Nobody can be bad at everything. There’s no such thing as a perfect screwup.

We are not going to die.” Butters stared up at me, pale, his eyes terrified. “We’re not?” “No. And do you know why?” He shook his head. “Because Thomas is too pretty to die. And...

I think that men ought to treat women like something other than weaker men with breasts.

Fear is a part of life. It’s a warning mechanism. That’s all. It tells you when there’s danger around. Its job is to help you survive. Not cripple you into being unable to do it.

Harry,” she said quietly, “I know you must be angry.”I burn things to ash and smash holes in buildings when I’m angry,” I said. “I’m a couple of steps past that point right now.

She frowned at me. “You need some rest. You look like hell. And you’re obviously tired enough to have gotten the giggles.”Wizards don’t giggle,” I said, hardly able to speak. “This is cackling.

There’re things we keep hidden from one another. Things we hide from ourselves. Things that are kept hidden from us. And things no one knows. You always learn the damnedest things at the worst possible...

… They paid some madman who thought he was a decorator a lot of money to make the place look hip and unique. May be it’s my lack of fashion sense talking, but I thought...

Where instinct fails, intellect must venture.

I love being a wizard. Every day is like Disneyland.

I know how you feel,” I said. “You run into something you totally don’t get, and it’s scary as hell. But once you learn something about it, it gets easier to handle. Knowledge counters fear....

I didn’t want to believe that killing was deep inside of me. I didn’t want to think about the part of me that took a dark joy in gathering all the power it could and...

We have now left Reason and Sanity Junction. Next stop, Looneyville.

Fear has a lot of flavors and textures. There’s a sharp, silver fear that runs like lightning through your arms and legs, galvanizes you into action, power, motion. There’s heavy, leaden fear that comes in...

Vanity, thy name is vampire.

I let out a battle cry. Sure, a lot of people might have mistaken it for a sudden yelp of unmanly fear, but trust me. It was a battle cry.

I don’t want to live in a world where the strong rule and the weak cower. I’d rather make a place where things are a little quieter. Where trolls stay the hell under their bridges...

You don’t go walking into the proverbial lion’s den lightly. You start with a good breakfast.

Oh,” the girl said, shaking her head. “Don’t be so simple. People adore monsters. They fill their songs and stories with them. They define themselves in relation to them. You know what a monster is,...

Da. This is going very well already.”Thomas barked out a laugh. “There are seven of us against the Red King and his thirteen most powerful nobles, and it’s going well?”Mouse sneezed.”Eight,” Thomas corrected himself. He...

There is a primal reassurance in being touched, in knowing that someone else, someone close to you, wants to be touching you. There is a bone-deep security that goes with the brush of a human...

A man’s magic demonstrates what sort of person he is, what is held most deeply inside of him. There is no truer gauge of a man’s character than the way in which he employs his...

In the name of the Pizza Lord. Charge!

Bite me, faerie fruitcake.

Time after time, history demonstrates that when people don’t want to believe something, they have enormous skills of ignoring it altogether.

So we get a plan,” I said. “Any suggestions?””Blow up the building,” Kincaid said without looking up. “That works good for vampires. Then soak what’s left in gasoline. Set it on fire. Then blow it...

Hell’s holy stars and freaking stones shit bells.

I’m dealing with a lot of scary things. I think you have to react to them. And you either laugh at them or you go insane.

There’s nothing that makes you more insane than family. Or more happy. Or more exasperated. Or more . . . secure.

I’d gone with my usual option. I was running through long tunnels filled with demons and monsters and nightmares, because it was easier than going to the gym.

Heroism doesn’t pay very well. I try to be cold-blooded and money-oriented, but I keep screwing it up.

Loneliness is a hard thing to handle. I feel it, sometimes. When I do, I want it to end. Sometimes, when you’re near someone, when you touch them on some level that is deeper than...

Seedy wasn’t a fair description for the place, because seeds imply eventual regrowth and renewal.

You backbiting, poisonous, treacherous, deceitful, wicked, clever girl. If this works I’ll buy you a pony.

Sure, we’d faced some things as children that a lot of kids don’t. Sure, Justin had qualified for his Junior de Sade Badge in his teaching methods for dealing with pain. We still hadn’t learned,...

Epic sex?” I sputtered. “By what standards, precisely, is sex judged to be epic?””And tons and tons of mortal simps like you used as pawns.” Bob sighed happily, ignoring my question. “There are no words....

I sidestepped the vampire’s rush, and drove my half of the former blasting rod down at its back, Buffy-like.Maybe it works better on television.

You rush a miracle worker, you get lousy miracles!

Life can be confusing. Good God, and how. Sometimes it seems like the older I get, the more confused I become. That seems ass-backwards. I thought I was supposed to be getting wiser. Instead, I...

I wish I worried about my uncle’s opinions, and had problems to work out with my mom. Hell, I’d settle for knowing what her voice sounded like.” I put a hand on her shoulder. “Trite...

Laugh whenever you can. Keeps you from killing yourself when things are bad. That and vodka.

A succubus on the set. Strike that, the health-conscious kid sister made it two… succubuses. Succubusees? Succubi? Stupid Latin correspondence course.

Karrin.”She looked up at me. She looked very young somehow.”Remember what I said yesterday,” I said. “You’re hurt. But you’ll get through it. You’ll be okay.”She closed her eyes tightly. “I’m scared. So scared I’m...

Evil isn’t the real threat to the world. Stupid is just as destructive as Evil, maybe more so, and it’s a hell of a lot more common. What we really need is a crusade against...

I still can’t believe,” Michael said, sotto voce, “that you came to the Vampires’ Masquerade Ball dressed as a vampire.

But the only way never to do the wrong thing is never to do anything.

Being a wizard gives you more power than most, but it doesn’t change your heart. We’re all human. We’re all of us equally naked before the jaws of pain.

It’s one of the things that makes us different than they are, Harry. The blood on their hands does not make it right to bloody my own. My choices are measured against my own soul....

Murphy hung up and I said, to the still-open line, “Hey, if you’ve got someone watching my place, could you call the cops if anyone tries to steal my Star Wars poster? It’s an original.”Then...

Life is too short, Harry. And there’s nowhere near enough joy in it. If you find it, grab it. Before it’s gone.