Don’t bite off more than you can chew because nobody looks attractive spitting it back out.

My best days are Monday through Friday, and Saturday and Sunday.” “Ian,” Wesley noted, “that covers the whole week.” Ian nods his head. “Pretty much.

One should never give up on hope. Unless that’s the name of the girl who cheated on you in which case, yeah, give her up.

You are the only one who can.

You know,” Kavita begins, “I think I can pick out my own furniture. I am an artist after all. I do have some taste.””No you don’t.” Nick plainly states. “No man has taste. Besides, I...

I believe in love. Unfortunately, it doesn’t believe me. Lust, on the other hand, is a nagging wife poking constantly at my DNA.

Know who you are, and be it. Know what you want, and go out and get it!

Luck is the bastard child of Fate and Destiny.

Slap-stick comedy is really funny, unless you’re the one getting slapped with the stick.

You can spend your life judging people or, you can spend it making friends. Take your pick.

I don’t like to give up on people when they need someone not to give up on them.

The shattering of a heart when being broken is the loudest quiet ever.

The moment you stop trying to become a better person, is the moment you start to become worse than what you already are.

Today I feel like I did tomorrow.

What goes up must come down. Which is why we invented Viagra, to make it stay up a little longer.

I think a person can do one of two things in life … make your own choices despite the past or let your past make your choices for you. Very few poeple go through life...

I saw America’s economy last night, people raiding dumpsters at a higher rate than normal in my home town. Digging through garbage shouldn’t be a career. Thanks Democrats. Thanks Republicans.

One size fits all” country. The past ten years has been very grim for Americans. Our current state is very grim. Our future is even more grim than ever. I used to tell people that...

The only thing standing between you and your dreams is … reluctance.

Smoking will probably kill me, but so will natural selection.

All I wanted for Christmas was a New Years Eve party that I would never forget. Too bad I got too drunk to remember it.

I’m not a type-O … Don’t delete me.

Cool people are only cool for the first thirty minutes of knowing them. After that, they just become annoying.

Use a condom. The world doesn’t need another you.

Nothing is as it seems, but something is everything it is made out to be.

If I had wanted children of my own, I would have gotten married. If I had wanted to get married, I would have fallen in love. If I had wanted to fall in love, I...

How am I going to explain to my kids one day that I can’t buy them a happy meal because the toy will make them fat?

When people say they hate life, to what are they comparing it to? The alternative isn’t any more appealing.

No matter how many plans you make or how much in control you are, life is always winging it.

I strive for perfection – I settle for satisfaction

Knowledge may be power, but half of what I know I wish I could forget.

When it comes to being famous, you’re usually the last to know, and the first to deny it. Unless you were already famous in your head. In which case, party on, Wayne! Party on, Garth!

If only yesterday could be my tomorrow then today wouldn’t even matter.

If you want to dance the dance then you better learn the steps, the world has enough pretenders. If you want to practice sex then you better find a partner, and to love you must...

Believe in the wonderment of life, the magic of love, and the reality of death.

I feel like I am either on the cusp of something great, or standing on the edge of my abyss, discovering something brand new, or uncovering somebody elses lost imagination.

This isn’t your world. It’s your parents. Your world is still out there, waiting to be discovered. Always remember that.

Often times, “shame” is the word that best describes reality.

Girls are always complaining that they can never meet a nice guy. Nice guys are everywhere. The problem isn’t that there aren’t any nice guys, the problem is that all of the nice guys are...

A sin is nothing more than regret. Not for doing it once, but doing it again when you know you’re going to regret it.

The last word of love is … goodbye.

Mary approaches her before she is able to reach her station. “Hello Lily. Get anything special for Christmas?””Just the usual.” She answers. “Shattered dreams.

Intelligence is being intelligent enough to know you’re not so intelligent as you intelligently once thought.

If they’re not going to respect you, then they best damn well fear you.

Listen.” Jennifer reverted, “I didn’t mean anything by all of that before. I understand what you were trying to do and …” She struggled for the right words. “Sweetie, like love, people don’t live inside...

Love should feel like a hand sewn quilt made by grandma, wrapping you up on a cold winter morning.

Lily looks back down at the necklace in her hand that Kavita had given her. “It must have cost a fortune.” “It did.” He confirms. “Though not nearly as much as you’re worth.” Lily looks...

To which hand do I choose to strike with when both hands are guided by the same heart?

Some people make things happen. Some people watch things happen. And then there are those who wonder, ‘What the hell just happened?

Growing old is mandatory. Growing up is optional.