My girlfriend and I just had make-up sex. We both wore make-up.

I ordered a single espresso because I wanted a drink I could hook up with.

I’m so out of shape I take steroids just to watch sports.

I definitely believe marijuana helps with menstruation. Since I started smoking pot, my girlfriend’s period has become painless for me

My daughter asked if the boogie man was scary. I said, “Not as scary as the boogie woman.