Zeb was kindergarten teacher–a good one. I always thought it was because he was the same emotional age as his students.

Get the point?” I asked, offering the boys a triumphant smile.Gabriel, Zeb, and Dick stared at me, aghast. “What? Sarcastic postkill comeback. Isn’t that what you’re supposed to do in situations like this?Too harsh?

I think it would be best if you came down from there before I explained that.””I think I’ll stay right where I am, thank you,” I said. “And you, you stay where you are, or...

I always hoped for this spark of chemistry and compatibility, a flash of clarity to let me know that this was the guy, this was the time, so I should leg go and enjoy myself....

Besides, my drinking blood’s not nearly as weird as that time I caught you shaving your legs.””I was curious!

It took me awhile to learn the rules. OK, it took the librarian in me weeks of careful obsessive research to learn the rules. There was a label maker involved. I’d rather not go into...

Leaving knots untied and scattering seeds to distract them will only work on vampires with OCD.

She’s your mother. I asked, Plus, you do look a bit like her. When you’re angry, you both get these tense lines around your mouth…Look, there they are.

Wal-mart started selling “Vampire Home Defense Kits”, including holy water, crosses, stakes, mallets, and a book of quick blessings to bar vampires from your door. The fact that these kits were generally useless didn’t bother...

I was just turned last week. I’m a librarian.”He stilled, as if I’d just told him I was the inventor of the tube top. “I watched a movie about a librarian once. Well, she was...

Dick called, but he just left dirty voice-mail messages. Let’s just say if I’m ever in the market for a massage involving canola oil and marabou feathers, I’m covered.

Wait, is this a nice-ish way of telling me we had sex and I was lousy? That’s how you can tell I’m inexperienced? Because, if so, that’s just rude. And what were you doing at...

I am not the kind of girl who trusts a man to tell her everything she needs to know in his own due time, so I did some research on my sire. You can take...

My grandma Ruthie, Jettie’s sister, had been married four times, so many times I started calling every old man I saw at the grocery store Grandpa.

Why not? If you’re not going to let me see you naked, we might as well be girlfriends.””You’re a twisted little man.””Come on, Stretch, share with the class.””No!” I laughed.”Prude.””Perv.””Schoolmarm.””Some other word that essentially means...

I grabbed my purse, which was conveniently place by the front door. Gabriel was such a considerate abductor/host. He even left the front door unpadlocked.

Up until two years ago, I was one of the top-selling real estate agents in the tricounty area. I went to a convention in Boca Raton. I had one too many margaritas, met a tall,...

You are the night.””I am the night,” I repeated.”You are the night.”I cocked my head, sending him a questioning look. “I am the night?””Jane!””Why is it that when you say my name, it sounds like...

Don’t worry about being nervous. A lot of vampires have trouble with this from time to time. It happens to everyone.””If I was a forty-year-old man suffering from erectile dysfunction, that would be a great...

I offered you a choice, and you took it.”I shot him what I hoped was a truly scathing glare. “Some choice. I was dying. Some drunk shot me from a pickup. Why wouldn’t I have...

Contrary to popular myth, werewolves myth, werewolves are born, not made. No matter how many times they bite someone, that person will not turn, though they will probably bleed profusely and will definitely be annoyed.

Are you going to answer my questions, or do I have to whack you with a stick until delicious candy surprises fall out?

Most of the people you read about being turned meet vamps in clubs or over the Internet…Ew, did you…?””Yes, I met a vampire on the Internet, went to his evil love den, and let him...

Mama operated under the assumption that I was eight years old and incapable of feeding myself. It was physically impossible for her to cross my threshold without some form of nourishment. She once offered me...

If looks could kill…well, Dick was already dead, so nothing would happen. But Gabriel was not laughing.”See Dick,” Dick said, pointing at his chest. He then swept his hand dangerously close to mind. “Jane. Dick...

I wanted to call you, but I find myself feeling…awkward when it comes to you.””‘Awkward’ is the word du jour,” I agreed. “So, I make you nervous?””Not quite nervous,” he said. “Just unsettled.”I wriggled my...

I would have taken Zeb, purely for entertainment value, but he had an actual date, with a real girl. That hadn’t happened in a while, so I was a good friend and put my own...

I fixed your car,” he said, tossing the keys from a jade dish on the little maple end table.I palmed them and eyed him speculatively. “You fixed my car?””I have walked the earth for more...

Jane Jameson.”He grinned. “Like the porn star.”I gaped at him. “What? No, Jane Jameson.””Oh, not as fun,” he said, making disappointed clucking noises.

We finally settled on Francis Ford Coppola’s version of Dracula, which, unfortunately, Gabriel seemed to think was a comedy. I think it was the combination of Keanu Reeves’s British accent and Gary Oldman’s elderly Count...

And soon we were just rolling around on the ground, cursing and screeching and ripping out handfuls of hair. Without super hearing, I wouldn’t have heard Zeb whisper, “This is the coolest thing I have...

Idiot,” I said, before grinning broadly and crushing his mouth to mine. “We need to pick new pet names for each other,” he muttered as I hefted myself up from the ground.

What was that?” Rich combined the pain of a crooked arm with the indignity of a flicked ear. I could only hope the situation didn’t escalate to the dreaded purple nurple.

You want to stab me again, don’t you?”He didn’t look at all ashamed. “Think of it as testing the limits of your new abilities.”I groaned. “I’ve created a monster.””I don’t think someone who recently crawled...

Would you kick her ass already?” Dick said, shoving me back toward Missy. “Come on, Stretch, man up. You do better than this! Get mad.”I nodded, rolling a dislocated shoulder back into place with a...

Some vampires wouldn’t react if you shoved a rosary down their pants, though I wouldn’t recommend testing the theory.