I sing like a flower, and I dance like a tree. Let us make love like an overflowing cup of coffee.

Playboy stretched his arm, patting Carlos on the back. “Well, you know what they say: If you love someone, let’em go. If they don’t come back, hunt’em down and kill’em!

Everybody! This is my cousin right here, and he just dethroned God’s gift to Women – Griffin

Having to eat fruit drives me bananas. But it’s OK, I park. Then I pick up a hooker and make love like I’ve got no money. And I really don’t have any.

And so that means…””We have to rob the Henley,” Simon said.Kat sank onto a truly uncomfortable sofa. “Again.

So while I drove my little and planned his fantasy night of how I was going to give Otter the key to my soul (his words, not mine), I silently panicked and wrote lines of...

From across the bar, I saw her see me seeing her see me, and I knew that she knew, and with all this knowledge and vision I figured it must be love. But I could...

Often stereotypically sandwiched between empty nest syndrome and retirement, rhinoplasty is actually a fluid phase that can occur before, after, or concurrently with any other life stage.

Even-money that my liver lasts through my wife’s metamorphosis to my mother-in-law.

My albino elbow bends like a bow and arrow shoots shoots, roots, and bearded forest creatures. Love me now, before I remove my undergrowth.

Life is like butter – when things cool down it can be reshaped

Nothing is more difficult than removing a negative attitude.

I wasn’t afraid of your average dark alley. I had standard Agency-issue spells in my coat and a nine millimeter in my purse for dealing with the less dangerous pests, but even I knew you...

You were at the party on Friday night, weren’t you?” I didn’t mentioned I’d followed him into the woods.He leaned back in his chair, his legs sprawled out. His boots nudged the bottom ruffle of...

She can go with us to the lab and keep Myrnin pinned down while we pull the plug, if he’s not… you know, better.””Define BETTER with that guy.””Not all fangs and raaaaar.

I know more damn perverts, at schools and all, than anybody you ever met, and they’re always being perverty when I’m around.

You know, sometimes kids get bad grades in school because the class moves too slow for them. Einstein got D’s in school. Well guess what, I get F’s!!!

When approaching a prospective human, first ask them what their name is. * If it replies “Brains,” blow its fucking head off. * If it replies “Brian,” ask it again, as you may have encountered...

Probably the toughest time in anyone’s life is when you have to murder a loved one because they’re the devil.

There is nobody as hopelessly vulgar as a British aristocrat…

He likes the real slutty ones. Ow!” he yelled when he received a whop to the back of the head.

I was in a bar the other night, hopping from barstool to barstool, trying to get lucky, but there wasn’t any gum under any of them.

You can’t enjoy art or books in a hurry.

How many beers do y’all think it takes before one internationally scientist turns to another and says, ‘Dude, bet you twenty bucks I can levitate a frog with a magnet?’ ‘ Sam drawled.

Though my stomach is only the size of a pea, I could eat two politicians’ brains.

#Twitter: proudly promoting ghastly grammar and silly misspelling since 2006.

If I’m a commodity, it wouldn’t be a wise idea to buy stock in me – although, in the long run, maybe I’m a slow growth investment.

Four times during the first six days they were assembled and briefed and then sent back. Once, they took off and were flying in formation when the control tower summoned them down. The more it...

Word of advice – never ask a terrorist the question ‘What would you do for a Klondike bar?’.

It’s difficult when you have to turn down a tremendous amount of money because you don’t like what the script is saying and you don’t have any money.

I’m not in manufacturing, but I make something. I make a difference. But to be honest, I think China can make it cheaper.

If you can’t do anything about it, laugh like hell.

I have an ulcer. It has an IQ of 185.

Just . . . eat your Brooke Burger. Stop asking so many questions. Sometimes a guy just wants to buy a girl lunch. Any objections to that? Good. Enjoy your Sunday, Ms. Parker.”He strode out...

I unwrapped my love for her like one might unwrap leftovers. Gotta eat up the old stuff first, as a cannibal might say in a retirement home.

When the first book out my sister-in-law read it and we were chatting at 5 o’clock in the afternoon and she said, “Oh my God, chapter six, sex and a murder,” and her five year...

A blanket could be used as a shield, in a fight with a cold shower. I know, because I won that battle this morning, only I wielded a sword—and an erection made of sleep.

I’M SCOTTISH!

Can I fetch you something, madam? A cup of tea?’In the old days she’d have been ‘miss’ and he’d have offered her a cocktail.

The Builders are building with you in mind, dear citizen, so don’t worry your tiny mind about whether the bricks they are using are going to construct schools or prisons. They won’t tell, and you...

Oh, there you are, Albus,’ he said. ‘You’ve been a very long time. Upset stomach?”No, I was merely reading the Muggle magazines,’ said Dumbledore. ‘I do love knitting patterns.

Have you ever chopped down something with an ax? Not fun. I now have serious doubts regarding George Washington and his cherry tree.

Well, first you have to be very, very funny. I have realized that it is essential for a boy to be funny. Otherwise, what is the point in a boy?

I am Butler. Anything I say sounds scary.

What is it?” There is almost nothing I could refuse him at thisvery moment. Sex on the picnic bench? Check. Strip off and do theMacarena on the grass? Check. Crawl under the table and do...

Oh God, Oh God we’re all gonna die doesn’t really fit the definition of banter, now does it?

A brick could be used in a levitation demonstration. The best way to keep it afloat, along with the American Dream, is with debt and denial.

Bags!

Mr. Morrow, IOI owns this network…” “Of course they do!” Morrow shouted gleefully. ‘The own practically everything! Including you, pretty boy! I mean did they tattoo a UPC code on your ass when they hired...

A blanket could be used to improve the quality of your trumpet playing. Wrap the blanket tightly around and in the horn section before you start blowing, and my ears will thank you.