way, and ours is giving tax breaks.

—Bauvard

1 Star2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars (No Ratings Yet)
Loading...
FunnyHumorMarriage
Facebooktwitterredditpinterestlinkedintumblr
Political debate: when charlatans come together to discuss their principles.

—Bauvard

1 Star2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars (No Ratings Yet)
Loading...
FunnyHumorPoliticians
Facebooktwitterredditpinterestlinkedintumblr
Love your wife, your servant and your enemy equally, and file her credit card bills under the ‘enemy’ folder.

—Bauvard

1 Star2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars (No Ratings Yet)
Loading...
EnemyFunnyLove
Facebooktwitterredditpinterestlinkedintumblr
Divorce runs high these days, but I’m an exception to the norm. I got divorced when marriage was still popular.

—Bauvard

1 Star2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars (No Ratings Yet)
Loading...
FunnyHumorMarriage
Facebooktwitterredditpinterestlinkedintumblr
Use condoms; it’s wise not to gamble with your children’s future.

—Bauvard

1 Star2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars (No Ratings Yet)
Loading...
ChildrenContraceptionFunny
Facebooktwitterredditpinterestlinkedintumblr
I only go birdwatching during mating season. I’m a pornithologist.

—Bauvard

1 Star2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars (No Ratings Yet)
Loading...
BirdwatchingFunnyOrnithology
Facebooktwitterredditpinterestlinkedintumblr
Night clubs are where Americans learn the laws of motion.

—Bauvard

1 Star2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars (No Ratings Yet)
Loading...
EducationFunnyHumor
Facebooktwitterredditpinterestlinkedintumblr
Mothers do not have love affairs. Before their children they have dreams, and after their children they have delusions. If the father is involved somewhere, they have fantasies.

—Bauvard

1 Star2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars (No Ratings Yet)
Loading...
IdealismMetaphysicsOptimism
Facebooktwitterredditpinterestlinkedintumblr
I had a dream about you. You were lost in a daydream, when I walked in and you began screaming. But I know that could never actually happen. In real life I only enter people’s...

—Bauvard

1 Star2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars (No Ratings Yet)
Loading...
DreamingDreamsFunny
Facebooktwitterredditpinterestlinkedintumblr
I got hired by a newspaper to write a column on current events, so I wrote about Benjamin Franklin’s charting of the Gulf Stream.

—Bauvard

1 Star2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars (No Ratings Yet)
Loading...
FunnyHumorNewspapers
Facebooktwitterredditpinterestlinkedintumblr
Careers are not made in a family business, they are born – by patricide. Then they die from neglect, and avoid the tragedy of being put out of business.

—Bauvard

1 Star2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars (No Ratings Yet)
Loading...
CareersFamilyFunny
Facebooktwitterredditpinterestlinkedintumblr
An anniversary is the perfect time to celebrate all the missed opportunities to correct a mistake, and even take vows to renew it.

—Bauvard

1 Star2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars (No Ratings Yet)
Loading...
AnniversaryFunnyLove
Facebooktwitterredditpinterestlinkedintumblr
Where does love reveal itself? In beds, sofas, bathtubs – each section of a department store has its advantages.

—Bauvard

1 Star2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars (No Ratings Yet)
Loading...
FunnyHumorLove
Facebooktwitterredditpinterestlinkedintumblr
  • Page 1 of 2
  • Next
  • Terms of Service
  • Privacy Policy
  • About us

Copyright © 2017 - 2020 TR Marketing Group, Inc. All rights reserved.

Do Not Sell My Personal Information

Exercise your consumer rights by contacting us below Privacy Policy

[email protected]

Personalized advertisements

Turning this off will opt you out of personalized advertisements delivered from Google on this website.

CookiePro
Confirm
Popup Button popup close button