My biggest regret as a CIA officer? The agents I didn’t recruit. I just wish there’d been a hell of a lot more of them.

Don’t make me climb across this desk and slap you, because I will.

Making love is not my strength. Also, lifting weights is not my strength.

He will.

We suffered for our art. You have to suffer for our art as well!

If I share your bottle of beer, I’ll take the left side.

Call bitch a bitch , no fucking reasons

My way of joking is to tell the truth. It’s the funniest joke in the world.

Nat: Maybe you broke something.Midge: I know. Never fall down, never fall down!Nat: Ah, it’s nothing. I fall down every morning. I get up, I have a cup of coffee, I fall down. That’s the...

I don’t believe we should carry backupplans in life’s suitcase—they’re too easy to unpack like living a life in yoga pants, so comfortable our hips spreadinto new timezones…

That’s the unforgivable sin, you know.””What is?””Refusing to forgive someone.””Refusing to forgive someone is the unforgivable sin?” I asked incredulously.

Walking on the beach like a ventriloquist, I’ll make it sound like the ocean is calling out to you—through a conch shell.

Whom the gods would destroy, they first make gods.

Think of the fierce energy concentrated in an acorn! You bury it in the ground, and it explodes into an oak!

When I go out to eat at restaurants, I don’t like chains. I prefer whips.

Now this might disturb you, but I find I’m OK by myself;and I don’t need you or your benevolence to make sense.

Boys are stupid, throw rocks at them.

When the war comes, you’ll find me on the front line, with some crayons, coloring outside the lines.

JACK.I am sick to death of cleverness. Everybody is clever nowadays. You can’t go anywhere without meeting clever people. The thing has become an absolute public nuisance. I wish to goodness we had a few...

I think I remember what love was like before. There were complex emotional and biological factors. We had elaborate tests to pass, connections to forge, ups and downs and tears and whirlwinds. It was an...

What two sides do I want with my dinner? The left and the right side.

Because you wear a uniform, a smelly uniform…and so you think you can be rude to me.

If the gooseberry said: ‘I haven’t the heart to be a real proper gooseberry because if everyone were a gooseberry the world wouldn’t continue to exist’ this would be a stupid argument and the world...

Teamwork: I love the idea of all for one—especially if that one is me.

One of the best lovers in Hollywood. What would a title like that encompass exactly? she wondered. Technique? Enthusiasm? Or was it more about equipment?

A brick could be used to stop time. I did it once at my uncle’s house, and I nearly wrecked the universe. He wanted to spank me, but decided not to, because he was afraid...

My love is self-contained, like chips in a bag. Don’t eat it all at once.

For those whose ganglia were formed pre-TV, the mimetic deployment of pop-culture icons seems at best an annoying tic and at worst a dangerous vapidity that compromises fiction’s seriousness by dating it out of the...

I’m going to wake Peeta,” I say.”No, wait,” says Finnick. “Let’s do it together. Put our faces right in front of his.”Well, there’s so little opportunity for fun left in my life, I agree. We...

To be in love is to be in two places at once. Zombies and Schrödinger’s cat are also in two places at once.

From a Twitter post on why food is better than people: ‘Bagels don’t talk about you behind your back.’ … Since WHEN???

A brick could be used to sell war to the peacemongers. The trick is to sell war cheap, because the real profit is in the renewals and extending the service as long as possible.

I made dinner reservations for two, because I like eating alone. And I drink coffee by the bathtubful—but only while simultaneously taking a shower.

Why do humans never do as they’re told? Someone should replace you all with robots. No, on second though, they shouldn’t, bad idea.

The irony of rule followers is they often quote a lot of people that do not follow as many rules as they do.

I suppose the fundamental distinction between Shakespeare and myself is one of treatment. We get our effects differently. Take the familiar farcical situation of someone who suddenly discovers that something unpleasant is standing behind them....

Book: Ten Steps to Asexuality and Financial Freedom, by Lonely Path

Flattery will get me nowhere? That’s a hell of a lot better than the place I am now.

He was obviously on the wrong side of crazy.

I have a chip on my shoulder. It’s a nacho, not a sense of bitterness.

People go to church for the same reasons they go to a tavern: to stupefy themselves, to forget their misery, to imagine themselves, for a few minutes anyway, free and happy.– Circular Letter to My...

But before any of the small appliances who may be listening to this tale should begin to think that they might do the same thing, let them be warned: ELECTRICITY IS VERY DANGEROUS. Never play...

Life is meaning less when you realized that you are about to die. Till then, everything negative however trifle they may be, depress you.

Do you ever wonder if you’re the antichrist? I do. Not for myself of course, but I think you’re the devil.

Secret 1.4. The real question isn’t whether you’re cleared for top secret, it’s whether you’re cleared for unclassified.

A brick could be translated into Spanish, and then used to landscape a lawn.

The trouble with cousins, Lizabeth thought, was that they knew all about you, even your allergies.

A well-read woman is a dangerous creature.

DON’T THINK OF IT AS DYING, said Death. JUST THINK OF IT AS LEAVING EARLY TO AVOID THE RUSH.

If you want to change the world, just change yourself. The world needs traitors.