I love Blue Ribbon coffee, and she loves Red Ribbon coffee. I don’t love her, because how could I love someone who loves losers?

The spirits of the brain are directly connected to the testicles. This is why men who weary their imagination in books are less suitable for procreative functions…

I think it would be neat to meet a man who slept with one eye open, especially if that man was a Cyclops.

I frankly felt like the reception we received on the way in from the airport was very warm and hospitable. And I want to thank the Canadian people who came out to wave — with...

It was only when the giant got halfway down the incline that he suddenly, happily, burst into flame and continued his trip saying, “NO SURVIVORS, NO SURVIVORS!” in a manner that could only indicate deadly...

They call it a mushroom cloud because ‘cauliflower cloud’ would just be too scary.

Yep, I was so mature, I decided I would just have to reward myself by doing the naked lambada with a Federal Agent.

You can’t put water back in a cloud after a rain like you can with a sponge. Coffee flows out of my penis, and though it’s less caffeinated, it’s just as drinkable.

If all else fails, stop drop and roll..works for me..:)

We watch television and we play music, but mostly we’ve found ways to amuse ourselves.” “Really?” Valkyrie asked. “Like what?”Plight’s smile faded. “Like human sacrifice.”He grabbed one arm and Lenka grabbed the other and Valkyrie...

Aside from myself, there aren’t too many people trying to be me. That may change in the future, when all my clones arrive.

The only working model of socialism I have ever seen is in an elementary school classroom.

The more important the briefing, the fewer the people in the room, toward a limit of -∞

How do you feel, Georgie?” whispered Mrs. Weasley.George’s fingers groped for the side of his head.”Saintlike,” he murmured.”What’s wrong with him?” croaked Fred, looking terrified. “Is his mind affected?””Saintlike,” repeated George, opening his eyes and...

I eat east and west, and I eat them at the same time. But I drink my coffee north to south.

There is something about you that makes me feel terribly wicked. You make me want to do shocking things. Maybe it’s because you’re so proper. Your necktie is never crooked, and your shoes are always...

I just invented a hug machine. It’s solar powered so you can use it when you feel depressed, like on a cloudy day. Shit.

I put the men in mental. Well, me and my clones do. Alone I just put in the man.

Just about a month from now I’m set adrift, with a diploma for a sail and lots of nerve for oars.

Sometimes I think I’m an alien that accidentally fell off the mother ship, destined to wander among clueless earthling parents for all eternity.

Did you like question ten, Moony?” asked Sirius as they emerged into the entrance hall.”Loved it,” said Lupin briskly. “Give five signs that identify the werewolf. Excellent question.””D’you think you managed to get all the...

My high-performance hair is shaped like a sports car, and when I chug coffee it sounds like a jet engine. Women don’t find me attractive, but only because women don’t find me (I’m living off...

there is a string of Rutledge’s past mistresses who would undoubtedly testify there is nothing wrong with his carrot.”Alors, he is a virile man . . . she is a beautiful woman . . ....

When I dance, I’m so fluid you could drink my moves. And if you sip it with your morning coffee, you’ll be light on your feet all day.

You freaking bit me,” I said, my voice hoarse. “You’re lucky I don’t call animal control.

Here, by the grace of God and an inside straight, we have a personality untouched by the psychotic taboos of our tribe – and you want to turn him into a carbon copy of every...

I think she is going to find you too old… Yes that was it, the moment she said it I knew it was true, and the revelation caused me no surprise, it was like the...

We must respect the other fellow’s religion, but only in the sense and to the extent that we respect his theory that his wife is beautiful and his children smart.

I need my tropical square boots, and a fish that when it swims looks like my squiggly signature. Also, I could go for a cup of coffee.

Fine, I’ll teach you,”Besides, there’s only so many times a girl wants to fall on her butt in front of the boy she’s out to impress.

On your birthday you should throw me a party. This is my advice for everybody, especially my clones.

I have dozens of loyal fans! Baker’s dozens! …they come in thirteens.

Secondly, I don’t see you as human, let alone a man. You are more like a homicidal invention, of my hormonal teenage nightmare; which I can’t seem to be able to awake from.

It’s tough being AWESOME all the time, but the kids need someone to look up to!

KNOW YOUR DOPE FIEND. YOUR LIFE MAY DEPEND ON IT! You will not be able to see his eyes because of the Tea-Shades, but his knuckles will be white from inner tension and his pants...

There are certain books in the history of the world that should never have been written. This book makes all those look like masterpieces.

Shigure: “Lemme guess; you lost your temper and yelled at her again, right? You know, you shouldn’t do that if you’re just going to regret it. Not too bright, now is it?”Kyo: “Save your breath....

Right now it’s 77 degrees—even if you’re a dyslexic.

If a black cat crosses your path, it signifies that the animal is going somewhere.

The question why I don’t shake hand with someone,A reason is Behind;Scumbags call it Attitude but they really don’t know its actually the antimatter Waqas is composed of.

I don’t have your way with words “Sin said. “So I’m just going to go with a quick response. Ha

How in the name of Merlin’s pants have you managed to get your hands on those Horcrux books?

If I ever see an alien fishing in Scotland, and witness it catching the Loch Ness Monster, I’d probably assume the world would want me to write a poem about the event, rather than take...

I want to be the guy in a movie who’s, I don’t know, out walking his rabbit on a leash (I don’t have a rabbit) and knows exactly how to strike up a quirky, compelling...

I got a zero. That’s like a perfect ten—it’s only one away from being flawless. Remember this next time you think you have nothing.

If you’re a boy, any display of sensitivity is gay. Compassion is gay. Crying is supergay. Reading is usually gay. Certain songs and types of music are gay. ‘Enola Gay’ would certainly be thought gay....

Terence: As my old da used to tell me, ‘never trust a rich man’.David: Good thing I’m only moderately rich.Terence: Which is why I only moderately distrust you.

Reality depresses me. I need to find fantasy worlds and escape in them.

I row…a-uh-boat…with-uh-my teammates.” Superb! Just-uh-superb.

Never spontaneously combust alone, or without a bag of marshmallows nearby.